I'll Always Be Yours
by Squeakycat
Summary: Bella and Edward are facing their fears and falling in love in 1918. All the characters belong to Stephenie Myer and I've tried to stay as true to their book personas as I can. I hope you enjoy! AH/AU
1. Intuition

Chapter 1. Intuition

**May 20, 1918**

"Alice, slow down!"

"Sorry, Bella. I forget sometimes how much you hate to run. Hurry up though. This is important."

It wasn't easy trying to keep up with anyone walking down the rocky and rough dirt road, much less taking it at a run. I had run into my best friend Alice while at the general store and apparently she had been looking all over for me. Now we were trudging down the moist road while rain sprinkled lightly on our heads. Down the road was the Masen mansion, our destination.

Mary Alice Brandon had been abandoned by her parents when she was just a baby. Her family had moved to the Oregon country many years before and her great grandparents had established a farm and been very prosperous. One day a distant neighbor came to bring some fresh food and discovered Alice crying alone in their cabin. No one knew for sure how long she had been there that way but after her parents did not return she was taken to Seattle and adopted by Edward and Elizabeth Masen. Alice's story is a quite a remarkable one. She turned out to be very lucky and was loved just as any daughter would be by the Masen's.

The Masen's were town royalty, if you can call our small community a town. We live at the forks of the nearby Quileute, Bogachiel, Calawah, and Sol Duc Rivers. Therefore we call ourselves Forks although nothing is official yet. There is a general store and a community meeting hall as well as a one roomed school building and an inn. The train station is just a stop a few miles from the town. This part of the country is still foreign and wild to most. Most people in the area are farmers or loggers. Some, like the Masen's, are very wealthy and only live in the countryside in order to avoid the bustle of city life. Mr. Masen himself works in Seattle which is not a long commute. I live here with my father, Charlie Swan. My mother left us when I was very young so in some way at least I feel like I can relate to Alice.

We neared the mansion standing on the outskirt of the community. Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me in the front door.

"Good day miss Alice, Bella," said the maid Anne Marie as we dashed by her and started up the stairs. I didn't even have time to speak but tried to turn and give her a nod of my head in acknowledgement. At the top of the stairs we started down the corridor to Alice's room but were met with more company as we neared the end. Her adopted brother, Edward, came out of his room and stood leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest and a curious smirk across his face. He wore long brown trousers held up by leather suspenders and a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He had been wearing his cap the better part of the day which was made noticeable by the way his bronze hair was tousled on top of his head. He was positively the most handsome human being God had ever created.

"Ladies," he said and he nodded towards us. His smile grew wider and I realized I must be blushing furiously just looking at him. I was about to speak when Alice cut in.

"Oh no you do not Edward. This is my time with Bella and we haven't any time for you right now to come in and distract us."

"Distract? Alice, sister, am I not allowed to be friendly with two of my best friends?"

Alice let out a little growl and glared up at him. "You can be friendly at dinner. We have work to do now."

Then she dragged me on into her bedroom. Edward did not move but as we rounded the corner into her room I looked up in time to see him wink at me. I could not help but smile back at him before she yanked me through the threshold. I went tumbling in after Alice, lost my footing which often happens, and landed on the floor. Down the hall I could hear Edward's laughter. Alice stood over me with her hands on her hips trying to stifle the smiled that was forming on her face. She held out her hand and helped me up.

"Now that I'm thoroughly humiliated, what is this important matter that got me dragged here in the first place?" I inquired.

"This," said Alice as she opened up her closet and pulled out a lavender silk dress. It was a very pretty gown. She held it up and twirled it around. "What do you think?"

"It's beautiful. Poor Mr. Whitlock will not know what hit him when he sees you."

"It's not for me, Bella. This is your gown for the party."

"Oh no Alice, I couldn't. It's too much and I…well no." I was flattered of course by Alice's offer but I could not accept it.

Not looking defeated at all she remarked, "Well then, what are you going to wear?"

"Umm, well, maybe my blue flowered dress, the one my father had made for me for Christmas last year."

Alice didn't look impressed. She frowned at me. "I've seen you more than once in that dress scrubbing your kitchen floor Bella. You cannot possibly think it suitable for the party." I frowned back at her, knowing she was right. "Now, put it on. We need to make some adjustments. It's one of Elizabeth's old gowns." I started to open my mouth, to protest that she could not go cutting in to one of Mrs. Masen's gowns, but Alice quickly stopped me. "She gave me several to make into my own projects so they are mine now and I will do with it was I please."

For such a tiny girl Alice was very intimidating. I looked down at her and nodded. I changed into the dress which, with a little work, would truly look ravishing on me. Alice was always right. The dress was long sleeved but Alice was going to do away with them and give me a capped sleeve instead. The hem had to be taken up because Elizabeth is much taller than I. Alice also told me she planned to add some small accents to the finished hem and neckline and a new sash to tie around the middle. She has a talent for creativity.

After pinning me and poking me several times because I could simply not stand still, Alice stepped back and grinned widely. "Bella this will look amazing when I am finished with it. Your escort will not be able to take his eyes off of you."

"My escort?" I said with disbelief. "Who are you talking about?"

Alice let out a short laugh. "Well my charming brother Edward of course. I believe he has almost gathered up the courage he needs to ask you. Maybe you will finally be able to tell each other how you really feel." She laughed a little louder this time and I could only look down as I felt the blush rising to my cheeks.


	2. Questions

Chapter 2. Questions

Alice carefully helped me out of the lavender gown and turned to hang it gently. I reached out for my dress but she was too quick for me and grabbed it before I could.

"Alice!"

"Oh no you don't Bella. You're staying for dinner tonight and that means you need to get dressed accordingly. Go look through my closet and find something."

"Alice, no. This is taking it too far." I tried to look stern standing there in my undergarments and glaring down at her. Alice was not easily intimidated. She glared right back at me and I immediately felt my shoulders fall in defeat.

"Hurry and change now. I am going to go downstairs and remind Anne Marie that you'll be staying. Also, we must send word and an invitation to your father." Alice was talking to herself, lost in her own thoughts as she usually was. She began to walk towards the door and before turning the knob she looked back at me and held up my old dress still in her arms. "I am taking this with me just in case," she said sternly and then she was gone.

I walked to the closet. Alice never meant anything but good when she did things like this to me. She only wanted to help and be the best friend that she possibly could. Therefore, it is impossible for me to ever be upset with her, but I don't believe she ever notices the way it makes me feel. My father does not have money like the Masen's do, and Alice only reiterates that to me when she tries to play dress up with me in her own things.

Alice has some of the most beautiful gowns I have ever seen. She is shorter than me and has a smaller frame so I have to be picky when I wear any of her dresses. I found a pretty light blue dress that caught my eye and tried it on. To my excitement it actually was not too tight, and it still came to my mid calf, it must have been another one of Elizabeth's. I looked in the mirror and realized my hair was a tousled mess. I used her hairbrush and began trying to re-pin my bun. Finally, after minutes of struggle with my unruly mop I let out a sigh and only twisted it in a knot.

I decided to go downstairs and see what was keeping Alice. I don't like to sit still and wait and I get bored easily. Perhaps Anne Marie needs help in the kitchen, I thought. When I stepped outside I could hear music, the most beautiful piano melody was wafting from the parlor downstairs. I knew it was Edward. Alice didn't play and Mrs. Masen had stepped out to visit friends for the afternoon, Alice had told me.

I walked downstairs, slowly so as not to trip and roll down them. I could not see Alice anywhere and so decided to visit Edward. His head looked up at me and he smiled as I entered the room but did not stop playing. I hovered in the doorway for a moment before he tilted his head to the side, still smiling, in order to insinuate I should join him.

Again, moving slowly, I made my way across the parlor and took a seat facing the piano. Edward continued to play for what seemed like hours but was merely minutes I was certain. It felt like he was playing just for me although I soon put that idea out my head remembering the hot feeling rising on my cheeks. Then the music stopped and Edward's eyes rose up to meet mine.

"Come here Bella," he said and his voice was so enticing how could I refuse? I stood and walked to the piano. He scooted over and patted the bench next to him. "Sit," he commanded and I obeyed.

My heart was pounding in my chest so loudly that I was sure he could hear it. Edward, Alice, and I used to be best friends. We would play together every day. We would sit close to each other just like we did now at the piano and my heartbeat would not stir at all. The past few years though, we had grown up and I began to notice Edward in a different way. Alice insisted on taking me from being a tom boy into being a lady. Edward began to hang out with boys his own age, rather than playing with his little sister and her best friend. All those carefree childhood moments had been replaced with the expectations of young adulthood.

Edward looked at me differently too. Sometimes I would allow myself to hope but then berate myself for my childish daydreams. Every young girl in the community and everywhere else in the world for that matter seemed to be after his affections and I had nothing to offer except myself. Also, I had been raised playing with Edward just as Alice had, as his sister. I often wondered if he ever thought of me as anything but.

"Bella," Edward's voice called sounding slightly amused and pulled me from my day dream. I looked at him for a moment with my mouth open trying to regain focus. "Bella," now he sounded concerned.

I shook my head and blinked twice at him. "Oh sorry," I mumbled unintelligently.

He smiled slightly and cocked his head to the side. I looked into his deep green eyes and then had to blink again. This time he laughed at me.

"Bella dear, what on earth has gotten you in this state? Are you okay?" I was embarrassed and so I only nodded and looked away. "May I?" he asked and I saw him hold his hands out towards me.

Carefully, not wanting to make a fool out of myself, I raised my hands and he took them gently into his own. He very carefully positioned my fingers on the keys. Then, with his fingers on top of my own we began to play the first few notes of the song he had recently ended. I looked up at him smiling and he returned it which made me relax slightly. This was the Edward with whom I had grown up.

"You play beautifully Bella," said a soft voice from behind and I jumped, slamming my fingers down on the keys creating a painful noise. I turned on the bench to see Elizabeth Masen standing at the doorway having just arrived home from her outing.

Quickly I stood up and nodded towards her. "Mrs. Masen," I acknowledged feeling embarrassed.

"Mother," said Edward standing as well.

She smiled at us with a hint of curiosity gleaming in her eyes. "You should teach Bella to really play sometime Edward."

He grinned. "Actually Mother, we've tried that before already and it seems Bella does not have the patience for it. Although, any activity where she gets to sit down is usually safer for herself and others involved."

She scowled at him then for being impolite and he only grinned wider. Edward was nothing less than a gentleman and we both knew he was only teasing me. "I'll see you two at dinner then," she said keeping a straight face and then turned to make her exit. There was only a moment of silence before Edward spoke up.

"I think I'll go for a ride," Edward said letting out a deep sigh. He winked at me again and reached up to ruffle my hair completely messing up the bun I had worked so hard to fix. "See you at dinner then Sissy." He laughed at my expression and ran out of the room and then the front door.

I sighed and sat down on the piano bench again. When we were little Edward was told that Alice was his sister and that is what he always called her. Since he could not have two sisters, he began to call me Sissy as a nickname. Like a sister. I slouched over with my elbow resting on my knee and my chin in my hand. More often than not he called me Bella now, but occasionally Sissy would come through when he wanted to aggravate me.

"Hmph," I humored myself out loud, "I don't want to be Sissy anymore."

"What's that?" I looked up startled to see Alice standing innocently at the door with her hands folded in front of her.

"Nothing," I muttered. Then I stood up crossed over to her, grabbing her little hand and pulling her towards the door. "Let's go for a walk or something before we eat."

"I'll go with you," she giggled, "If you let me fix your hair first."

Alice and I took a very short walk. We were only around the corner when we ran into Jasper Whitlock. Jasper and Alice had a very old fashioned courtship which suited them both perfectly well. Jasper was attractive, tall and lean with honey blond hair. He was three year's older Alice and I and worked on his father's family farm. He was born in Texas but his mother took ill and the doctor believed that cooler temperatures might make her more comfortable.

They relocated when Jasper was still a child and although Mr. Whitlock had a fairly successful business they kept mostly to themselves. I can't even say I know what Mrs. Whitlock looks like because she never comes to social gatherings and Jasper always comes into town for them.

Jasper greeted us both politely. Then he took Alice's arm into his own and we began strolling along. They chattered about unimportant things, to me at least, it was easy to see they were very smitten with each other. I soon fell back knowing that my absence would go unnoticed for quite some time. Instead I turned the other direction and started toward my own house. I was sure that Anne Marie sent my father a dinner invitation but perhaps he would like me to accompany him back to the Masen's.

"Bella Swan," said a handsome young blond boy walking my way.

"Michael Newton," I returned the greeting and smiled at him.

"May I accompany you to your destination?" He asked politely and offered me his arm.

"Of course you may Michael. I was just on my way home to see my father."

Michael was another boy in town whom I had grown up around. Sometimes his smile was overly friendly but he had a good heart and I considered him a friend. We walked silently for a moment concentrating on walking around mud holes that had formed after the morning rain. I only thought being with Edward was awkward, at least I could carry on a conversation with him. It was getting uncomfortable so I broke the silence.

"You're going to the party tomorrow evening?" I asked.

"Of course. I hear that Mr. Stanley has outdone himself this year for his daughter's birthday. It should be quite an event and I am looking forward to a bit of relaxation. Everything else has gotten so tense, with the war and all."

This reminded me that Michael had been visiting relatives back East only recently. "Oh yes," I began, "You did only just get back from Philadelphia, didn't you? How was your trip?"

"Sad," he said and he let out a deep sigh. "I think we have not experienced the true hardship of the war here, but we will." He paused for a moment and then continued, "I enlisted."

This took me aback and I made a little squeak. Michael glanced at me and grinned.

"I don't know what to say," I admitted honestly. I had seen other men go off to war, but Michael was a childhood friend and barely eighteen. The idea made me slightly nauseous wondering how many others would follow him.

"Then let's not talk about it," he suggested cheerily.

"Okay," I agreed, "What shall we talk about then?"

He bit his lower lip and thought for a moment. However, we were now at my front gate and not wanting to linger in the yard with him, I mentioned this and hastily said a goodbye. Glancing up as Michael began to walk away and I latched the gate back, I noticed Edward riding down the road towards me on Prince, his favorite Red Sorrel stallion. He nodded and tipped his hat at Michael in a gentlemanly greeting but they exchanged no words. I stood and waited for his approach.

As he rode up he looked back at Michael who was moving away swiftly, then turned his head back to me and made a face. "Really Bella, you should watch the company you keep."

"Then perhaps I had better run inside before the neighbors see me out here with you". He knew I was only teasing him and laughed at me accordingly.

"Perhaps," he said still laughing at me. "Actually, it seems that Alice lost you, or so I hear. She thought you may have come home and I came to check on you."

"Well you can tell Alice that I can take care of myself," I huffed.

"Can you?" he asked. Edward looked down at me with his piercing green eyes again and I knew I had to save myself. This was one of the hopeful moments. I glanced down and kept staring at the ground while I spoke.

"I'll see you shortly, Edward. I'm going to get my father to accompany me back to your home for dinner."

"Very well," said Edward in a playful voice and when I looked back up he was already riding back through town.

When I turned around to go inside my father was standing at the door, already cleaned up and dressed for dinner. "Bells," he said softly.

"Are you ready to go then father?"

"Yes, I believe I am," he said with a hint of amusement so I opened the gate once more and we began to stroll down the road. We walked mostly in silence. My father was a man of very few words.

"Tell me something Bella, what was it that you and Edward were talking about so intently?"

"Why?" I asked rather sharply looking up at him.

"Never mind," he mumbled. I wasn't ready to let the subject go but before I could figure out how to ask what my father's thoughts were of, we were at the Masen home again.


	3. Dinner

Chapter 3. Dinner

Mr. Masen sat at the head of the table in the family's formal dining room. Mrs. Masen seated herself to his left and my father was on his right. I sat between my father and Alice which meant Edward was directly across from me. This scenario is played out quite often because my father and I dine with the Masen's on a regular basis. Mr. Masen and my father are fairly good friends. They take hunting and fishing trips together regularly. I've always been so close to Alice and for the most part Edward as well that the Masen mansion is like a second home for me.

Conversation flowed easily throughout dinner. Not only was Anne Marie an excellent housekeeper, but she was an amazing cook as well. Mr. Masen, my father, and Edward talked about business and then hunting. Mrs. Masen talked about social events that were coming up for her club and the community. Alice and I both agreed to help with baked goods for the next meeting which would be a community picnic and baking contest.

After this, Mrs. Masen began to retrace the events of her day. She had taken some of Anne Marie's potato soup to Mrs. Mallory's because she was sick. After a short visit there she went by the general store to buy some ribbon where she ran into Mrs. Stanley. This is where the conversation took a turn.

"She was in there bragging about tomorrow night," Mrs. Masen began, "She was telling everyone about the production being brought in from Seattle for her party. I didn't realize it was Sarah's party, I was under the impression it might be for Jessica."

"Well," said Mr. Masen, "Jessica is turning 18 and she's only excited for her daughter. You cannot blame her for getting caught up in the time."

"I know Edward but she could have some modesty. If Edward or Alice ever asked for a party like that, of course I would want them to have it. However, there is a difference between celebrating your child's birthday and using it as an excuse to show off your money."

"I'll agree with that Elizabeth," continued Mr. Masen. "However, Mr. Stanley is a very important business associate of mine and a friend," he added a little sternly.

Seeing that the subject of the Mrs. Stanley's character was closed, Mrs. Masen continued in a different direction. "Alice, dear, did you decide what you want to wear?"

"The yellow one I think, the one from New York that father brought back from his last business trip," Alice's eyes were lit up now at the idea of talking about dresses.

Mrs. Masen smiled. "That will be lovely Alice. I suppose that Mr. Whitlock is going to escort you?"

Mr. Masen's hands tightened up a little in fists and Edward jaw tensed. Neither of them had completely accepted the fact that Alice was growing up and had a courtship, even if it was with a respectable man like Jasper. Edward and Jasper were fairly close friends but when Alice was around it was noticeable that she and Jasper kept a distance from each other out of respect for Edward.

My father was looking around the dining room, avoiding eye contact with anyone. He twiddled his fingers and looked rather uncomfortable by the direction the conversation had taken. He wasn't much for talking about fancy parties, dresses, and dates. Alice seemed not to notice the change in the atmosphere at all and kept talking.

"Well, I suppose that he is going to escort myself and Bella as well."

Everyone looked at me. Thanks Alice. Now I was bright red with embarrassment. Edward was looking right at me with a smirk, obviously amused by the new shades I must've been turning.

Mrs. Masen smiled politely. "Edward, you are going tomorrow night, correct?"

His smirk faded as the attention was turned on him. Good.

"Yes mother, I believe I am."

"Well, you should go with Mr. Whitlock and Alice, and Bella. You can be her escort."

I was thoroughly humiliated now being set up by second mother with her son in front of my father and his. Worst of all was waiting for Edward's response. He was a gentleman, of course he would he say yes. I was most scared of his face though and wondered if he would be irritated at the thought.

"That sounds perfect," he said coolly and I could not resist my urge to look up so I did, straight at him. He was smiling and upon meeting my eyes he winked, again. I'm not sure what face I made next but it must have been a good one because he was suddenly trying to stifle a laugh.

"Excellent idea, Elizabeth," said Mr. Masen. "Charlie, that is alright with you, is it not?"

My father looked about as comfortable as I did but he nodded with assurance. "Of course it is. Edward is a good boy and I trust him with Bella's care." He smiled then, one of the fakest smiles I'd ever seen but it seemed to work and the tense atmosphere subsided.

After dinner, Mr. Masen suggested we retire to the parlor for some entertainment. Mrs. Masen and Edward both took turns playing the piano for us. Then the men left to have a cigar and a glass of brandy.

Mrs. Masen looked exhausted but being the host for the evening she would not leave Alice and me. Alice realized this and asked if we may be excused. Mrs. Masen's face looked relieved and she admitted that she was tired and would like to go lay down.

"Now what are we going to do?" I asked Alice.

"Well, I need to finish your dress. You're more than welcome to come and watch if you want but something tells me you won't enjoy the experience," she added sarcastically.

"Right, you know I think I'd rather just go out back and walk around for a while. It's a little stuffy in here for me. That would be okay wouldn't it?"

"Bella, silly, this is practically your house too. Of course it would, and if you need me, you know where to find me." She exited the room in a sprint and I could hear her soft footsteps hurrying up the stairs.

I started down the corridor and passed Anne Marie on my way where I told her once again how delicious her cooking had been.

There was no doubt that the Masen's had to be the wealthiest family in town. Although Mrs. Masen was humble about her situation, nothing about her home made any statement other than money. Behind the house she kept an elaborate garden. Some flowers were already in bloom but most would not open until June. I walked around trying to collect my thoughts. Edward was going to escort me to the party tomorrow night.

My first instinct was to smile and be happy, but then the terror set in. What on earth was I going to do waltzing into that party on Edward's arm? The thoughts were all too much and I decided maybe this "thinking" garden was not the place for me so I headed toward the stables.

Mr. Masen had many prized horses and he took excellent care of them. I enjoyed horses mostly and I didn't feel like being alone with my thoughts so I opened up a side door and looked for my favorite, Prince. I grabbed some alfalfa hay and used it to coax him toward me.

"Come here Prince," I tried to sound kind and harmless. All he needed to see was the hay and he was directly in front of me with his head hanging over the stall. I held out one hand and let him eat and patted him gently with the other.

"There's a good boy Prince." I laid my face next to his and let out a sigh, closing my eyes. He nuzzled me and I laughed quietly at him. "Did you have fun going out this afternoon with Edward?" I asked him as if he would just answer me back.

"It would have been more fun if Edward had let me give Michael Newton a swift kick but I was told I had to be a gentleman in the presence of a lady." Wait a minute, horses can't talk. My eyes opened and I jumped which sent Prince running to the back of his stall. Then Edward's laugh rang out from behind me.

"I thought for a minute there that you were just going to keep the conversation going with him. Tell me, do you and Prince often share stories like this?" Now he was mocking me and I was suddenly mad.

I gave him my best attempt at a glare possible and turned to leave but Edward grabbed my arm.

"Bella, don't go. I was only teasing." He was still chuckling.

"Are you done yet?" I snapped.

"I don't know, are you or should I give you two your privacy back?"

I bit my bottom lip to stop it from quivering and he noticed this.

"Bella, really, I was only making a joke. Please forgive me if I have truly offended you," his voice was sincere and I knew that he hadn't meant to upset me.

"Fine," it was all I could manage to say.

Then he grabbed my other arm and pulled me in towards him, wrapping his arms around me. Now my heart was racing and my eyes were open wide.

"I really am sorry," he apologized again. I thought I might faint so I stepped back from him and gave him a half hearted smile.

"I know," I said. "You often are."

"No fair," he said dropping his arms from me but he was smiling now. "I didn't know you still cared for horses. I rarely see you around them anymore. It's been, what, four or five years since you've ridden?"

"Four." When I was thirteen I fell off while out riding with my father and I was always too terrified to ever get back on. Eventually I wasn't scared of them anymore but I still would never ride one again.

"Would you care to amend that now?"

I let out a sarcastic laugh. "No, never. I'm never going to climb on one of these monsters again." I wanted to make my opinion on the matter clear.

"Prince is hardly a monster, Bella. Besides, you two are friends so do you really think he would ever hurt you?" His voice was so convincing and smooth. "Or that I would ever let him," he added quietly.

I needed to look away quick if I was going to win my argument but Edward was too fast for me. He reached out to open the stall and caught my arm before I could step back. "We'll start slowly, how's that?" he asked. Then I made my mistake. I looked at his eyes and afterward all I could do was nod my head. The view of his face in the shadows created by the lamp was too enticing. I had no choice but to do whatever he asked of me.

Edward grabbed a bridle from a nail on the door and stepped inside the stall with me in tow. Prince stepped forward and then shifted his body next to mine so that it startled me and I jumped. "Bella, don't upset him," Edward warned.

He slipped the bridle over Prince's ears and held him steady for me to pet. Then Edward led him outside. "Hold him here, I'll be right back," he said giving me the reins. A minute later he came back carrying a blanket and saddle.

"Edward," I started, "I really cannot ride."

"Do you trust me?" he asked staring at me intently. Of course I trusted him. Again, I could not find words and so my head nod had to answer for me.

Prince stood still while Edward got him ready to ride and then hoisted himself onto the saddle. Then he turned to me and held out his hand. I started to back out again but Edward only reassured me that his persistence never failed and that he would not let me go. Knowing he was being completely honest I took his hand and allowed him to help me up.

Prince moved this time, probably an adjustment to the extra weight he was not accustomed to but I made it safely into the saddle which was just big enough for both of us thanks in part to my small frame. Also, thankfully, I had chosen to wear a dress tonight that did not conform too close to my body and it was easy for me to swing my leg over to the other side of the saddle.

"No running or jumping or anything like that," I said trying to sound stern but my voice was shaky instead.

"I promise," said Edward. "Here, this might make you more comfortable." He reached back for my hands and wrapped my arms securely around his waist. Yes, this is one comfort I could get used to.

Edward made a clicking noise and gently tapped Prince with his boots so that he knew it was time to move. We started moving away from the stable and out into the field behind the house. The sun was completely gone now and it was dark.

"Do you think they'll miss us?" I asked meaning the people still in the house.

"I doubt it. We won't be gone too long and they are all keeping themselves busy. Besides, if we are both missing they will know we are out together and won't worry," he reassured me. That was just what I was worrying about. I didn't know what I would tell my father if it was suddenly discovered that I was out running around in the dark with Edward. We weren't children anymore and society's rules of what was and was not proper had caught up with us.

"What were you doing in the stable?" I asked.

"Well, I'm not much of a smoker or a drinker, and I'd rather not talk business unless I have to."

I wanted him to continue but he said nothing else. The ground beneath us suddenly became unsteady and I took in a sharp, nervous breath as I squeezed Edward tighter. He laughed at me and reassured me that Prince knew what he was doing and I should relax. I did relax slightly but I kept my hold around his waist tight.

Prince was Edward's jumping horse. I knew they both liked to go fast but tonight, for me, we were moving at an incredibly slow walking pace. We stopped in the middle of the field near a small circle of trees. Edward jumped lightly to the ground and then turned to help me. He put his hands on my waist and I slowly slid down into them until he caught me on the ground.

"See," he humored, "That wasn't so bad and you are still in one piece."

"For now, what about the trip back?"

He laughed. "I'm sure that will go just as smoothly."

"Why did we stop?" I asked. "It is pretty late and I'm sure that my father will want to be going home soon."

"I only wanted to sit and talk for a while, but if you think we should go back," he started but I cut him off.

"No," I said a little too quickly and anxiously. I tried to play it off and shrugged my shoulders. "No, I'm sure it will fine. I need a rest from being on that horse anyway. I'm not used to sitting in a saddle anymore."

Edward looked at me curiously and then folded himself down on the grass. He grabbed my hand and pulled me down next to him. He leaned against one of the trees, relaxing, but I stayed sitting up, my entire body rigid.

Edward closed his eyes and let out a sigh. After a moment he opened them and looked at me, sitting there looking very uncomfortable I'm sure. "Come here Bella," he said and he lifted up his arm for me to sit close to him.

Not being able to refuse, I scooted close to his side and his arm closed around my shoulder. I leaned my head down on his chest.

"Isn't that better," he asked.

"Yes." It seemed like ages before he spoke again.

"Bella, my father wants me to go to school in the fall, in Boston."

I didn't want to think about Edward ever leaving and by the tone in his voice, he didn't either. I didn't say anything so he continued.

"I know that it would benefit me to continue my education and certainly at any other time I would jump at the opportunity to learn. He says he'll pay my tuition for me and that all I have to do is study and make my grades."

I wondered what Edward meant by any other time and was about to ask when I caught my breath in my throat. What if Edward didn't want to leave because he would miss life here too much? Maybe he didn't want to leave his family and be so far from home. Maybe he didn't want to leave me. Or maybe there was someone else, someone like Jessica Stanley. _No, no, no Bella,_ I tried to tell myself before I got carried away with my ideas.

"Why won't you go then?" I asked simply because I would never be bold enough to ask him what I really wanted to know.

"In another month I'll be eighteen. I've been thinking lately that maybe my purpose in life would be better served in some other way currently than by sitting in a library or a classroom." He stopped then and let out a sigh. He seemed to be struggling with his words, like he didn't know how to put them. I had never known Edward to be at a loss for words.

"Edward, what is it?" I was completely curious now and I couldn't hide it from my voice.

"The war," he said simply and I sat up from my resting place against him.

"The war?" I repeated back to him like a question. If I had thought hearing Michael's news about enlisting hit close to home, I had in no way been prepared for this. "You mean that you want to go to war, as a soldier?"

"Yes."

"And your father disagrees with this?"

"Yes."

"Your mother and Alice?"

"I haven't mentioned it to them. I thought Bella, that you have always been such a good friend and that I might find some comfort in talking about it with you first."

I didn't have any words to say. I knew nothing about real war but I had read about it. There was only one thought that stood out in my mind at that moment, _people who go to war don't always come back._

"You can't," I started but I knew it was not my place to tell him that. "You…what if something were to happen Edward? War isn't good. People go and they die or they go missing and either way they never get to come back and…." I was rambling off at such a speed that my words were becoming blurred.

Edward shook me out of my rant. "Bella please don't think wicked of me. You know I have thought about all that, haven't I? My mind's been made up. I want to be a hero and I need your support. I need at least one person who I really care about to understand."

He was begging me to be the one person who wouldn't judge him for his decision and I knew I could not let him down. I could not spoil his dream. "Of course," I said then and looked away.

He reached out and with the back of his hand gently stroked my cheek. Thankfully the darkness concealed my immense blush.

"You are my best friend, Bella. I knew you would understand or at least try for my sake and I know that I can tell you anything. What happened to us? We used to talk like this all the time?"

"I guess we grew up."

"Ah, yes," was all he replied and he seemed to be concentrating intently on something. I was about to take my chances and lean back into him when he stood up. I had already started my movement and toppled right over in the grass. "Bella? Did you fall?"

"I'm okay," I stammered and stood up quickly.

"Amazing," he mused, "You can't even keep your balance when you're sitting down." He laughed then but only shortly. "We had really better get back now. I'm afraid I have kept us away for too long. It would help if we could make the returning trip a little faster."

I knew what he was insinuating and I was about to refuse when he added, "I wonder, what will Charlie make of our excursion?"

The prospect of getting back before my father missed me was all the persuasion I needed. "Fine, but no more than a jog. It will look even worse if we get back and my hair is all windblown and my clothes too."

Edward laughed again, something he always seemed to be doing around me. I never could determine if it was a good thing the way I always seemed to amuse him or not.

We arrived back at the Masen's and I was unscathed, just as Edward had promised. My good humor was short lived as we approached the stables. Someone was waiting for us, I could only make out a small figure holding a gas lamp and then I realized it was Alice.

"Boy, are you two in for it," she said and my heart fell.

"What's wrong?" asked Edward.

"Well, about a half hour ago Mr. Swan decided he had better be getting home and called for Bella. It didn't take long for anyone to realize that not only was Bella missing, but you were too, Edward. So we were all reassured by the fact that you were more than likely together. However, I do believe that Bella's father was quite anxious with the fact that you were together, alone and at night, and who only knows where."

"Hmm," was the only reply Edward seemed to be able to come up with. I started to climb down but he stopped me. "No, I'll take you home, Bella. I need to formally apologize to you father."

Oh no. I did not want to witness that. I wanted to tell Edward it wasn't necessary but suddenly Prince had been turned around and we were riding to my house.

"I'm sorry if I got you into trouble, Bella.," Edward said and I could tell by his voice he was truly sorry.

"It's okay."

We didn't speak again and soon enough we were at my house. My father was waiting on the front porch and he made his way toward us as Edward helped me off Prince. I gave him a half hearted smile and turned around to face my father.

"Go on inside and wait for me please Bella," said my father. It sounded like he was making a great effort to control his anger. I didn't say anything or even look back as I walked to the house. I didn't try to listen to his conversation with Edward, I didn't want to hear it. There was no yelling though which was to my relief.

When my father came back inside I was standing against the banister waiting. I couldn't look at him.

"Bella," he began, "I know you and Edward have been friends for a long time, but going off with him tonight was a very irresponsible thing for you to do, especially since you didn't tell a soul that you were leaving. I shouldn't permit him to escort you to the party tomorrow. In fact, you shouldn't be allowed to go at all."

I looked up and opened my mouth to protest, but he held up a hand to silence me.

"But," he continued, "I know that there was nothing dishonest or disgraceful taking place between you and Edward tonight. He is a gentleman and I trust that I have raised you with the upmost moral character. Next time though, I would appreciate if you go horseback riding during the day."

"Yes father." He was going to let me go out with Edward tomorrow night. I couldn't imagine what Edward must have told him out in the yard but I was thankful for it and did not want to push my luck any more tonight. I turned to go up the stairs.

"One more thing Bella..." Oh no, I turned around and waited. "How did he manage to convince you to get on that horse?"

It looked almost as if my father was about to start laughing. His eyes were full of amusement and curiosity and I could see him fighting to remain strict. I opened my mouth to speak but I truly had no answer and only shrugged. Charlie nodded at me and turned away. I started up the stairs again, but I swear I could hear him chuckling behind me.


	4. Party

Chapter 4. Party

The next morning I tried to keep myself busy so I would not think about the upcoming night. I scrambled eggs, baked biscuits, made gravy, and fried bacon for Charlie's breakfast. Actually when I was finished the table looked like it had enough food laid out to feed an entire army. I thought about that for a minute, thinking about armies did nothing to calm my nerves so I put that idea out of mind.

"Oh my word Bella," said my father as he stepped into the kitchen and got an eyeful of the table. "Are we expecting company for breakfast?"

"No, I just thought you might be hungry. We ate earlier last night than we usually do and…." I was at a loss for words and he sensed this.

"Bells, honey, I'm not mad at you for what happened last night. This was all unnecessary."

"Unnecessary? I really only wanted to provide a hearty home cooked meal for you, and now you don't even want it?" I was beginning to lose my calm. Charlie had come downstairs and was oblivious as to why I could be so upset but that wasn't going to save him now.

He looked at me very nervously. He could sense that something was bothering me but I knew he wouldn't ask. Instead he sat down and started eating, and kept eating. He ate until almost all of the food was gone and he looked like he would be sick. He reached for another piece of bacon, but I put my hand out to stop him.

"Father, I think you're full." I felt horrible now for lashing out at him. I hadn't meant for him to take it to this extreme to try and appease me. "I'm sorry if I was a little rude earlier. I just couldn't sleep much last night and I've been up for a while."

He looked relieved and nodded. "It really was delicious."

"Thanks."

We sat in an awkward silence for just a moment before he stood up and announced that he was going to be out for the afternoon taking care of some business. I started cleaning up immediately, not wanting to waste any time with too much thinking and worrying.

Before I knew it all the dishes were done so I decided to do laundry. There was very little of it and in no time I had everything scrubbed and hung out to dry. I went inside to clean but I had only dusted earlier in the week so there was not much waiting for me there either.

Why was there nothing for me to do? There was always work to be done and now I could find none. Frustrated I decided that I needed to make dinner for Charlie. He would have to eat tonight when I was gone. I could make him something to leave on the stove and he could reheat it himself.

It was only early afternoon by the time I finished everything I could imagine possible to do, so I decided to read. I pulled out a book and before I knew it I had read the same page three times and still had no idea what had happened. My mind was somewhere else and as much as I had tried, there was going to be no avoiding my nerves and anticipation this afternoon.

Throwing down the book, I stood and decided I could get cleaned up. I didn't want to pick the book back up. It was a symbol of my complete frustration but I could not bring myself to leave it on the floor. I sighed and said aloud to myself, "What on earth is anybody ever going to do with you Bella?"

I picked up the book, re-shelved it, and made my way to clean up for the party. Hopefully Alice could fix my hair because if I did it myself then there would be no hope for me. No more had I thought that exact idea than there was a knock at my front door.

"Bella!" exclaimed Alice cheerfully as she bounded in the house. "Oh my, you look sick. What have you been doing all day?"

"Um…cleaning, reading, cooking, nothing unusual."

She didn't buy, it but she didn't press the matter anymore. "Well, come on then. Let's get started." She grabbed my hand and started to pull me towards the door but I didn't budge.

"What? Get started? You came all the way here to drag me back to your house, so we could get dressed for a party thrown in honor of a girl neither of us even like five hours before we have to torture ourselves by going?" My voice was frantic and I could not even pinpoint why.

Alice blinked at me and then smiled. "Bella, is this about Edward?"

"Edward? I didn't even mention Edward. Why would this be about him?"

She reached up and patted my head. "What am I going to do with you Bella?"

"Funny you should ask that…" but she cut me off.

"You are not allowed to worry about tonight at all. Parties are meant to be fun and relaxing. Besides, when you see your dress you won't have any other worries about Edward not liking you in it."

Now it was going to get uncomfortable. "Can we just go already because my cheeks are starting to feel pretty warm, and I have a feeling that won't be going away anytime this evening?"

Alice laughed and pulled me out the door.

Alice had been right about the dress. She had altered it so that I hardly even recognized it as the same garment I had tried on only yesterday. Mrs. Masen came in to check on us once and admitted she had no idea it had once been hers until Alice mentioned it.

It fit tighter than what I was accustomed too. Alice said that was the new style. The lavender color looked pretty against my fair complexion and the ribbon accents Alice had added around the hem and neckline made it look very modern and Parisian. A sash of an even lighter purple shade tied into a bow in the back and Alice had elegant elbow length gloves of the same color for me. She did fix my hair. It wasn't tied up in the usual knot that I preferred; but instead pinned up very neatly in a fancy twist.

"Stop fidgeting," Alice commanded.

"I can't help it. We've been sitting up here in this room for almost an hour, just waiting."

"We have to make a proper lady's entrance Bella. We cannot go downstairs until our escorts are ready to leave."

"Says who?"

"Says me, that is who. You should just trust me sometimes Bella. It will have more of an impact on him if you wait."

I sat back down on the edge of her bed and stretched out on my side in boredom.

"Watch that hair now," said Alice glaring at me. "That took a long time to fix and it looks beautiful so you had better not go and mess it up."

"Please Alice?" Now I was whining and I knew that would get her to crack soon.

"Oh all right. I'm a little anxious myself I suppose; and you are driving me crazy." She stood up and smoothed out her skirt. Alice's dress was breathtaking. The yellow color flattered her and it was very easy to tell only by looking at the fabric and stitching that it had been imported from a fancy dress shop.

Walking down the stairs I could peer into the parlor where I saw Jasper, Edward, and Mr. Masen all conversing. I wanted to stop and stare at Edward for just a while longer because he looked very handsome dressed up, but then the stairs under us creaked and all three heads turned up and looked towards us. Suddenly embarrassed yet again I looked down and concentrated on taking the last few steps carefully so as not to trip.

"Ready," said Edward as he smiled down at me and offered me his arm.

I took it and we walked out into the night to a waiting horse and buggy. I knew that the Masens' had fancy carriages, but I assumed this belonged to the Whitlock's and I knew Edward would never be so rude as to insist taking one of his father's much nicer ones. The Masens' were all very modest and humble compared to some others in our community.

Alice sat up front with Jasper giving Edward and I some privacy.

"Bella, are you ok?" he asked. "You look like you're about to be sick."

"I've been hearing that a lot lately."

"Pardon?" he looked thoroughly confused now. Good, let him feel like the lost puppy for a change.

"Never mind. I'm just a little cold," I offered as a better explanation for my tense posture and hard breathing. I was cold. I hadn't realized I had forgotten my wrap until after we left the house.

Edward reached his arm around me and pulled me close to him. "Better?" he asked and I nodded. It was certainly better but it did nothing to calm my nerves.

Shortly, we arrived at the Stanley house which could almost rival the beauty of the Masens'. The house was a rather large two story covered with magnificent windows and each of them was lit up. Lights lined the walkway to the front steps and there were flowers everywhere.

We were going to have a late meal, thank goodness, because I felt like I might faint from not having eaten since breakfast. My stomach was tied in a knot, and I kept taking deep breaths as we entered. Mr. and Mrs. Stanley both greeted us first and then Jessica.

She looked like she would rather be mingling with guests inside but her parents had forced her to stand by the door and be a polite host. Her crimson dress was certainly fancy and looked very new and modern. The dull expression on her face shifted into a wide grin upon seeing Edward and then into confusion after she noticed me on his arm.

"Jasper, Alice, Edward, and Bella," she said with false enthusiasm as she took each of our hands. She held onto Edward's for a little too long. "I'm so glad you are all here."

"Of course Jessica," Alice said speaking for our group. "We wouldn't miss this for the world. Happy birthday," she added cheerfully.

Jessica plastered on her fake smile and the awkward conversation continued, "I believe it is almost time for dinner so make yourselves comfortable until then. Save me a dance, Edward?" She looked at him from under her long lashes and smiled innocently.

I could feel Edward stiffen at my side. He nodded and mumbled something that sounded like "of course." Swiftly then he pulled me away.

Inside guests were gathered around exchanging greetings. We must have been some of the last to arrive because before I could even finish taking in the house, it was announced that it was time for dinner.

Although the house was grand, there was not enough room for all the guests in the dining room. We were all escorted outside behind the house to see that the yard there had been completely transformed. There were two huge tables all lined with fancy dinnerware. The centerpieces were alternated between small white bouquets and white candles.

"Bella," called out Jessica as she grabbed my arm and pulled me from Edward. "Come sit by me."

It sounded more like she wanted me to come sit with her so that Edward would be close, but I didn't object. I followed her to the head of the first table and the others were right behind us. One thing was for sure, I was not about to let Jessica come between me and Edward. Apparently Edward had the same idea because he sat down first leaving one seat between himself and the head of the table. Jessica would never allow someone else to sit at the head of her table where everyone could see and admire her.

Michael sat next to her on the other side, directly across from me. Lauren Mallory was next to him followed by Alice and then Jasper. "Should be interesting," I mumbled to myself and looked up to see Edward staring at me curiously. I shook my head to discourage him from asking questions.

The boys quickly struck up a conversation about the war. It made me uneasy and tense when Michael started bragging about having enlisted. I looked up at Edward and it was easy for him to understand my sudden weariness.

Speaking only to me he said softly, "Bella, you look beautiful tonight. I don't believe I told you that earlier but I certainly have been thinking it all evening." Jessica cleared her throat then indicating that our conversation was not private and Edward looked up. "All of you ladies are absolutely stunning, of course," he added then.

"Edward is right Bella. That dress is very becoming on you. Where ever did you acquire it?" I looked up to see Lauren smiling at me intently awaiting my reply. She knew exactly what she was asking and her cruel intentions were caught on by the rest of the group within earshot. It was never a secret that my father did not have very much money. She knew this dress could not possibly be mine.

I was at a loss for words but, as he somehow always managed to do, Edward rescued me. "Bella and Alice's gowns were both gifts."

Everyone looked at Edward, waiting for him to continue. Jessica's eyes were especially wide and Lauren was leaning over the table now.

"Well, as you know I travel often with my father on his business trips. Alice and my mother both almost always stay here, and it is very dreadful that they have to miss out on so much. So on our latest trip to New York, I told my father we simply could not return empty handed or else the doors would be locked and we'd be sleeping in the stables." He paused then to allow them all a humorous moment. Edward is always so polished and eloquent when he speaks.

"So we picked up three pretty dresses, all imported from France, as an offering to stay in the good graces with the women we love; my wonderful mother, adoring sister, and of course, my best friend. Alice is wearing hers also I believe. It appears we just needed an occasion as special as this in order for the girls to really play dress up." He smiled at Jessica and she was instantly as dark as her crimson gown and gaping at him.

Lauren seemed satisfied enough with this, jealous even. The dress truly looked like it could have come from Paris after all of the work Alice had done to it. Under the table I felt Edward reach across and take my hand in his, giving me a gentle squeeze. I looked up at him, telling him thank you with my eyes, and his answering smile reassured me that he understood.

Just then music began to play and Mrs. Stanley came by to suggest we all make our way to the dance floor. Michael glanced at me and smiled. I knew what was coming next and I was not ready for it. Thankfully Jasper caught on to Michael's smile as well.

"Bella," said Jasper standing up and walking around to me, "May I have this dance?"

I looked quickly at Alice who gave me a nod to assure me it was fine, and then I took his hand and let him lead me to the floor.

"You know, I'm not very good at this," I said as he twirled me around once and then pulled me into his arms.

"I know," he said smiling widely. "However, I saw the fear in your eyes when Michael looked your way so I thought I would step in to the rescue."

"Well I'm glad you did." Then I lost my footing and stepped on him. I looked up and bit my lower lip. "Sorry," I began but his laugh cut me off.

Edward and Alice were twirling around next to us elegantly and without any trouble at all. They had both taken dance lessons growing up. They had also seen me stumble onto Jasper and looked as amused as he did.

We floated around the floor, or rather he did and I clumsily tried to keep up, but the entire time I noticed that Jasper's concentration was on nothing other than Alice.

"You really love her," it was a statement, not a question, but he felt inclined to answer it anyway.

"Alice could do much better than me," he said looking down, "Which is exactly why I am planning to snatch her up before she realizes that too." I laughed at his teasing then.

"I don't think you have much to worry about. She is so completely smitten with you that sometimes I don't think she realizes that the rest of us really exist."

"I do wish though that Edward would not be so weary about our relationship. I think you must finally sweep him off his feet so that he can be distracted with his own romance rather than mine."

I turned bright red and he threw his head back and laughed. "I haven't the slightest idea what that is supposed to mean."

"Really Bella? Because I see the way you two look at each other. It seems like you both just have to see it too."

"How did we end up talking about Edward? This is about Alice, remember? She would marry you in a heartbeat you know? And no wonder, you really are perfect for her."

"Now you're just trying to get on my good side."

"It was worth a try."

The song ended then and Jasper spun me around. "Now go dance with Alice. She couldn't keep her eyes off of you either." His grin stretched across his face and he was off to find her.

I glanced around, nonchalantly, trying to find Edward. We found each other's eyes together and he was suddenly on his way toward me. I decided to stand and wait on him, better to not appear too anxious. Then Jessica stepped out and grabbed his arm. She was talking to him and he looked utterly irritated with her. However, with a final glance in my direction he gave a half hearted smile and began to spin her around the floor.

Now I was standing alone in the middle of a floor surrounded by twirling couples. I pondered how best to make my way to safety without being trampled on for a moment, before I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Michael, staring at me wide eyed and anxious.

"May I?" he asked. I could see that Jessica and Edward were not only dancing now but also engaged in conversation. _Why not_ I thought and took Michael's hand.

We began dancing and he began to talk to me and ask questions. I would occasionally nod my head or reply with, "Mmm." I very honestly had no idea what he was babbling on about. My eyes were on Edward the entire time but Michael was not letting us get close enough for me to eavesdrop on the conversation he was having with Jessica.

This was beginning to get old. I was constantly tripping over Michael's feet, but he didn't seem to care because he was engaged in conversation with practically himself. I had to know what they were saying.

"I want to go over there," I said to Michael. "It's crowded here. Dance me over there."

He looked a little confused so I just took the lead myself and before long we had tripped our way to the other side of the dance floor. Much to my disappointment, the music was too loud and I couldn't hear a word of Edward and Jessica's conversation. I could clearly see his expression though.

I had imagined that Edward would look bored or irritated, but on the contrary he looked intrigued. What could she possibly have to say that would capture his attention so readily? The song came to an end and Edward swiftly leaned down and whispered something into her ear. Then she erupted with a fit of giggles.

He looked up and met my eyes then. I was doing my best to manage a glare which must've been working pretty well for me because Edward's face suddenly dropped. He took a step towards me and knowing that I would not be able to refuse a direct invitation to dance from him, I grabbed onto Michael.

"Another?" I asked and batted my eyelashes. Although he still looked very much confused, Michael was happy to oblige me with another dance and so we started twirling again. I made it a point to try and not look up. If I had hurt Edward's feelings I didn't want to see it written on his face.

Then out of the corner of my eye I saw him spinning around the floor with Lauren. Now I was truly mad. I would not let him get to me. I could not let him get to me. He did, however, know how these girls looked down on me and he was still dancing with them. Yes, that would be reason enough for me to be angry with him.

I forced Michael to dance with me until I was sure his feet must've been severely bruised, and then I finally let him go. Edward made no other attempt to come toward me. And the few times that I caught his eye he was glaring intently. I imagine that he danced with every girl there, except for me.

It was getting late and the guests were starting to disperse. Alice came bouncing up. "Are you ready? I'm so tired. Did you see Jasper and I danced the entire night?"

I smiled at her weakly. "I saw. He couldn't take his eyes off of you all night."

"Where's Edward?"

"Haven't seen him," I said a little harshly.

"Did something happen," she began but then Jasper and Edward walked up next to us.

"Ready?" asked Jasper. He shifted his weight a little nervously and I wondered if the tense atmosphere between Edward and I could be picked up on by him.

We made our way back toward the buggy and Edward spoke first.

"It looks like you and Newton had an interesting night," he said coldly.

"Hardly as interesting as yours was with…every girl there." He had no right to speak to me that way about dancing with Michael after he paraded around with almost the entire town.

"Not every girl. It appears some of them; one in particular, doesn't care much for my company."

"How upsetting that must be for you, not being able to have everyone eating out of the palm of your hand. Perhaps Jessica Stanley could help mend your wounds."

"Perhaps."

I stopped walking. "Jasper, Alice, I do believe that the air tonight is so enjoyable I would much rather walk home myself."

"Bella," said Edward warningly, "There is no way in hell that I am going to let you walk home alone. I'll walk with you."

"Watch your language. I don't want you to go with me." I couldn't keep my voice level anymore and I nearly shouted it at him.

Jasper and Alice had reached the buggy and were waiting casually, trying not to listen and give us some privacy. I could feel hot tears welling in my eyes and then they spilled over. I was too angry to control my emotions.

"Bella?" said Edward much more softly now and he reached out his hand to wipe a tear from my eye. I shuddered and turned away from him. "Bella, please don't cry. I never meant to upset you so much."

"Please, I want to go home."

He thought for a moment and it seemed he was debating letting me go or carrying on with our current conversation. "Alright," he said after a minute, "If you still insist on walking though I will come with you, alright?"

I nodded and slipped off his coat. "Here," he said starting to wrap it around me but I moved away. "No Bella, I don't want you to get sick. Take it. Please, for me?"

There was never any point in ever arguing with Edward because eventually he always got his way. I allowed him to wrap the coat around me and then we set off in silence.

"I don't suppose you want to talk?" He asked and let out a sigh when I did not answer.

I wanted to talk. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for acting so childish and that jealousy was the only explanation I could offer. I've always known Edward to be one of the most stubborn people I've ever met. If he could be that way whenever he wanted, so could I and I planned to hold out as long as I could. I had already succeeded in making a fool out of myself. Staying quiet seemed like my most hopeful option.

We approached my house, and after a short goodbye I left him standing at the gate as I ran to the front steps and inside. I didn't look back. I did however, look out of the dark window when I was safely out his sight. The moonlight illuminated him so that I could see him staring with his mouth open.

After a moment he threw his head down and kicked at the ground, stirring up dirt around him. He put his hands on top of his head and slowly began to walk away. I was actively crying by then and realizing that his coat was still draped over my shoulders, I pulled it closely around my body.


	5. Apologies

Chapter 5. Apologies

The next morning I woke up with the strangest feeling. I felt still angry at Edward, but I was also sad. I tried to read, but my mind was constantly distracted.

I wondered when I would hear from him next and how he felt. I wondered about it so much that it bothered me the entire day. I couldn't eat at all because my stomach felt tangled in knots. I was angry then that I could not put him out of my mind.

_Why should I worry about Edward? What's he to me?_

I kept thinking these things and was finally so frustrated that I decided to take a walk. I opened the front door and caught sight of Edward pacing in front of the gate. I was completely stunned.

He did not look up so I quietly shut the door and pressed myself up against it.

I peered out of the window to look at him again. His hands were in his pockets. He was wearing work clothes and they were disheveled. He looked like a mess which was highly unusual for Edward when he was making house calls. It was almost as if he had not planned this visit to my house at all but was here nonetheless.

He seemed to be debating with himself about what he was doing, or what he was going to do. The scene was a very familiar one from last night, and he looked as confused as he had been then. He didn't know I was watching him now, and he didn't see me staring out of the window last night either. I almost felt guilty for spying on him like this.

He started to look up slowly and I jumped away from the window and pressed back against the front door. My heart was pounding in my chest. What could he want?

Maybe he needed to talk to my father and was worried that I would be here instead. Or perhaps he had come to apologize to me. Why would he apologize? I had acted like a baby last night and thrown a tantrum all because of a dance.

He had been my escort, but we weren't publicly courting so it had been nothing but proper that he had danced with those girls, especially since I was dragging Michael around the entire night.

Maybe he was mad at me still. My heart sank. He had every right to be angry with me and he did look very frustrated standing out there by the gate. Several long minutes passed.

I was sure that he hadn't seen me at the window, but now I could not look so I waited. Time passed very slowly then.

Suddenly I could hear him. I heard the gate creak as it opened and then shut. I heard his footsteps coming up the steps toward the front door. They were very soft; Edward was always light on his feet. He was getting closer to the door and I held my breath unintentionally.

There were three loud knocks on the door and it startled me. I knew that was coming next but somehow had been unprepared for it. I jumped away from the door turned around.

He knocked again and I stood there frozen in place. Part of me wanted to open the door, to see his shiny green eyes and tousled bronze hair. I remembered my promise to myself not to be weak, and I knew I could not answer.

Besides, what would I say? I didn't know why he was here, and if he was still mad then I did not want to see him.

I waited for a moment as I heard him go back down the front steps. I let out my breath which I was holding again for no reason. When I heard nothing, I ran back to the window. He was almost to the gate, but I did not want to lose sight of him there. I ran upstairs to my bedroom window which faced east down the road.

Peering out, I could see that he had taken off his hat and ran his hands through his hair. He was walking away slowly with his head down kicking his feet as he went. I watched him as long as I could until he turned the corner.

Now I was angry and frustrated not only with Edward, but also with myself for letting him go. I wanted to know why he had come to my house, and it was going to drive me out of my mind until I did.

The next day Anne Marie came by the house to deliver a dinner invitation from Mrs. Masen. My father immediately accepted and then came to tell me. I insisted that my father go but that I didn't feel well enough. I was still in my strange mood from the past days' events, so lying in bed and looking sick came very naturally. I wasn't sure yet if I was ready to face Edward.

My father would not leave me home for so long if I was sick, but I did convince him that he should go to the Masens' and explain to them in person why we wouldn't be in attendance at dinner. That was satisfactory enough for him. He always enjoyed getting out of the house, especially to visit Mr. Masen.

I waited up for him to come home. He was gone for a rather long while actually. I paced back and forth through the parlor and then the kitchen. Finally I made my way to my bedroom when I heard the front door open and then shut. I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around my night gown before heading to the top of the stairs.

I tried to sound weak when I spoke, but I was so anxious to talk to my father that I found that to be difficult.

"Ah, Bella dear, you're out of bed!" said Charlie cheerily. "Are you feeling better?" he asked as he started up the stairs.

"Somewhat. How are Mr. and Mrs. Masen?"

He looked at me curiously and placed his hand across my forehead.

"They're fine. They wish you a swift recovery, but it seems you don't have a fever. That's good news."

"And Alice? How is she?"

Charlie laughed at me, still looking curious. "Everyone is fine Bella. You are the one we are concerned with. Elizabeth sent some soup home with me. Her own recipe, that's why I was gone for so long. She insisted that you have to eat to keep up your strength."

"Did anyone say anything?"

"Anything about what Bells? Why are you so anxious?"

"I'm not," I said rather quickly and defensively.

"Alice will be by to check on you tomorrow. Edward also wishes you the best in recovering."

"Did he say that? Did Edward say that, I mean?" Now I had gone to far with my inquisition. Charlie's eyes narrowed and he looked deeply concentrated.

"Yes," he said rather slowly and drawn out.

I could tell that my father was about to turn the tables and begin asking me questions; so I quickly insisted I should return to bed.

The next day, true to her word, Alice came by the house. My father led her into the parlor where I was seated looking out the window. My book was lying next to me. It had been opened to the same page for hours because my concentration was elsewhere.

I smiled weakly at her when she came into the room and caught sight of me.

"Bella!" she exclaimed. "I wanted to check on you. Are you still sick? You look like a mess!"

I hadn't put much effort into my appearance at all. I hadn't brushed my hair or bothered to pull it back. It draped down my back in a wavy mess. I hadn't bothered to get dressed either and had only slipped a dressing gown over my nightgown.

"I'm alright I suppose."

"Well, you don't look like you are alright, but you aren't in bed with a fever so that is a good thing. What's the matter?" she asked sounding thoroughly concerned.

I looked away from her and out the window. I could not lie to Alice and she was very clever so I merely shrugged my shoulders. My silence was the only answer Alice needed. Her concerned tone of voice was gone and she sounded angry when she replied.

"Edward," she said and her voice was stone cold. Alice's tiny frame most often made her look fragile and weak. She was anything but a weak person and when she was angry, she was a force to be reckoned with.

"Edward," she repeated again and then put her hands on her hips. "I knew it. I knew you weren't really ill yesterday when your father said you had no symptoms except drowsiness and some depression. Edward was acting strange all day yesterday and last night and I just knew something was up. All this happened after the other night. What did he do?" she snapped.

"Nothing."

"It doesn't look like he did nothing. You tell me now before I go and confront him myself."

"You'll do that anyway now."

She thought about that for a minute before continuing, "He has been working all day and has no idea where I am. What if I promise not to mention this conversation?"

"What conversation?"

"The one we are about to have where you tell me everything that happened at Jessica's party."

It was no use ever arguing with Alice. Like Edward, she always seemed to get her way. So I told her everything.

A couple of hours passed as Alice and I sat there and visited. Finally she stood up and announced, "Alright, let's go."

"Go where?"

"Out. This is positively depressing sitting around here and I need to go by the store before it closes."

"I'm not in much shape to go out Alice. Thank you for keeping me some company this afternoon though."

Alice glared at me. "Bella," she said in a sharp tone.

"Fine," I mumbled and glared back at her. I stood up and stretched.

My glare had no intimidation affect on her at all. "Go wash up now and get changed. Then come back down and I'll do something with your hair." I shot her another glare, but she only laughed back at me. I made my way upstairs then to get ready.

When I came back downstairs Alice twisted her face up at the site of me. I knew her reaction was to my dress. If she was going to make me leave the comforts of my house, then I was going to be as comfortable as I could. I picked out a blue plaid cotton dress. It was one of my favorite summer dresses which was easy to tell because it was so worn.

She twisted my hair up in a bun, and we quickly set out towards the general store.

As we were walking up the steps, Jessica Stanley came out of the door. I cast a sideways glare in Alice's direction and she looked back at me apologetically.

"Bella and Alice!" exclaimed Jessica. "It's so nice to see you both," she added smiling.

"Jessica," I acknowledged her and nodded.

"Good afternoon Jessica," said Alice with a bright smile. "I haven't had the chance to thank you for your party invitation. It was absolutely wonderful."

"No thank you Alice! Thank you so much for coming. And in fact, you are just the person I needed to speak to today."

"Oh," said Alice with enthusiasm. "What about?"

"Well, your mother is organizing the bake sale fundraiser and the community picnic. I'd love to help set up for the picnic and bake some goods for the women's club."

"That sounds lovely Jessica and I'm sure my mother would love to have your help, but I'm afraid you'll have to speak with her about it. I can't help you."

"Oh, of course. I thought I might go call on her at your house this afternoon. Do you know if she'll be home."

"I am sure she will be."

"You'll all be home this afternoon?" Jessica asked trying to sound nonchalant but it was easy to tell what she was insinuating.

"My mother should be home," said Alice with a smile and a note of finality for the conversation.

I had been leaning awkwardly against a post watching people on the road, but now I turned around to face the girls. We exchanged quick and polite goodbyes. Alice and I headed inside the store, where she immediately sought out the new selection of fabrics. I'm not much for choosing fabric so I walked through the store glancing around.

"Isabella dear," called out Mrs. Fischer from the counter.

Mrs. Fischer was an elderly widow. She taught Sunday school every week and donated all of her spare time to helping the community. If anyone should ever fall seriously ill, they could be certain that she would have potato soup at their door as soon as she could get it ready. She participated in fundraisers and local charity events all across the state of Washington.

"Mrs. Fischer," I said walking towards her. "Good afternoon."

She smiled warmly at me. "Isabella, are you terribly busy?"

"No ma'am. I'm not shopping at all. I only accompanied Alice."

"I came to pick up a few things and it appears a few turned into too many."

I looked at the counter and noticed two large baskets full of goods.

"Would you like me to help you with these?" I asked.

"I do hate to ask, but please if you don't mind. I'll pay you for your help."

"Don't worry about that Mrs. Fischer. It's no trouble at all."

I would never take money for helping her carry groceries. She was one of the most respected and kindest women in Forks. She smiled warmly at me and turned towards the door. I picked up the baskets which turned out to be heavier than I had thought.

"Want some help?" Alice asked from across the store.

"No, I've got it. I'll be right back."

Alice nodded and turned back towards the fabric. She would be staring at the different fabrics and patterns for a while. Alice was very picky when she started a new project and she did not take choosing material lightly.

Mrs. Fischer lived close so the walk was very short. I immediately noticed that her house was getting a fresh coat of paint. The fresh white color was very bright and only halfway completed.

There was a ladder set up against the house and several paint buckets in the yard. There was a boy standing with his back turned to us admiring his handy work. As we got closer he turned around and I could see that Mrs. Fischer's hired hand was Edward.

His mouth dropped open a little when he saw us, and he immediately rushed to my side taking both baskets from my hands.

"I told you I should have gone with you," he said to Mrs. Fischer.

"I know Edward, but thankfully Isabella was willing to help."

"Bella," said Edward inclining his head toward me.

I looked up and caught his eyes. He was staring at me intently but there was nothing harsh about his look. In fact, I thought he almost looked pleased. His cap was laid lazily on top of his hair, and his shirt was half un-tucked with the top couple of buttons undone. There was paint stains splattered on his pants, and his sleeves were rolled up to reveal a tan he had been getting from being outside. He looked amazing.

I was about to turn and leave when Mrs. Fischer spoke.

"Isabella, Edward, you two come inside for a minute. I would really love a glass of tea and I feel like company."

There was no way I could refuse her invitation. I looked at Edward and he grinned at me. I could not help but to smile back at him.

The three of us sat at Mrs. Fischer's table visiting for several hours. She told us stories about growing up in the old Oregon Country. She was a very entertaining woman, and Edward and I were enthralled listening to her speak. Finally, Edward announced that he should get back to work while there was still some sunlight available. Mrs. Fischer insisted he escort me home and not return to work until the morning. I refused of course, but she insisted.

I didn't want to walk home with Edward in silence, so I talked about the stories Mrs. Fischer had been telling us all afternoon. Edward humored me and we carried on this conversation until we reached the gate at my house. Now the sun was beginning to set.

"Thank you Edward," I said and I looked down.

"Bella, before you go inside there is something I must say to you."

I stared at the ground waiting, but then he hand gently cupped my chin and he brought my eyes up to meet his. My breath caught in my throat and for a minute I stopped breathing altogether.

He continued, "I must have you know Bella that my behavior at the party was unacceptable. I must also ask your forgiveness."

He wanted me to forgive him? I was the one who owed him an apology.

"I want your forgiveness Edward. I was childish, and you did nothing wrong."

He turned his head curiously to the side and his smile lit up his eyes.

"Then may I assume that the entire incident can be put behind us?"

"Of course, Edward. I wouldn't want to fight with you."

Very slowly he leaned his face down toward mine. I stopped breathing again and waited. I had no idea what was about to happen. Edward's face was directly next to mine. He turned his head slightly and gave me a soft kiss on my left cheek.

"Thank you Bella," he whispered.

I thought I might pass out. I could feel my knees weakening when he placed his hand on my head and tousled my hair. I came back to life then and jumped.

"Hey, that's not fair! Alice spent a lot of time trying to make that pretty bun for me."

I reached up to grab the cap from his head, but he was too quick for me and caught my arm.

"I don't think so Bella," he said laughing. He turned and started to walk down the road to his house, leaving me standing there at the gate; flustered and more confused than I had ever been.


	6. Trip

Chapter 6. Trip.

I didn't hear or see anything of Edward for the next two days. I was too shy to ask Alice about him, so he was never mentioned in any of our conversations. I had no excuse to visit the Masen home, because Alice came to see me first. It was on the third day that Edward was finally mentioned.

"Father's gone to Chicago this morning," said Alice drearily as I poured us both a cup of tea. She was always sad when he left for business trips, which was rather quite often.

"I'm sorry. Any idea how long he'll be away for?"

"None," she said and then glanced at me out of the corner of her eyes. "He's taken Edward with him."

"Oh," I said now understanding why she was staring at me so intently.

My expression must've given me away because she turned to face me fully and raised her eyebrow suspiciously.

"That bothers you?" she asked.

"Why should it? It's only that Edward doesn't usually accompany your father on his business deals. Edward isn't much for all that."

Alice nodded but didn't look convinced. Truthfully, I was hurt that Edward had left town and I had not spoken to him in the two days prior. I don't know what right I had to expect a goodbye from him, but nonetheless there was a pit in my stomach at the thought of him being gone for a length of time.

The Masens' often went to Chicago. Mr. Masen had some of his biggest clients there. On occasion the entire family would go and spend several weeks. I had accompanied them to their home in Seattle on many occasions but never anywhere as far east as Chicago.

Edward hated business. He was interested enough to appease his father, but he had told me before how bored it made him. Alice and I didn't speak about her father or Edward again. The weeks passed uneventfully.

I avoided the Masen home. I was afraid that it might make me sad knowing that Edward wasn't there. The community picnic and bake sale I had promised Mrs. Masen I would help with was finally taking place. I kept myself busy working in the kitchen all morning. I was finishing another pie when Alice made her appearance early in the afternoon.

"Goodness Bella," she said gaping at the cookies, pies, and cakes surrounding the entire kitchen. "You'll definitely need some help carrying all of this to the community building."

"I know. I got carried away," I admitted.

"A few of us are going to sit together at the picnic. Do you want to join?"

"Who's a few?"

"Jessica, Michael, Tyler, Eric, Benjamin, maybe Lauren."

I made a face of disgust but Alice cut me off before I could speak.

"Angela will be there too. And of course myself and Jasper. Don't be such a spoil sport Bella. I know they aren't all your favorite people but you don't really want to sit with Charlie and all the other adults do you?"

"No, but I those people make me feel so uncomfortable. I'm not like them or like you Alice. My father doesn't have that kind of money." I turned away from her because I knew she was about to be angry with me. Alice hated to have discussions over money with me. I was right.

"Isabella how dare you!" she snapped. "You and your father are just as good as every other person that is going to be there. The only one of those people who cares about that at all are Lauren and Jessica. They don't amount to much where it counts so I never want to see you letting them get you down. Understand?" she asked with a note of finality in her tone.

I nodded my head, and the discussion was closed. I packed Charlie a food basket and then made one for myself. Jasper arrived at the house around three, just as he had promised Alice. Alice pulled my hair halfway up and left the rest flowing down my back. She also brought me another dress to wear, a very simple yet pretty one.

We loaded the buggy and then made our way to the community building on the far side of town. The building was nothing special but it was large enough to hold community events and town meetings. There was a large open field shaded by tall oaks from the forest behind it where the picnic would be held.

Alice and Jasper didn't stay indoors long, but I offered to stay in and help Mrs. Masen. There were several other ladies working also and I soon realized I was in the way more than I was actually helping. I excused myself to go outside.

The whole town and everyone from neighboring communities and farms seemed to be there. Children were running around and playing games. In the distance there was a cricket match taking place. Jasper was playing and Alice sat in the grass watching him. I made my way to sit next to her.

Eventually people began unpacking their food baskets and everyone settled down to eat. Jessica and Lauren ignored me which I had anticipated. Michael made it a point to sit next to me. He tried to engage me in conversation several times but it always died out because frankly I had nothing to say to him.

Alice and Jasper were in their own world where the rest of us did not exist. The men talked mainly about war, a conversation that reminded me of Edward and I did not wish to hear it. So I tuned them out. Angela, bless her soul, was my confidante for the meal. She was sweet and pleasant to visit with.

"Edward!" shouted Jessica suddenly and we all stopped our own conversations to look at her. "Edward," she yelled aloud again and this time we turned to look at her source.

My heart leapt in my chest. There walking towards us was Edward Masen. He had on long trousers, a white collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a vest, and his old cloth cap. He looked absolutely remarkable. He smiled at us widely as we all looked at him.

Alice was on her feet running toward him. He wrapped his arms around her and picked her up in a warm embrace. I wanted to run to him too but then I saw Jessica making her way across the field. My smile faded then. Who was she to throw such a fit over Edward's unexpected arrival?

She reached him and wasted no time in placing her arms around his neck. My stomach was sick at the sight and I felt like I might lose the food I had just consumed. He placed one arm over Alice's shoulders and the other over Jessica's. The three of them walked together and closed the distance between us.

Lauren stood up to give Edward a hug as well. Angela waved at him and all of the guys shook his hand. I put my head down and picked at the grass. They were all saying hello to him but he hadn't even noticed me yet.

"We didn't think we would see you so soon Edward," said Jessica over excitedly.

"Yes Edward. As happy as I am to have you home, what on earth are you doing just showing up here?" asked Alice.

"Did you not receive the letter from Father?" he asked and Alice shook her head.

"Well then that explains why I just showed up. There must have been a problem with the mail carrier."

"Whatever the reason I'm glad you're here," said Alice as she sat back down on the blanket next to Jasper.

"Bella," said Edward softly and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I raised my eyes to look at him.

"Edward," I said as I nodded my head and offered him a weak half smile. I wondered why he bothered even saying my name at all. I was already invisible and he had made no gesture to show that he was excited to see me when he arrived.

His smile faded and he looked confused by my mood but I resumed playing with the grass. As happy as I was to have him here I couldn't help but feel jealous of his affections toward Jessica. I had no right to feel that way and I knew it, but my stubbornness wasn't going to make this situation comfortable.

When I thought that I had witnessed enough I felt something on the side of my face. My head looked up and I was alarmed to find Michael brushing my hair back across my face and behind my shoulder.

"Forgive me Bella," he began, "but your hair looks so lovely down across your shoulders. It's just as soft as it looks." He smiled at me but I was frozen.

I could feel everyone's eyes on us and the color was rising in my cheeks. I was so uncomfortable already and this pathetic boy thought he had a right to reach out and touch me? Michael's smile was short lived as Edward plopped himself down on the blanket between us.

Michael abruptly pulled his hand away from me. I was thankful for Edward. Like a big brother, he had once again come to my rescue. I looked up hoping to silently thank him but was surprised when I saw his face. Edward looked angry and upset.

Everyone had resumed chattering and gossiping so I sensed they didn't notice. Edward's jaw was clenched tight and he said rigidly. I looked down and saw that his fist was clenched in a handful of grass.

"Music!" cried Alice standing up suddenly. Music had just begun to play in the distance, and we all heard it. Time had passed quickly and it was dusk now.

"I believe the dance has started," announced Jasper also rising up. "Shall we go?" he asked Alice but she was already holding his hand prepared to drag him off.

"Come on Bella, Edward," she said as she reached down and pulled me up so fast I nearly fell over forward.

Edward let out a soft chuckle at my expense and then replied, "I had better find Mother first. She will be most excited considering the news of my arrival was delayed. I'll catch up with you."

Alice started to pull us towards the sounds when something caught my arm. I turned around to see Edward holding onto me. He leaned down close so no one else would hear.

"You owe me a dance," he whispered and my heart dropped to my knees.

I started off following Alice and Jasper wondering to myself how life became so confusing. One moment I was so sure of Edward and his affections toward me and the next he had thrown me for a loop. It had become a repetitive cycle for us, and I thought it would never end.

This dance was much different than the one held in Jessica Stanley's honor. It was not formal in the strict sense of the word. There were no waltzes and no dance cards. Instead there was a fiddle playing upbeat and fast. This was the quick paced music that I could not keep up with, but I couldn't resist clapping my hands and tapping my feet along anyway.

Jasper twirled Alice around, spinning her so much that I almost thought I would be dizzy. I saw Edward once on the other side of all the couples. He was talking to his mother but in the crowd of people I lost him.

"Bella," Edward whispered down into my ear as he placed his hand on my back. I jumped startled by him. "You are certainly more jumpy than the last time I saw you," he mused.

"You keep startling me," I said truthfully.

He smiled down at me and I thought I might faint. His expression looked amused and it snapped me out of my trance.

"Are you ready to dance now?" he asked. His hand was still resting on my back.

"No, actually. Not tonight. Sorry," I said sadly feeling disappointed that I was not more confident in my abilities. I would not want to embarrass Edward.

"You really think that is going to stop me," he said looking into my eyes and smirking.

"The music's too fast."

"Not for me it isn't." He grabbed my hand and we started walking toward the other couples.

It turned out I was right about the pace of the music. I had trouble keeping up with Edward and ended up stepping him constantly. He never faltered though. He kept me in his arms and twirled me around as gracefully as he could. His smile never faded either. Even when I was trampling over him, he still grinned widely at me and kept moving.

We continued to dance after that until my feet were very sore. I could not imagine what Edward's felt like after my constant tripping on them. Jessica approached us as Edward escorted me back toward Alice and Jasper.

"Edward, when do I get my dance?"

He laughed lightly. "I'm sorry Jessica. I'm afraid I'm about to retire for the evening but perhaps another time."

"Of course," she said rather tightly through clenched teeth, and she turned to walk away.

I couldn't help but smile. Edward had refused Jessica's invitation to dance. He had said another time, but I knew that Edward was nothing less than a gentleman. Even declining an invitation, he would always be as polite as possible. I was the only girl who danced with him that night, and the thought made my stomach flutter.

It made more sense for Alice and me to ride home with Mrs. Masen in her buggy. Jasper's farm was on the north side of town where we had been all night. Edward had ridden Prince but he chose to ride along side us as we ventured back through town toward my home.

"Edward dear, when should we leave?" asked Mrs. Masen.

Alice and I were exhausted but we both perked up after hearing the start of this conversation. It was obvious Mrs. Masen and Edward had spoken about something earlier in the evening. Then the full force of her words hit me. She had said 'leave'. My heart sank again at the thought of Edward leaving for a second business trip.

"Monday morning. The train leaves at nine," said Edward.

"What do you mean leave?" interrupted Alice.

"It appears that your father is going to be delayed in Chicago for quite some time. This business venture is taking more out of him than he had anticipated," said Mrs. Masen. She continued, "Edward came home today only to escort us all to Chicago."

"Chicago! Oh it's been a whole year," squealed Alice in excitement.

"Your father's going to be very busy Alice. This won't be like most trips. It's likely we will rarely see him." She paused and took in a deep breath. "I'm afraid there may be some public appearances and events, things that I can do to help your father. I'd hate for you to be bored and so I was hoping Bella might be able to accompany us."

That woke me up. I didn't know what to say. Alice was overjoyed.

"Oh Bella! You'll have so much fun. There's so much in Chicago and I'll show you everything and introduce you to everyone."

"Hmm…" was the only sound I could make. I'd never been on any such trip.

"If you'd like Bella, I will stop by and speak to your father tomorrow morning. It would mean so much to us and to Alice if you'd come with us. However, I understand Chicago is far from home and we aren't sure yet exactly how long we'll be staying. You could come home at any time of course if you chose," said Mrs. Masen.

I was excited and nervous. I would never refuse such an invitation.

"I'd be so pleased to join you Mrs. Masen," I said trying to not sound too excited.

Alice squealed again. Edward had remained oddly silent for quite some time. I squinted through the darkness wondering what his reaction to this would be. His head was turned, staring out across the town avoiding eye contact with the rest of us. His face was hidden from my view and I wondered exactly what he could be hiding.


	7. Chicago

Chapter 7. Chicago.

The next morning Mrs. Masen stopped by after breakfast to have a discussion with my father. He was reluctant to allow me to leave on such a long trip, but he knew that he could leave my care entrusted in no two better people than the Masens'.

By Monday morning we were on a train bound for Chicago. I was uncomfortable with the fact that Mrs. Masen had paid for my ticket, and I knew that she would also pay for any other accommodations I'd require. My father had, of course, offered her money on the day she came to ask him if I could go with them. She had politely declined reassuring him that no compensation was needed for me. I was a guest, and she would make sure I was well taken care of.

We rode in a first class private car seat near the front of the train. Alice chattered most of the morning. She was telling about society and Chicago and all the people she would introduce to me. She talked about fashion which also made me uncomfortable. In a city as grand as Chicago and a social circle as popular as the Masens' my worn and simple dresses would surely stand out.

The journey took several days and many different stops as we got further east. Finally, we pulled into the Chicago train station. I was relieved to be done with the long ride across the country. I had expected to see Mr. Masen at the train station waiting for us. I was following behind the others when I noticed we weren't walking toward Mr. Masen. Instead Edward happily greeted another man waiting in front of a motorcar. The man was fairly tall with broad shoulders and had slightly graying hair showing from under his bowler hat.

I had seen motorcars before in Seattle, but there were very few. I had never ridden in one before and the prospect made me giddy with excitement. Glancing around, I noticed several on the streets of Chicago. It was certainly a very modern city. Edward shook the man's hand and Mrs. Masen greeted him with both of hers.

"George!" she exclaimed. "It's so good to see you. It's been a whole year after all."

"Welcome home Elizabeth," the man said smiling. Mrs. Masen was born and raised in Chicago but it took me aback hearing him call it 'home' to her.

"Mary Alice," said the man reaching his arms around Alice in an embrace.

"Uncle George," said Alice smiling.

I stood there as the man released Alice and the four of them began a deep conversation. I shrugged my shoulders down as I watched the reunion. I didn't want to draw any attention to myself as I waited awkwardly for someone to remember my presence.

Mrs. Masen was the first to remember me. "Oh Bella dear! How rude I've just been!" she said as she turned towards me and reached for my arm to pull me forward. "Bella, this is George McCarty. He's a very close friend of the family. He and Edward have been business partners for some time now. This is Bella Swan, George."

He extended his hand toward me and I took it shyly.

"Pleasure to meet you Mr. McCarty," I said offering him a small smile.

"The pleasure is all mine Miss Swan. I've heard so much about you over the years from Alice and Edward."

"All good I hope. Please call me Bella."

"Of course, but only if you call me George, Bella. I'm not much for formalities."

He let out a light chuckle. I'd heard the name McCarty before although I couldn't quite place it yet. This man seemed very personable though, and I already knew I would like him very much.

I had always known the Masens' had an incomprehensible amount of money. Their house in Seattle was much larger and grander than my own in Forks. The house in Forks was also more upscale than any other in the town. Mr. Masen owned other properties scattered across the country. Alice particularly liked visiting the one in Rochester, New York. Before moving to Washington permanently the Masens' resided in Chicago. Therefore this was truly their first family home. I had expected it to be fancy just like the other two that I had seen.

I wasn't disappointed. The two-story home was exquisite just as I had anticipated. George pulled the motor car around to the back of the house and I noticed a smaller building set back from the main house. I assumed they must be servant quarters. On the east side I could see stables and another small building for the motorcar.

When we stopped two young men came scurrying across toward us to unload and carry our bags. They were in a separate motorcar that had followed us from the train station. I stood on the back lawn gaping up at the back of the huge house.

"What do you think?" asked Alice grabbing a hold of my hand next to me.

I turned to look at her but saw Edward instead standing behind her. He was smiling and I suddenly felt very foolish. Here I was standing and staring open mouthed at his home while they all watched me. I had never felt so poor in my life. I could feel my cheeks becoming hot but I didn't have time to dwell on my embarrassment because Alice was pulling me along behind her and toward the side door in no time.

The inside of the house looked much like the other family homes I had seen. The decoration was simple and elegant. All the rooms were larger than they would be in a normal home but nothing about the décor was overdone. Mrs. Masen was a very humble woman and her taste matched her personality perfectly.

Alice showed me around the house and then took me to my bedroom. Mr. and Mrs. Masens' bedroom was on the ground floor. Mine was at the far end of the upstairs hallway. Alice would be next to me and then Edward would stay on the other side of her.

The room was much nicer than anything I had ever been accustomed to before. There was a large bed covered with a fluffy white comforter and dozens of fluffy pillows. I had a dresser for my clothes and a vanity. I was tracing my fingers along the edge of the fine wooden vanity pondering the cost of the item, when a knock startled me and I jumped around. The door had been left open and Edward was standing in the doorway.

"Sorry, I forgot you were so jumpy lately," he said not sounding sorry at all but rather amused instead.

"Come in," I said a little sharply and I turned around to start unpacking some of my things.

"I was wondering if you had plans for the rest of the afternoon?" he asked and I caught my breath, freezing still.

Edward wanted to know what I was doing. _Why?_ I was contemplating this is my head when he interrupted my thought process.

"Bella?" he asked and I looked up to see him standing across from me on the other side of the bed. His look was puzzled.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "None that I know about."

I couldn't look at him. I was blushing profusely and it would only be worse if I looked up.

"Well…" he began, but then he stopped.

I risked a glance at him from under my eyelashes only to see that he was staring at his shoes. His hands were in his pockets and he was kicking his feet back and forth at each other. This was unlike Edward's usual behavior. He was always polished and poised. Then he looked at me.

If I thought that I was red before, this couldn't have compared. Here I was, just outwardly staring at him and now he was staring back. I wanted to look away, but something wouldn't let me.

"Bella," he whispered softly, so softly that I could barely make out that it was my name rolling off his tongue.

My knees were starting to buckle. Why wouldn't he look away? I could feel all my blood rushing to my head, and for a moment I felt like passing out.

A sudden noise distracted us both. "Ahem," the sound of a throat clearing from the doorway. I jumped, as I often do. Edward merely looked away from me and toward the entry. There stood a maid servant for the house. She was an older woman, in her 50's it looked like.

"Edward, I believe your father wants to speak with you in the drawing room. Why don't you run along and I'll help Miss Swan unpack her belongings?" Her voice was sharp and cold. I wasn't exactly sure what she disapproved of, but it was made clear that Edward and I should not be having this kind of moment alone in my bedroom. I didn't want Edward to leave me alone with her, and I wished I could beg him to please stay.

"Of course Mrs. Trent, you're right. I agree that I better not keep my father waiting." With that Edward bowed his head toward me. "Miss Swan," he stated formally, but one corner of his mouth was turned up in a grin hidden to the maid.

I was taken aback by his formal use of my name. With a swift motion and not another glance he had glided out of the room leaving myself and the maid alone.

I hoped that the maid would leave, but she only stepped further into the bedroom. "Here Miss Swan, let me help you get your things," she offered moving toward my bag.

"It's quite alright. I can unpack it all myself," I assured her without trying to sound ungrateful.

I could tell that Mrs. Trent had apparently worked for the Masens' for many years. Edward addressed her formally which showed a great sign of respect. I assumed quickly that she must be in charge of the other house servants, almost a manager of the property in sorts. My face must have given me away because she guessed my contemplations.

"My name is Abigail Trent," she said as she unpacked one of my simple country dresses. "I've worked for the Masen family since I was a young girl. I manage the house and my husband, Marcus, manages the grounds. If you ever need anything, Miss Swan, please do not hesitate to ask me. There are three other maid servants in the house, so I can assure you that anything you ask can be done."

I nodded my thanks. Her voice was more pleasant now as she helped me unpack and put away my things. She began to strike up a conversation.

"That Edward certainly has grown up over the years. I remember the day he was born and now look at him, almost a grown man. He can hardly walk down the street anymore without all the girls swooning left and right over him."

She looked up at me. I could feel her staring, but I looked instead at the stockings I was folding. My cheeks felt hot, and then I heard her chuckle. So she was not mad about the lack of properness from her earlier encounter between Edward and me? Instead, she was amused? Now I felt thoroughly embarrassed. Even the hired servants were laughing at my silly notions and actions when Edward was around. Maybe she had interrupted us so quickly because she could see that I was about ready to faint? My blush was constantly giving away my emotions.

"A fine young man he has become too," she added. I looked at her then and she smiled at me warmly. "Good afternoon Miss Swan. Let me know if I can accommodate you in any way." She turned on her heel to exit the room.

"Thank you Mrs. Trent. Please, do call me Bella won't you?"

"Miss Bella," she said turning around and nodding at me from the doorway.

I breathed a sigh of relief when she was gone and the awkward conversation had ended. I was about to sit down on the bed and rest for a moment when my third visitor made her appearance at the door.

"Bella," Alice shouted. "What's wrong? You're all jumpy, and you look tired," she stated staring at my quizzically from the doorway.

"You people sure don't believe in privacy, do you?" I said perhaps a little coldly.

Alice did not register my tone and continued happily, "Well then you should close your door silly. That's beside the point though right now. I wanted to invite you out, unless you're too tired that is."

"Out? I'd love to see the city Alice, but I would also love to take a nap. I'm not sure if I'm up for an outing right now."

"Oh," said Alice looking down. "That's fine then. I'll go tell Edward you're tired. It was all his idea, this outing." She looked up at me and I couldn't help but give her what she wanted.

"Give me a few minutes to straighten up, is that alright?"

Alice smiled triumphantly. "Of course it is. I'll meet you in the foyer," she said as she bounced back down the hallway and out of sight.

I probably gave myself away to Alice when I agreed to go with her only after I knew Edward was going. I wondered for a moment what Alice would think of Edward and myself? She had never before looked down on me for my lack of wealth and social standing, but would her kindness carry over when it was her brother's heart that was on the line? I convinced myself it didn't matter because there was never a chance for Edward and me to be anything more than friends, if we were even really that.

I looked toward the vanity to find my hair another tangled mop. I ran a brush through it from top to bottom and then retied my white ribbon in a fresh bow to keep it out of my eyes. Then I glanced down at my dress.

It was simple, a light white cotton with a lacy collar and a sash that tied in the back. Well, I thought, I can at least retie the bow. I pulled my white stockings up so they were straight and then let out a sigh. I looked like such a child. Girls in the city didn't wear dresses like this. City girls are sophisticated and lady like. And all this white was washing out my pale complexion. I looked like a porcelain china doll in rags.

"Ready?" asked Alice reappearing at the doorway, happy as usual. "You're taking too long. Hurry."

I glanced at Alice and nearly started to cry seeing her. She looked anything but simple. She was wearing the same silk white shirt and long blue skirt from earlier. She'd topped her head with a gorgeous hat, however. It was a charcoal gray in color with blue feather accents and a white ribbon. She must've seen my expression because she rolled her eyes upward and placed the palm of her hand under the brim.

"Like it?" she asked enthusiastically? "It's bright and sunny outside; you'd better wear your hat too. You brought one, didn't you?" she added with realization finally in her voice.

I nodded and pulled out my small brimmed straw hat with the navy ribbon. It wasn't an old hat, and it always served its good purpose back in Forks, back in the country. I knew Edward was waiting on me so I pulled myself together and reached for my hat pin, carefully setting it on my head and running the pin through from one side to the other.

"Let's go," I said determinately. "I'm ready to see the big city of Chicago."


	8. Bright Lights

Chapter 8. Bright Lights

When Alice and I made our way downstairs, Edward was not waiting for us. We went outside to find him sitting in the front seat of the motorcar, honking the horn and smiling at us with his wide grin.

"How did you pull this off"? Alice asked in amazement. "Do you even know how to drive this thing?"

"Get in," said Edward still smiling.

"Bella, after you," said Alice gesturing with her hand that I should go first.

I held on to the seat as I climbed inside the back of the motorcar. Naturally I tripped forward and ended up landing onto the seat. I watched Alice pick up her long skirt and smoothly glide in to the front seat. I envied her poise and grace.

"Where are we going?" asked Alice nonchalantly. "Any place in particular?"

"Yes, actually," was Edward's reply. "First we have to drop off a package for father. Then I thought we would show Bella a few of the sites, the ball park being the first." He smiled widely and laughed.

"Oh really Edward, how boring!" Alice rolled her eyes and then yawned to demonstrate her distaste for the ball park. She turned to look at me. "Edward's a big fan of the game, Bella. We should have known what we were in for when we allowed a boy to be our tour guide."

I didn't really have anything to say so I smiled sheepishly and nodded. We drove along and I tried not to show my amazement as I took in the city. Everything here was big! The buildings were taller than any I had ever seen before in my life and there were people everywhere, bustling to and fro all along the sidewalks and across the streets.

I never knew so many motorcars existed; it felt like everyone in Chicago was wealthy enough to afford one. Horses and carriages lined the streets as well. There wasn't an inch of free space anywhere I looked.

I caught both Edward and Alice looking at me occasionally. I assumed they were trying to gauge my reaction. They both knew I'd never seen a city like this before. It seemed like ages before Edward pulled the motorcar over to the side of a crowded street and parked it.

We climbed out and Edward reached in his pocket. "Here Alice," he said handing her a bill. "Take Bella to Forrester's across the road there and I'll catch up with you shortly. I'm going to make this delivery."

Alice nodded excitedly and I noticed a small brown package tucked under Edward's arm. I started to follow Alice, but Edward grabbed her arm.

"Stay together," he told her and his voice was serious. She sighed but he looked her in the eyes sternly. "I mean it Alice. And don't let Bella out of your sight. If she got lost we'd never find her." He chuckled a little after the last line letting me know that he was joking, I suppose.

Edward started to walk in one direction while Alice and I strode toward the other. The crowd was overwhelming when trying to walk along the crowded sidewalk. I bumped in to several people trying to keep up with Alice. Her small frame was easily lost in the crowd. I nearly lost her once and so she took hold of my hand and guided me through the crowd.

"It's overwhelming sometimes when you're used to the country." She offered me a warm smile intended to comfort me. In reality, I was embarrassed. That meant that my face was giving away much more information than I wanted it to.

A big green sign hung across the top of the building we were heading toward. The white lettering read "FORRESTER'S DRUG AND SODA SHOPPE". We stepped inside and I was surprised by the amount of space in the drug store. It was much larger than any drug store Seattle had to offer. I couldn't take in much before Alice spoke to me.

"Have a seat Bella. It's crowded. I'll get us a treat and find you in a minute." She let go of my hand and walked toward the front counter.

I found an unoccupied booth near the back closer to the actual drug store and sat down. Observing my surroundings, I saw a mother with two young children sitting at a table next to mine.

The woman was exquisitely poised and by her clothing alone I could tell that she didn't hurt for a penny. One of her children, the girl, wore a dress which resembled my own. It was much newer and the fabric was something fancy, however, the concept was the same. The girl was 10, maybe 12 at the most. I shrunk down low in the booth after coming to this realization.

"Are you hot?" asked Alice confused as she came to sit across from me. I must have been blushing and sweating simultaneously. I shook my head.

She sat down and wrinkled her eyebrows for a minute trying to decide what to make of me. Then she looked around to see what had apparently made me so uncomfortable. Alice let out an over exaggerated sigh and we sat for a few moments more in an awkward silence.

A man appeared then carrying a tray. He placed two sodas on the table and two slices of lemon pound cake. Alice and I drank our sodas and ate our cake continuing the silence.

"So," she said finally. "I was thinking that maybe we could do some shopping this afternoon, if you're not too tired?" She looked up at me and I knew she was waiting for my objections.

"Alright, that sounds just grand," I replied to her sarcastically and we both couldn't contain our laughter.

"I want to throw a party," said Alice reaching across the table and placing her hand over mine. "You'll be able to meet everyone in high Chicago society then," she added enthusiastically. I rolled my eyes and looked away, but apparently she was prepared for this. "It's not very often we get to come back here Bella. I want to see my friends and I want them to meet you too."

"Are you sure they would share your sentiment"? I said a little too coldly and it took her a minute to comprehend.

"Bella, you are my friend and my equal," she said sternly. Then she added, "Besides, I don't think Edward will be fully satisfied until you finally dance with him." She smiled widely then and I was about to protest but Edward walked up.

"Ladies," he said nodding at us. "I hate to be a spoil sport, but we have to get home now."

"But Edward, we were going to sightsee with Bella," Alice protested in a high pitched whine.

"I'm sorry sister. It's something to do with business. I must get home to father immediately and I will not leave my two girls abandoned on the Chicago street." He offered a weak smile after his attempt at humor and I knew something was wrong.

I hadn't really wanted to sightsee anyway. The journey was too long and I was overly tired. I was however concerned for Edward. He didn't seem happy at the soda shop and I wondered why.

I spent the rest of the day in my bedroom. I slept for a couple of hours and then decided to leave and see what the rest of the house was doing. Alice was not in her room. Mr. Masen's office doors were closed and not another soul was in site. I retreated back to my bedroom and tried to read a book.

"Bella?" I looked up and noticed Alice standing at the door. I hadn't even heard the door open and then I realized that I must've dozed off. She waited patiently for my drowsiness to fade and my coherence to return.

"Hello," I yawned out weakly. "What time is it?"

"Almost eight, you've been asleep. I came to wake you earlier, but you were napping so heavily that you didn't respond to just my voice. I know you've been tired and I wanted you to rest. I hope you don't mind me letting you sleep?" She spoke very fast and I knew she was worried I would be upset with her.

"No, of course not. It was very considerate of you." I sat up and pulled me legs close to me.

"We didn't really have a formal dinner anyway. Father and a few of his associates were locked up in his office all afternoon until finally they all left. Mother retired for the evening early. I wasn't hungry at all and I haven't a clue where Edward is."

I wanted to ask more about Edward but I knew she felt guilty for leaving me alone all afternoon and into the night so I reassured her.

"Alice, I was so sleepy earlier. I'm actually very happy that you just let me rest. Besides, you don't have to accommodate your lives around me."

"Thanks Bella," she smiled. "Would you mind terribly if I left you to yourself just for the rest of tonight? I'm starting to get a headache and I feel like lying down."

"Go ahead. I'll be alright, I promise."

Alice left then but I was wide awake. I got up and glanced in the mirror. My face was red from lying on it and my hair was tangled all the way down my back. My dress was wrinkled so I made a poor attempt to smooth it out before starting down stairs.

The house was so quiet my heart skipped a beat as the stairs creaked under my weight. I had no idea where the kitchen was but the grumble in my stomach told me I needed to find it quickly. I tried two doors before I was finally rewarded.

A girl was sitting at a wood block table with her legs stretched out, no doubt resting after a hard day's work. She wasn't much younger than I was, probably 14 or 15. She was very plain looking, but I attributed that to her dull maidservant fashioning. I startled her and she jumped when she saw me.

"Madam," she said rising instantly and nodding her head to acknowledge my presence.

"Hello," I said and tried to smile warmly at her so she could relax. "I was wondering if there might be anything to eat. I slept through dinner."

"We've some bread, butter, and cold cut ham. Would you like me to make you a sandwich?"

"No, thank you. If you'll direct me, I can do it."

She looked relieved and sat back down. It was nice to have servants like the Masen's, but sometimes I felt like taking care of myself.

"Everything you need should be right over there," she said pointing her finger over my left shoulder as she slouched back down. Her attitude had changed considerably since she realized that I was more like her than any of the Masen's.

I started to make my evening snack. "What's your name?"

"Melody."

"It's nice to meet you Melody. I'm Bella."

"A pleasure," was all that she responded.

I turned around to face her and saw that she was staring at me, taking in my raggedy cotton dress and disheveled appearance no doubt. She was certainly not intimidated by my presence any more, not since she was able to really take me in.

I had initially wanted to sit at the table with the girl and try to converse with her. Now her curious stare was making me uncomfortable. I thanked her for her help and quickly exited the kitchen and started toward the formal dining room.

I was sitting alone and daydreaming to myself, pondering my own thoughts. I wanted to know where Edward was and why he'd be absent all afternoon. I also wondered what it was that kept Mr. Masen so distracted. I was wrapped up in my contemplations and didn't hear my intruder sneak up on me.

I jumped and make a squeaking noise as an arm reached out a glass of milk and placed it next to me on the table. Edward's soft laughter made me blush and I looked up to see him standing over me.

"Hello jumper. Tell me what you are thinking about so intently all of the time?" he asked as he pulled up a chair next to mine.

"You mostly," I answered taking a bite and then I nearly choked on my bread. _Why did I just say that?_ My cheeks started to burn so I tried to play it off coolly.

His eyebrows rose in surprise. "Really? You dare to flatter me so much Bella dear?"

"Did it make your night?" I asked back rather pompously.

"Yes," he smiled at me.

Next he really made my heart stop. Edward raised his hand toward my face and I froze. He carefully tucked a piece of hair covering my face back behind my ear and lightly brushed my cheek as he did it.

"Breathe Bella," he whispered and then I realized I was holding my breath. "Are you scared of me? Should I go, perhaps you did not want any company tonight?"

"No, you just surprise me sometimes is all," I tried to stay calm and suave, but I was weakening.

He pushed the glass of milk toward me. "I noticed you didn't have anything to drink, so I thought maybe you'd be thirsty."

"Thank you."

"Now tell me how I surprise you."

I didn't want to play this game with him tonight because I knew I would lose.

"I haven't seen you since early this afternoon. Where have you been off to?"

"You've been shut up in your room all afternoon, so how do you know I've not been here?"

Edward was too witty for me. And I hated to admit it, but he intimidated me when he was so charming, which was always.

"I have my ways of finding things out," I replied back to him and I felt rather proud of myself for sounding so suave.

"You have a spy? Just for me?" he said as he pierced me with his green eyes.

Now I felt utterly stupid. He won, just like always.

"Well, no. I mean…I just heard you were out is all," I sounded puny compared to my earlier confident remarks.

Edward just laughed. I finished my sandwich and took a drink of the milk.

"You never answered my question," I said.

"Business," he replied rather sharply. "Nothing that would interest you."

"Try me."

"Another time maybe," he said just as cold and he stood immediately. I knew that conversation was closed.

I stood up too feeling a little embarrassed but then Edward's hand closed in mine at my side. I looked up surprised but he was staring out the window.

"Come outside with me for a minute, please?" he asked knowing that I would not refuse him.

We exited the dining room and walked hand in hand up the stairs. I was nervous and my body was shaking. I then realized we were standing at Edward's bedroom door and my knees nearly gave out.

"Edward, I…."

He pressed his index finger to his lips and "shushed" me.

"It's alright Sissy."

Sissy. There it was again, always coming back to haunt me. My heart stopped fluttering and rather than being nervous I was only anxious to know what Edward wanted to show me. I'm sure he used the word to calm me only because he knew I was nervous. Still, I wished he would forget that he had ever called me that once. He opened the door, more quietly than he normally would have, and waved for me to enter first.

Edward's bedroom was just like him. There was a huge oak desk, very well organized. And there were books everywhere I looked. There was a large globe on one of the desks and several sheets of music appeared to be laying out across the bed. There were also two glass double doors which he began to walk toward.

"Come here Bella," he said as he turned two brass knobs to open them. "There is only one place in the house where this view can be seen and I want to share it with you."

As I approached the balcony I could see what Edward found so exciting. His window faced away from the front street and the city. He had a view of the grounds, as many acres as could be seen for miles behind the house. The only visible light here was from the sky.

The stars reminded me of home because they were actually visible in the country. However, the overcast sky usually did it's best to prevent them from being seen. I tried not to let my jaw drop but my eyes were wide with wonder and awe as I looked up.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" he asked but when I turned to face him, he was only looking at me. I could feel my cheeks getting warm under his gaze. "The view of the city from the front of the house is quiet marvelous as well. However, these are the bright lights that really comfort me."

"It must be hard to see the stars there, in the front I mean, with so many city lights. These are gorgeous."

I placed my left hand on top of the banister edge and Edward placed his on top of mine. I sucked in my breath rather sharply just then and wiggled from the cold chills his touch just gave me.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"May I ask a favor of you?"

"Anything?" he replied and he looked down at me wonderingly.

"Sissy is such a childish nickname," was all I said.

"I think you know Bella that I haven't thought of you as my sister in some time now."

I didn't know how to respond to him. Of all the things I had expected him to say, this was not one. What was he trying to tell me? Was he trying to tell me something? There were too many unanswered questions but I couldn't find anything sensible to say.

I looked up and he was gazing forward, carefully avoiding making eye contact with me. In one smooth, fluid motion his hand left mine and wrapped instead around my arm, between my shoulder and elbow. He squeezed me and pulled me closer to him and we both continued to gaze in silence at the stars, neither one of us knowing what should be said next.


	9. Birthday

The next couple of weeks passed by like a blur. Every day I spent time with both Alice and Edward, especially Edward. He did take me to see the ball park finally as well as all of the other sites Chicago had to offer. We would go to the soda shop, go for a horseback ride, or simply take a walk through a neighborhood park.

I enjoyed our time together, but since the night on his balcony, we didn't have another minute alone together. There was always a maid or a butler nearby at the house. Mrs. Trent kept a particularly close eye on us. Alice always went with us on outings.

Alice spent most of her time planning for Edward's birthday celebration. I was interested, only because it was Edward, but still party planning is not my forte. I helped her make invitations for a hundred guests whom I never even heard of. I also helped her choose fabrics and table settings.

"Good morning sunshine," said a high pitched, overly cheery voice.

I opened my eyes and then had to close them tightly as Alice opened the drapes, first one side and then the other so that my entire room shone with morning light.

"It's early," I yawned and stretched as I made this statement of fact.

"We've a big day today Bella. I have a dress fitting at 9 o'clock at Perrington's and I want your opinion. Come on now sleepy, hurry and get dressed. I've brought you something." She motioned toward a chair in my room and slipped quietly out the door.

Knowing she wouldn't rest until I appeased her I threw back my blankets and began to fully wake up. Usually Melody, the young maid, woke me up with breakfast. Alice must've beaten her to it this morning. I stood up and walked to the chair. Alice had brought me clothes.

There was a dark blue long skirt and a white, blousy button top. The skirt was my own, but the blouse wasn't. It wasn't anything special or out of the ordinary except that the fabrics were of the highest quality. I changed quickly and pulled my hair halfway up, leaving the majority running wildly down my back.

Before I finished Alice came back in for me. She was dressed similar to me, but she already had on her hat and gloves.

"Here," she said handing me my hat pin, trying to speed up my slow movements. "We're walking so we need to leave now. Sorry, but we are rather short on time. Breakfast is even out of the question."

"I'm not hungry."

We left then and made our way downstairs. Mr. Masen was sitting in his office with the door open and Edward was standing behind him. They were both looking down at something on the desk and they both glanced up as we walked past the door.

"Morning father. Edward," said Alice politely but she was in too much of a hurry to stop and chat.

"Morning girls," was the reply from Mr. Masen. He went immediately back to his work and didn't seem fazed at all by our early departure. Edward was not so easily distracted. He dashed out from behind the desk and was out the door right on our heels.

"Alice," he said as he caught up with us quickly. "Bella," he added much more softly as he smiled at me.

"We haven't any time Edward," sighed Alice. "I have a fitting." She kept walking briskly.

"Might you need an escort then? To your destination?" he asked still smiling at me.

"I'm afraid not today, thank you though brother."

My face dropped instantly and so did Edward's. We all stopped walking and turned to look at one another. Alice smiled mischievously.

"I won't keep her long. I promise I'll have Bella home by noon.

She smiled widely then and continued walking. Edward and I both exchanged short glances and even he was beginning to blush. He nodded at me and turned abruptly to return to the house. I ran to catch up with Alice who was still smiling when I could finally see her face.

"It's only a matter of time," she casually remarked.

"Before what?" I asked curiously.

"Before he admits how in love he is with you of course." She turned to look at me, gauge my reaction to her words I supposed.

My face felt hot. "Edward was always like a big brother to me Alice-," I started to go into more detail but she cut me off.

"Was, is the key word."

"No. I'm not right for him. Edward doesn't see me that way."

"He doesn't? You're blind."

I wanted to hope that Alice was right, but I decided to change the subject.

"Have you received any word from Jasper Whitlock as of late?"

My scheme worked and Alice was instantly anxious to turn the conversation.

"The last letter came almost three days ago and I wrote him back just yesterday. He's anxious for our return. His letters are sweet, he's rather good with words and expressing himself," she giggled and I could tell that she was excited to talk about Jasper.

The subject of their courtship occupied the rest of the walk. She couldn't wait to return to Washington and see him. Even more so she couldn't wait for a proper betrothal and marriage. We were at the dress shop in no time it seemed and Mrs. Perrington was waiting for us.

"Alice darling," she said excitedly. "And is this Ms. Swan?" I was startled that she knew my name somehow.

"It is Mrs. Perrington. Please, this is Bella," said Alice smoothly introducing me to the seamstress.

"Pleasure ma'am," I mumbled as I nodded toward her.

Alice changed into her new dress and the two of them began to check the fit. Mrs. Perrington kneeled down and began to pin a few areas of the dress. As she did this I walked around the shop. It was quite upscale. Not everyone could afford to buy a dress like this and these shops were scarce in smaller cities like Chicago.

The fabrics were all imported from Europe and the garments were over the top. There was an undergarment area of the store and I wanted to explore it but was too embarrassed. I could see several slinky silk garments, but I didn't dare explore into them any further. Instead I turned my attention to some of the dresses.

"Bella," said Alice and I looked up from around the dresses. She had changed back into her own wardrobe and I thought it was time to go but Alice didn't move. "See one you fancy?" she asked.

"No," I shook my head quickly. "Their pretty," I added quickly looking at the seamstress because I meant no disrespect, "but I don't really need a new dress."

Alice frowned then and began to pick through several colorful outfits.

"You need a dress for the party," she said nonchalantly and then turned to glare at me before I could object.

Before we left the store Alice had chosen my dress and I had tried it on to get it personally fitted. She paid for both of our gowns before we left and although I was mildly embarrassed, I was also thankful to have such a great friend.

We left the store and started down the sidewalk toward home when someone whistled out loud. Alice stopped walking and balled her hands into fists. She turned abruptly to face the offender.

"Well hello there beautiful," said a rather tall and broad shouldered man. He had dark hair and his face was amused. He wore an army uniform and carried a small suitcase.

Alice gasped in shock when she looked up and saw him.

"Why, Emmett McCarty! Of all the stunts you've ever pulled. You'd better be glad that I like you." She smiled widely at the man and then held out her arms for him.

Emmett laughed and did something rather shocking next. They were obviously friends or else Alice wouldn't have wanted an embrace in public. However, Emmett completely picked Alice up into his arms to squeeze her. He never even set down his suitcase. I thought about his name for a minute. I'd never heard of Emmett before, but McCarty sounded oddly familiar.

"Oh it's been so long Emmett!" cried Alice when he finally put her down. "How long have you been back? You were stationed in Germany, France? I can't even remember. Oh Edward will be so pleased." She was excited and talking so fast that her words were all running together.

"Yes Alice, it has been too long. My train's only just arrived. I haven't even been to see my father yet. I've come from England now, but I've been everywhere in and around Europe it feels like as of late. And yes, I'm excited to see Edward. I didn't even know that you lot were back in Chicago."

The two of them chatted there for a while and I stood still, forgotten until Alice realized this. She was horrified when she glanced across at me.

"Oh how rude of me! Bella, forgiveness please? You should have spoken up. I got wrapped up in the moment." Alice took my hand and held it out to her friend. "Bella, this is Emmett McCarty. Emmett, this is Bella Swan."

"Pleasure to meet you Ms. Bella," said Emmett. He had a friendly disposition and a strong handshake. He seemed genuinely nice.

"Nice to meet you too Mr. McCarty."

"Emmett, please. Just call me Emmett. Alice dear," he said turning back toward her. "I'm afraid I have to get home. My parents will be very eager to see me. Rest assured however, that I'll be calling at the Masen mansion soon."

"Oh of course Emmett dear," said Alice brightly. "Please, Edward's birthday is only days away and we're having a party. You have to come. No excuses."

"Of course I'll be there. Give Edward my regards. I'll see you all soon," he added nodding his head and smiling.

"Emmett has been a family friend for the longest time," said Alice as we continued our walk.

"I noticed," I replied not meaning to sound cold but apparently it did.

"I'm so sorry Bella."

"I promise it's alright. So, Emmett is older than we are I take it. Based on his uniform," I added.

"Yes, a couple of years. His father, you met him when he picked us up from the train station, is an old friend of ours."

I remembered the man that drove us to the Masen's home then. He had seemed very agreeable and I could tell now that they were father and son. I decided to ask a few more questions about Emmett.

"He seems like a nice man. Have you ever been fond of him?"

Alice laughed at me once she caught on to my meaning. "No, Emmett's always been a dear friend, but only a friend."

"Oh, and he's been in the war?"

"Obviously. I hadn't seen him since our last visit to Chicago. He's been gone overseas for a year now I think."

We arrived home then. Melody and Mrs. Turner were outside in the garden. Inside Mr. Masen was locked away in his office and Mrs. Masen was nowhere to be found. Alice received another letter from Jasper and went upstairs to read it and possibly reply. I decided to go for a walk around the grounds.

I went to the back of the house and walked down a stone path across the grounds to the stable and carriage house. Just as I had hoped, Edward was coming out of one of the stalls carrying a black feed bucket.

His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his pale white skin seemed to shine in the morning light. Without even glancing up he spoke to me as began to pour more feed into the bucket.

"Good morning, again."

"Good morning Edward."

"Well," he said stopping to look at me. "Are you going to stand there all day and stare or are you going to come help me?"

I was shocked and I knew if I didn't move quickly I'd start blushing. Edward just laughed at me.

"Have a seat then Bella. I can handle it," he said softly.

"No, I'd like to help actually," I said stepping toward him.

"Alright then. Here," he said handing me the half full black bucket. "Take this to that third stall. That's Magician in there. He's quite tame and gentle. Pour the bucket in his trough."

I took the bucket which was ever than I would have anticipated and did as I was told. Edward grabbed another feed bucket and started to feed another horse.

"Doesn't someone usually do this for you?" I asked as I came out of the stall and waited for Edward to finish.

"Sometimes. Sometimes I like to tend the horses though. It's tedious having servants do everything."

I agreed with him and he came closer to me. He turned the black feed bucket upside down on the dirt and sat down. Then he motioned for me to do the same.

"Don't worry. You won't dirty your skirt," he said looking up and smiling at me.

I copied his motions then and sat down. I told him about our earlier encounter with Emmett and he was excited at the thought of seeing his friend again soon. This brought us to an uncomfortable conversation.

"Bella, my birthday is almost here."

"I know," I replied while looking down at the dirt. He sighed before continuing.

"I'm going to tell mother and Alice afterward."

"Good luck," I said softly.

He reached out and wiped the backside of his hand across my cheek. I sucked in my breath and looked up at him. The thought of Edward in a war made me weak inside and tears threatened to spill over onto my cheeks. He could tell that I was on the verge of being upset. Edward needed to be able to confide in me, but I couldn't do that for him, not when it hurt me so much to think about him being in danger.

"I'm sorry," he barely whispered.

I couldn't think of anything to say, but I felt terrible for my behavior. I wanted to be stronger than this for Edward. I mumbled that I was sorry and half ran back to the house. He didn't try to stop me or call after me and we didn't speak at all the next two days.

Finally the moment Alice had been waiting for had arrived. It was time for Edward's birthday party. I used almost all of the money I had with me to buy his present, a journal. I knew Edward liked to write and I hoped that he would like it. It was simple and plain, like me.

Alice fixed my hair for the party. She pulled it up in an elaborate bun. The dress she bought for me was finer than anything I could ever have imagined owning before. It was dark blue and barely covered my shoulders. It was long and the corset and hem were covered with black lace. It was very grown up looking and lady like.

The guest list for the party included around a hundred and I only knew the Masen's and Emmett. I kept to myself mostly as everyone else gathered to talk or danced on the open floor. I greeted Emmett, but he began sharing war stories with a group of friends and I had to walk away. Alice was busy hosting to all of her Chicago acquaintances.

I met a few new people, mostly business associates of Mr. Masen and some childhood friends of Edward and Alice. A couple of gentlemen even asked me to dance but I politely declined. The party was full of people and refreshments and music. It was all very lively and my mood was anything but so I decided to sneak out. I was sure no one would notice.

I walked out onto the veranda and saw that I wasn't alone. Standing in front of me was Edward. He turned around when he heard me coming.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I just wanted some fresh air," I said and I turned to go.

"Please Bella, don't go."

"Why aren't you inside entertaining your guests," I asked as I walked toward him.

"I suppose I'll return sometime. Bella," he began but he didn't finish. Instead he reached out his hand to mine. "May I?"

He was asking me to dance. Very faintly we could hear the orchestra playing inside. I took his hand and let him lead me. We danced quietly at first and then he began to speak. He tried to apologize to me for the conversation in the stable but I wouldn't have it. I was the one who had let him down.

The music was still playing but Edward stopped dancing. He took his right hand and pressed it against my cheek.

"Bella, there's so many things I want to say to you," he said and his voice seemed weak.

I was starting to shake under his touch but he didn't move his hand.

"Such as?" I asked softly, trying to not let my voice break.

"May I?" he asked again and I knew he wanted something other than another dance.

I was scared to answer so I nodded. Slowly then, he tilted his head to the side and began to lower his face to mine. My knees started to buckle. Was he really bringing his face close to mine? I had to close my eyes for fear I would pass out if I kept watching him. I'd hoped for this moment for so long but never imagined that it was probable. I had too many thoughts racing through my mind and before I knew it I felt Edward's lips touch mine.

His lips were cool and soft and they didn't linger on mine for longer than two seconds. His right hand was still on my cheek and his left was wrapped around my waist. He slowly moved his face back from mine and I opened my eyes to see him staring at me, his own eyes wide with shock yet a smile formed on his mouth.

"Edward," I said and sighed perfectly content.

**A/N:**

**Thank you to everybody who has read and reviewed the story. I love to hear your feedback! I hope you enjoyed the first kiss. I was worried at first that I might be rushing it a bit, but the party scene continues in the next chapter so then we'll get to see both of their reactions.**

**I am really trying to stay true to the characteristics of the actual characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I promise the pace is about to pick up in the story as well. I really wanted to develop Bella's character in the first few chapters before just rushing into her relationship with Edward. **

**Well, Edward's 18 now so you know what that means. However, there's still the Spanish influenza to tackle. See, the action is about to pick up! Anywho…it'll be after the holidays when I start on chapter 10 but I'll have it posted ASAP. R&R please…I'd love any suggestions and feedback. You guys are great and I'm glad so many of you are already enjoying the story! **


	10. Confession

Chapter 10 Confession

I wanted to stay here with Edward. The moonlight was shining down on us and the music was playing again inside making our current scene all too romantic. Just as I was beginning to become comfortable, Edward's hands were no longer holding onto me.

"Bella, I…" he began to speak and then stopped. Something was unsettling Edward. Did he regret the kiss? "I'm sorry," he finally muttered and he stared deep into my own eyes.

"Oh," I said feeling ashamed of myself. "You didn't want to?" I asked half heartedly, scared of the reply.

"No Bella," he reassured me quickly and I was able to look up at him again. "It was very ungentlemanly of me is all I meant. I cannot have you thinking poorly of my manners."

"I wanted you to. How could I think poorly of that?" I asked and then immediately felt weak at my knees. Had I just confessed my long time crush to Edward?

His right arm started to twitch at his side. I leaned forward a bit hoping that he would reach out for me again. My thoughts were interrupted by a loud call from behind French doors.

"Edward," the female voice called loudly. "Edward."

Edward grabbed the tops of my shoulders then and I nearly fainted from the feeling of the skin on skin contact. The veranda was lined with tall plants and shrubs. He roughly pushed me behind one and then pressed his index finger to his lips, shushing me.

Mrs. Masen stepped out onto the veranda then and caught sight of him.

"Oh Edward! Finally! I've been searching for you for the longest time dear. Is something the matter?"

Edward stepped away from me and towards his mother.

"It was so crowded. I needed the air and to clear my head."

"I see. Come along then son. It's time for cake."

I could hear their footsteps as they left me. I felt alone now on the veranda and it wasn't romantic like before. I reminded myself that Edward wanted to protect my reputation and so he hid me from view. We weren't engaged in a courtship or betrothal and it might raise suspicions for us to be so close in such a dimly lit surrounding.

Edward, the perfect gentleman. Sometimes I wished he was not so perfect, for my first kiss was much shorter than I would have liked it. I sighed then and began to recount what had happened. Edward had kissed me! He wanted to kiss me, he had said so. My stomach fluttered up toward the sky and with a smile on my lips I started back toward the party.

Edward and I didn't have any more alone time that night but I know I caught him looking at me more than once across the room.

"Tell me," said Alice coercively as we ascended the staircase side by side.

"Tell you what?" I asked innocently.

"Tell me what you and Edward were discussing so privately on the veranda," she finished with a soft giggle. I didn't respond immediately so she continued. "I noticed when mother was searching for Edward that you were missing too. Then I saw you come in from the veranda moments after Edward and mother."

We stopped walking at the top of the stairs and she looked at me, trying to hide a smile. Edward's bedroom door opened and startled us both. He stepped out his room, still in his trousers but with his white shirt sleeves rolled up. He stopped awkwardly when he saw us.

"Oh, hello," said Edward running his hand through his hair and glancing between myself, Alice, and the floor.

"Hello," Alice giggled while I looked down. "Bella was just telling me what a wonderful evening she had. Apparently it was a beautiful night out."

Alice laughed and the awkward tension between the three of us increased with her words. I glanced at Edward to see him blushing but suddenly he stood up straight and looked at Alice.

"You're right," he said decisively. "It was beautiful." He smiled wide and then turned to retreat to his bedroom.

"That was interesting," said Alice still smiling. "Now you really have to talk."

She grabbed my hand and rushed me in to her room begging me for details all the while.

I had my nightgown on and was ready for bed when there was a commotion from downstairs. I opened the door and could hear raised voices coming from downstairs. I knew it was none of my business, but curiosity got the best of me. Slowly, I crept out onto the landing and peered downstairs.

A light was on in Mr. Masen's study and the voices were coming from within.

"Bella?" asked Alice from behind me. She seemed disoriented as if she'd already been asleep and was woken up by the shouting.

"I'm here," I said reaching out to take her hand and drawing her close to me.

"What is it? Who is it?"

"No idea. I only just came out here but they're in your father's office."

"Come on," she said and she started to tread lightly down the staircase.

I followed her carefully, not wanting to make any noise. The voices were louder as we approached the bottom of the stairs. Alice didn't step around the banister. Instead she sat down on the bottom step and I sat next to her. The voices could be made out now.

"Do you know how lucky you are? Do you?" shouted Mr. Masen.

"Yes, and I said I was grateful for the opportunity but," said a frustrated Edward.

"Grateful? This is grateful?" asked Mr. Masen shouting again.

"You don't understand. You're not listening," Edward said and his voice was beginning to get louder.

"No," said Mrs. Masen loudly and it sounded like she had held her tongue for too long. "No more shouting Edward. This is his decision. His decision and he is choosing the way he was taught. We've never discouraged either of our children from fulfilling their lives." Mrs. Masen seemed to be the voice of reason between the men because hers was the last voice that spoke for some time.

Mr. Masen spoke after a long silence. "She's right," he said much quieter than he had been speaking earlier. "It's your choice Edward, and if Europe is calling to you…" he stopped then, choking on his words.

No one else spoke but heavy sobs were pouring from the room. Both Mr. and Mrs. Masen seemed to be crying now, maybe even Edward too. When they started to speak again their voices were too quiet to make out. I could hear the sounds, but no words.

I turned to look at Alice next to me. Her head was down and her knees were folded toward her chest. She looked up at me and silent tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"Europe," she said to me. "I suppose in times like these he doesn't mean he wants to take a tour of the countries." She smiled a little but there was no humor behind it.

I reached my arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry Alice," I whispered to her.

"You already knew didn't you," she said accusingly.

"I, Edward mentioned it to me before," I said cautiously not knowing how she would take this.

Alice shook her head knowingly. "And you kept it from me, as you should have since Edward asked you to I'm sure."

"Alice," I whispered but I really had nothing else to say.

"It's alright. I'm hurt is all," she said with a quaking voice. Quietly, Alice rose and slinked back up the staircase. I heard her door close and I felt sorry that I couldn't comfort her. I had to keep Edward's secret, I had promised. Still, my best friend now felt hurt and betrayed by us both.

I sat there for a while, thinking about all the repercussions of Edward's decision. I must've gotten lost in my own thoughts because shortly after I was thrown back into the stair behind me. I let out a shriek but was silenced by an icy hand over my mouth.

Edward was lying across me rather inappropriately with one arm gripping the stair next to me. I could feel part of his body weight on the side that wasn't supported by his arm.

"Shush now Bella," he commanded and he moved his hand while also lifting himself up.

"Edward? Is everything alright," called Mr. Masen from somewhere down the hall.

The lights were out and I realized that I must have actually fallen asleep sitting there on the staircase. I wondered how much time had passed. Edward and his father had resolved their differences I assumed or at least come to an understanding since they had dispersed.

"I tripped father," called Edward as he reached down for my hand.

He pulled me up too fast and I nearly knocked him over as I rose. Edward smiled at me and started to pull me up the stairs. When we reached the landing he walked us to his bedroom and slowly opened the door. My heart started to race. It had been a while since I'd been invited into his room and now here I was in my nightgown about to cross the threshold again.

"Eavesdropping much?" Edward asked turning away from me and I couldn't tell if there was any anger in his tone or not.

"No. Well, yes. Sort of. In a way I suppose," I said stuttering.

Edward opened his armoire and pulled out a quilt which he handed to me. His face didn't give anything away.

"Here," he said. "You might want to cover up."

I unfolded the soft quilt and threw it around my shoulders. He gestured toward the bed offering me a seat. Without thinking I climbed in to center.

Only afterwards did it strike me that I was sitting on Edward's bed and my stomach began to lurch. Edward folded himself down on the floor. He was still dressed.

"I guess you already know how that went over," he said finally.

"I heard a few things. It seems like it's been resolved now though," I mumbled quietly. I was embarrassed at being caught on the staircase.

"As resolved as it can be at the present time."

"Alice isn't very happy with either of us. I suppose my face gave me away, as usual. She knows that I already knew and kept it from her."

"Ah. Yes, that would be disappointing wouldn't it?" he said and I felt like he was avoiding something. "I'm sorry, by the way, for waking you and for running into you on the stairs as well."

I couldn't help but giggle a little then. "I'm sorry for being in your way on the stairs."

"Always my clumsy Sissy," he said smiling a little but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I thought that, especially after tonight, you weren't to call me that anymore," I said looking down. I couldn't stand to look at him knowing that I was blushing.

"You're right. I promised. My clumsy Bella."

The way he said my name shot chills up my spine. I shuddered under the quilt and when I looked up he was standing in front of me. There was an unexplainable energy in the room. I suddenly felt very comfortable, yet uncomfortable at the same time.

"Come here Bella," he said and my name was so soft as it rolled off his tongue.

I struggled to stand up but somehow managed it, leaving the quilt ruffled up on his bedspread.

"Please, tell me if it isn't alright. I mean, it's highly inappropriate given our circumstances but," Edward said and then he stopped. He was trying to tell me something, but he was embarrassed to say whatever it was.

"Yes?" I asked stepping closer to him and the energy felt stronger than before.

"May I kiss you again?" asked Edward and he breathed out a sigh of relief after the question left his lips.

Ah, Edward. He was such a gentleman. The thought of another kiss made my heart flutter and my knees weak so I decided it might be best if I didn't speak. I nodded my head and anticipated another peck on my lips. This was not a kiss like the one earlier had been.

He raised his left arm and his fingertips lightly grazed up my arm along to my elbow. His hands were still cold as they had been earlier. I fought back the urge to shiver but I could feel the hair on my arms standing up.

He moved his hand and snaked it around my waist pulling me closer to him. I hadn't expected such a daring move from Edward and I let out a small gasp as he did it. His right hand touched my temple lightly and then continued back, running his fingers through my hair.

I closed my eyes and waited. Soon enough his lips softly and lightly touched against mine. This time I couldn't stay still though. I immediately pushed back against him with my lips, kissing him back. I raised my arm instinctively and touched the side of his face. It was much longer than the first kiss and much more forceful.

I would have gladly stayed in that position for some time but Edward didn't allow it. He broke the kiss all too soon for my liking and stepped back.

"That helped," he muttered softly.

"Helped what?" I asked quizzically.

"It helped make my birthday complete, especially after all that's happened the last few hours."

"I'm sure," I said sighing in disbelief.

"Honestly Bella," he said seriously. "I've waiting too long to do that."

"Why me and why now?" It didn't make sense that Edward should choose me and the timing was very surprising to me.

"I suppose it felt right. If I must be honest Bella, I haven't thought of you in a very sisterly manner for some time. On the contrary, I've hoped…" he stopped short of finishing his sentence.

"You've hoped?" I tried to prompt him.

He shook his head and reached out, taking my hand in his.

"Not now," he said. "You had better get to bed. The servants will be up shortly preparing for the day and you mustn't be seen in here, in your nightgown," he added humorously.

I couldn't imagine that so much time had passed already, but he was right. I slept quietly out of his room and snuck into my own. I was tired and so much had happened the previous day. Almost as soon as I had tucked myself in and closed my eyes, Mrs. Trent was opening my curtains, welcoming me to a new day. At least if felt like I had just closed my eyes.


	11. Whole

Chapter 11. Whole.

After my late night eavesdropping on Edward and his parents and then my even later night spent in Edward's bedroom, I was exhausted the entire next day. I dressed lazily in a short cotton dress, appropriate for Forks but not the city of Chicago, and dragged my feet downstairs.

Mrs. Masen was pinning her hat on in front of the hall mirror. She greeted me, grabbed a wicker basket from the hall table, and was swiftly out the front door. I could tell that last night's surprise argument was weighing heavily on her mind. She may never accept Edward's decision.

Mr. Masen's office door was closed. I wanted to see Edward but hadn't a clue where he was. I also owed Alice another apology, but I was less enthusiastic about that. I hated hurting my best friend's feelings. I wasn't able to find a soul so I decided that if anyone needed me, they could search for me instead.

I opened up the library doors hoping I could hide there with a good book. Alice was sitting at a small desk in the corner writing. She jumped and looked up when I opened the door.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said nervously. "I didn't mean to intrude." I started to back out of the room.

"No Bella, wait," she called out stopping me.

I stepped forward.

"Alice," I began, "I know you must think terribly of me right now but-"

Alice cut me off with a wave of her hand and smiled at me.

"I understand why you kept a promise Bella. There's no fault in this for anyone."

She was unusually happy and I was cautious of her chipper mood. I wondered what she was going to be planning now. She started writing again, very fast.

"Are you alright?" I asked and she looked up from her writing again to nod at me.

"We're leaving," she said standing up and gathering her papers. "In three days time we're going back to Forks. I know its short notice, but apparently something happened at the company and father needs to attend to it himself."

"Oh," I said giving her a return smile because I didn't know what else to say. I had enjoyed my time in Chicago but it would be nice to return home also. I was sure my father missed me greatly and I missed him also.

"Whatever happened, it was serious because my father was highly distressed over it early this morning. I know that isn't anything to celebrate and I hope it will all be alright, but I can't hide my excitement at returning to Washington."

"You love Chicago. You love it anytime you're able to leave to the city," I said. I knew why she was so anxious to return home, but I wanted to hear her say it just the same.

"I know," said Alice looking down and blushing. "However, Mr. Whitlock isn't in Chicago or any other city."

She refused to look up at me so I ran to her and grabbed both her hands in mine.

"I am very, very happy for you Alice. Jasper is a wonderful man."

"I know," she said finally looking up at me and we both began to have a fit of laughter together.

"Something amusing in here?" asked Edward and we both turned to see him at the doorway.

Immediately my knees buckled and my body became rigid. Alice noticed then and shoved me with her elbow. She was trying to stifle a laugh.

"Well," she said as she sighed. "I have a telegram that needs sending." She skipped to the doorway bumping into Edward as she went, and turning to wink at me before dashing down the hall.

"She's happy," Edward remarked. "May I?" he asked and I nodded. He sat down fluidly in a large armchair and I did too. "I'm sorry again about the argument last night. You shouldn't have had to listen to that."

We were facing one another and my heart was racing. I still couldn't believe how intimate he and I had gotten recently. The thought of it sent chills up my spine.

"So have you decided what you're going to do?" I asked.

"Decided about what?" Edward asked back.

"You know, school and the war," I said, my voice becoming more of a whisper toward the end. I wasn't sure if he would want to talk with me on the matter, but he was usually receptive to it.

Edward let out a big sigh and I watched mesmerized as his chest heaved in front of me.

"He, my father, wants me to go to school for a year. I don't want to of course, but I'm torn between pleasing myself and pleasing everyone else now. I have reasons to stay and to go."

He looked at me piercingly as he finished the last sentence and my breath hitched in my throat.

"It doesn't sound unreasonable when you think about it. One year of school can't be all that bad. You don't realize how lucky you are Edward."

"And how do you imagine that?" He was intrigued; he hadn't expected that to be my response.

"For starters, you're a boy."

"Obviously."

I glared at him for his smart comment and he chuckled.

"What I mean is you have the opportunity to go to school if you choose. My education ended last fall in the one room schoolhouse in Forks." I exaggerated the word Forks.

Too much education and women didn't mix and I'd always been bitter about it. In that regard I was rather envious of Edward having the opportunity to study further.

"You could always go to teachers college," Edward suggested.

"And you could always become a doctor, a lawyer, a politician, or a business man like your father," I said rather tartly, offended by his comment about teachers college even though I had considered it at one point. I felt like he was mocking me although I know he had no intention of doing so.

"Or a soldier," Edward threw in and I glared at him some more.

The air in the room had changed between us. I was only trying to have a conversation with Edward when I'd asked him his decision. I never meant for us to turn our words against each other, but suddenly we had and I felt bitterness and jealousy creep over me.

"It doesn't matter anyway," I said coldly as I stood up. "You can afford to do nothing for the rest of your life if you chose it."

I don't know why I had thrown the Masen's financial security in Edward's face. I knew I shouldn't have but it was too late now. He rose steadily and looked down on me with a cold, hard face. I felt like a small child cowering under his glare.

"I never knew that mattered so much to you," he said crossly and he turned away from me.

"Edward wait please," I yelled and I reached my hand out to grab his arm. "It doesn't," I said trying to defend myself. "I'm sorry; I never intended to argue with you,"

"I never intended it either," he said sharply back to me and he shook his arm free of my grasp easily. His face softened slightly as he continued, "I have many different factors to consider before I enlist Bella. And you're one of them."

"Why me?"

"Really Bella?" he asked and then laughed sarcastically. "After yesterday I thought my intentions would have been made more clear. Do you not think me to be any more gentlemanly than that? That I would so freely offer my affections and kisses to just any girl?"

"No," I said softly and I shook my head. I wanted him to tell me how he felt. I had wanted it for so long that now this moment seemed so surreal.

"In three days," he continued urgently, "we'll be in Forks. My intentions would be at that time to ask permission from your father to court you properly."

I gasped in a sudden breath of air and let a slight squeak escape my lips. I reached out to grab something, anything to steady me because my knees were weak. Edward graciously reached out his arm and wrapped it around my waist to keep me balanced. He drew me in close to him and stroked my cheek softly.

"Bella," he said piercing me with his green eyes and I could see the plea behind them. "I've waited too long to go to war. It's all I've wanted, but now I want you too."

His hand moved down my neck and rested on the top of my shoulder. He gave me a gentle squeeze and I shivered. My entire body was cold and the chill he'd just given me wouldn't go away.

"Is it enough?" he asked and looked at me urgently.

I could barely breathe, much less think coherently and I hadn't the faintest idea what he was asking me for now.

"Hmm?" I managed to make a sound.

"Is it enough Bella to have me when I return? It's a shameful thing for me to ask you to wait, but would you? Would you wait for me?"

I would wait until the end of time if it meant I could be with Edward. I was trying to find the words to respond when a crash followed by a scream startled us from our bubble.

"Mr. Masen, Mr. Masen!" the voice of the maid was shrieking down the hall and screaming still in between calling out the name.

Edward grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me down the corridor behind him. The library was hidden in the mansion and it felt like an eternity before we were back in the main part of the house. The screams calmed and everything was quiet. I was out of breath when we reached the front of the house and neared Mr. Masen's office. The door was ajar and several of the staff was gathered around. I could hear Mrs. Trent directing orders.

Edward let go of me and pushed his way inside. I stood back by the door frame, trying to glimpse what had caused such a stir. I was denied my view and waited patiently.

"Edward," said Mrs. Trent.

"What happened?" he asked worriedly.

"She was bringing in his morning coffee and found him here on the floor. He's not coherent and his temperature is high. He must've passed out, Mr. Edward. As soon as I came on the scene I sent Giles to bring the doctor. That's as far as we've gotten."

I could only assume that the 'he' being mentioned was Mr. Masen. I couldn't tell who the maid was who had found him.

I could hear Edward begin to delegate orders to the staff.

"Help me move him into the parlor. We need to be careful, but he'll be much more comfortable there. Mrs. Trent, I assume my mother's gone to a club meeting or sewing circle. I haven't any idea but we need to find her. She'll be someplace of that nature."

His voice was strained, shaking, and he sounded very scared. The crowd thinned because the staff moved to help carry Mr. Masen to the parlor. I could see him then.

He was lying on the floor with his back to me. I could see that his neck was extremely sweaty. His body was limp and languid. I couldn't see his face and I decided that I didn't want to. I wanted to turn away before he was lifted off the floor.

Edward looked up at me and my heart broke for him. He was fighting to keep himself together, I could tell. He wouldn't break, not in public, but it was a strain. He was worried and frightened.

"Bella, find Alice," he said to me and without another glance I hurried through the front doors and down the steps.

Alice had wanted to send a telegram earlier so I started down the street toward the post office. I only knew where it was because I had been previously with Alice when she couldn't wait for Jasper to receive word from her.

The sun was hot today and it beat down on me mercilessly. I hadn't stopped to grab a hat and I hadn't bothered to tie my hair up this morning either. As I ran between the crowds of people I accumulated many inquisitive glances and condescending stares.

I searched at the post office, but Alice wasn't there. An elder gentleman told me her telegram had been paid for almost half an hour before my arrival. I hadn't any idea where to search for her next, but I continued to walk briskly through the streets. I kept my head up, looking for her and even calling out her name occasionally.

I peered in store windows to see if I could catch a glimpse of her shopping. I looked in our soda fountain, bakery's, and dress stores. My search was hopeless before it began. Alice probably passed me on her way home earlier. If she had, I easily wouldn't have noticed. The streets were crowded as always and there were too many people to single out one individual.

I had failed in my quest to seek out Alice, but I hoped she had made it home. If something had happened to my father, I would have wanted to know immediately. I resolved that she had to have been home already. I didn't know how much time I had wasted searching for her, but it was surely enough for her to be home. I'd been gone almost all afternoon.

I decided to return to the Masen house and started walking. My legs and feet ached from running so much earlier and I slowed my pace down considerably. When I reached the end of the sidewalk, I glanced up at the street sign and looked at the intersecting roads.

Neither of them was familiar to me. I needed to go east, but I couldn't remember where that was.

"Excuse me?" I asked a passerby.

"Yes?" he asked back.

"I'm looking for Milford Rd. Can you direct me?"

"Sorry miss, never heard of it," he answered immediately and kept walking.

Never heard of it? Was I that far away? In my efforts had I strayed so far that now the neighborhood I was in wouldn't recognize the street names I was familiar with? Carriages were lining the street, but I didn't have any money for a fare to take me back. I decided to keep asking for directions.

Finally, another gentleman was able to direct me east. He told me to walk four blocks to Willowby and then turn right, I think. Once I found myself at Willowby I couldn't remember which way the man had directed me to turn so I chose right.

I continued to walk until I felt like my feet might detach from the rest of my body. My stomach ached because I hadn't had a thing to eat all day. The crowd had thinned out and the neighborhood I was in now did not look friendly. I was too scared to ask some of the people I encountered on the street for help. The day getting late and I could see that the sun was beginning to sink down in the sky.

I had been going the wrong way. I turned around and started to walk away from the setting sun. The Masen's had to be worried about me. I'd been gone all afternoon, and now it was almost dusk. They had enough to worry about with Mr. Masen's current condition. They didn't need to worry about me, their lost guest.

As it started to get darker, my heart started to beat faster. I was scared and lost. I knew I was walking in the right direction now and I prayed silently that I could find my way back. There were lights ahead of me. Chicago was beginning to light up for the night and I knew I needed to head toward the lights. On the other side, I would find my destination.

The problem would be reaching the lights. I tried to keep my direction even though I was redirected several times because of dead end streets. When I had gone the wrong way earlier, I had really gotten myself into a fix.

The streets I was on now weren't well lit and the men and women whose paths crossed mine all seemed shady. As I approached a large, two story corner house I could hear music and laughter. The residents were having a party. Curiosity got the better of me as I walked by and I couldn't help but turn my head to look.

There were men and women sitting outside and making racket. There were lights outside and inside and all the windows were open to public viewing. I stopped momentarily as I realized what I had walked up on.

The women were all dressed in nightclothes, if even that much. Every individual I saw was either smoking a cigar or holding what I supposed was a liquor bottle. I looked up into one of the windows and what I saw made my jaw drop.

I could see a woman, bare-naked and in a very compromising condition. I couldn't see her partner, but she seemed to be enjoying herself. The music played and the people danced and laughed and continued in their nightly activities.

I needed to move. I needed to keep walking and get far away from the cat house but I had to stop staring first. Shamefully I kept diverting my attention toward the woman in the top window. I could only imagine how red my face was.

"Hey doll," called a voice from the shadows on the porch.

I jumped slightly and looked toward the voice. I could see a man in a suit, obviously drunk from the slur in his voice, starting to walk down the front steps in my direction. He was waving a liquor bottle in his hand.

"Freddy, where ya goin' baby," called out a woman's voice, but I couldn't see her.

"Hey you," the man said again. "What do you look like? Wanna come make a buck or two?" he asked and laughed.

My feet weren't frozen anymore. I didn't continue walking, but I started to run as fast as my tired legs would carry me.

"Guess not. Your loss baby," he called after me and I didn't stop.

I ran toward the lights and I kept running, going as far east as the streets would let me. Once I slipped and slid across the concrete. I could feel my scraped up hands, but I got up quickly and continued to run. I didn't stop until I knew where I was at. I recognized some of the closed shops around me. There were people on the streets here, all dressed in their best clothing.

They were going to shows and the theater or maybe to have a drink with friends at a restaurant. I recognized this location, but I wasn't very familiar with it. I felt much safer here though and that was my first relief. I stopped and bent over, placing my hands on my knees. I'd torn the hem of my skirt when I fell.

"Bella Swan?" asked a familiar voice and I looked up to see Emmett McCarty standing in front of me. A beautiful blonde woman was hanging on his arm. He had on a tuxedo and her dress fit her impeccably. They were going someplace very formal.

"Mr. McCarty, Emmett. I'm so glad to see you. What I mean is, I'm lost."

He looked at me puzzled and then couldn't help but laugh.

"Bella, this is my girl, Rosalie Hale. Rosalie, Bella Swan. She's a guest of the Masen's."

"Good evening," said the beautiful Rosalie. She smiled flakily at me. She was obviously annoyed.

"Hello," I said to Rosalie. I was embarrassed but thankful to have run into them.

"Now, you said you're lost Bella?" asked Emmett and I shook my head.

"The show starts in 5," Rosalie reminded him and Emmett was stuck with a dilemma.

"Here," he said and he flagged down a passing carriage. He made an exchange with the driver and then opened the door for me. "Bella, everything's taken care of for you. You'll get home safely alright?"

I was more consciously aware then of torn skirt and could only imagine how disheveled my hair was. He must've thought I was crazy but I didn't care at that moment. I wanted to hug him, but thought better of it after taking another look at Rosalie so I just thanked him instead.

Words couldn't express the sweet relief I felt after sitting down in the carriage. The trip was too short to the Masen's home. I stepped lightly out of the carriage and thanked the driver. I let out a sigh, embarrassed that I'd been gone all day and knowing what I would have to face upon returning.

I could hear the trot of hooves behind me, coming toward me.

"Bella?" Edward called out.

I waited until Edward reached me, riding atop one of his horses. He stopped the horse and jumped down. I couldn't imagine what he'd been through all day long.

"I'm so sorry Edward" I said hanging my head down. "I was trying to help, but I got lost."

He shushed me and wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me close to him in a tight embrace and it was the safest I'd felt all night.


	12. Despair

Chapter 12. Despair.

"I was so worried about you," Edward whispered in my hair as he continued to hold me close.

"I was only trying to be useful," I sobbed back into his chest. I was so relieved and so embarrassed at the same time. I couldn't help but to start crying.

He loosened his hold on me then and wiped his finger gently across my cheek, catching a rogue tear.

"No tears," he said forcefully. "You're safe now," he whispered and pulled me close into him once more.

His body trembled next to mine. He was actually shaking. I would never complain about Edward holding me tight, but I would have never expected him to react this way to my afternoon disappearance. He was beside himself and overemotional. I assumed what had happened earlier to his father also played a role in his emotions and my stomach turned with guilt.

His arms snaked down my back as low as he would dare to take them. He reached for both of my hands and then gasped once he had them.

"Your hands!" he said appalled by the feel of them. "You've been bleeding! Bella, what on earth happened?"

"I was running and I fell. Oh Edward, it was awful." I started to recount the steps I'd taken that day. I didn't hold anything back, not even the part about my stop in front of the cat house which had triggered my sprint and eventual fall.

I was almost finished with my story when someone approached us. I couldn't make out his face in the darkness, but Edward wasn't alarmed.

"Sir, would you like me to take the horse?" he asked.

I then recognized the voice. It was a groundskeeper for the Masen's although I had never personally spoken to him nor did I even know his name.

"No thank you Riley. Bella and I will take care of her. Please inform the household that Ms. Swan has been safely returned unharmed. We'll meet them in the study shortly. Ms. Swan will want to clean up before seeing anyone. And she'll need food as well please."

"Yes sir," answered Riley before turning away.

The dusk had turned to night and the only light I could now see by came from the streetlamps. Edward grabbed my hand and then the reins with his free hand and began to escort me to the back of the property. We walked silently toward the stable, both concentrating on our destination with little light.

When we reached the stable Edward left me for a few minutes and returned with a lantern, illuminating the entire structure. He led the mare into one of the open stalls and began taking off her saddle and blanket.

"I didn't mean to cause so much trouble," I told him truthfully.

"I know dearest, but the important thing is that you're home now, almost completely unscathed," he said nodding towards my hands. My heart was leaping at the joy of being called dearest.

"How is Mr. Masen?" I asked timidly.

"Quite ill it appears. The doctor wants him taken to the hospital in the morning. He has a strong fever, but the doctor's hopeful it'll break if father has the proper care."

"I'm sorry."

"Please don't apologize anymore Bella," said Edward.

He slipped the bridle off of the mare and hung it up. I stepped forward and began to pet the horse just under her jaw. She was a red sorrel and her color was very striking, like a new penny.

"What's her name," I asked Edward.

"Nuisance if you ask me. Jezebel if you ask my father or any of the staff who tend to her," said Edward with a laugh.

"Why's that?"

"She rides smooth and she's a fine specimen. She's too contrary for my liking, but my father loves her. She wasn't much help to me today. We couldn't find you anywhere. However, I was looking closer to the outskirts, the countryside. I'd no idea you actually went further in to the city."

I wanted to tell him I was sorry again but I knew it wasn't necessary. Not wanting to prolong the silence continued to talk.

"I owe Emmett very sincere thanks for helping you tonight. You mentioned earlier that you met his girl, Rosalie. What did you think?"

"I think Emmett's too good for her," I blurted out without thinking and then I silently cursed my words.

I didn't know how Edward felt about the girl. What if she was a friend whom I had just insulted? He laughed though.

"She can come across that way, yes. She isn't so bad once you get to know her. She and Emmett have been steady for almost a year now. I met her last summer when I was here, just before he asked her father's permission for her hand."

"She certainly is beautiful though," I said shyly.

Obviously Edward knew how pretty she was and I couldn't help but to feel jealous.

"She is pretty," he remarked while looking ahead at Jezebel. "But she isn't the most beautiful," he said before turning his eyes to me.

He studied me for a minute. His eyes raked over my body, lingering in certain places making me feel uncomfortable and flattered at the same time. I don't think he realized that he was staring at me; because once he looked at my face again he became flushed.

"Come on," he said. "I'll escort you in through the back entrance and you can change. I'm sure that Alice and my mother are waiting for us."

Once inside Edward showed me the back staircase. It was less grand than the one near the entryway. Just around a corner from the butler's pantry were the narrow steps and he followed me closely up them.

My corset had knotted and I couldn't get it off. I needed help so I stuck my head out the door where Edward was waiting for me.

"I need help," I told him.

"I'll get a maid," he said but I reached for his arm and looked up at him from beneath my lashes.

"Please just help me."

He wanted too. The look I'd just given him was making him come undone and I could tell he was deliberating between what he wanted and what a gentleman would do. I felt confident when Edward looked at me like that. He was giving me power over him, something I'd never had before and I began to embrace it. I wanted him to touch me.

After telling me that he couldn't, and leaving me to find a maid I decided that I enjoyed being in control. I would have expected to be embarrassed some more or upset, but instead I was angry at him. If he cared for me the way he said he did, then gentleman be damned. I wondered how much Edward would be willing to bend.

Mrs. Trent helped me change and I purposely walked past Edward, refusing his arm, as I made my way down the grand staircase. He'd hurt my pride but I could see why he did it. My feelings were conflicted between right and wrong when it came to him. I knew what was right and proper, but the way Edward made me feel when he stepped in a room made my 'proper' disappear.

I couldn't help but to remember the girl in the window at the cat house. I'd only seen glimpses of her, but her face stood out to me the most. The expression she wore was one of pure joy and it made me tingle inside to think about experiencing such bliss with Edward.

Alice and Mrs. Masen were both sewing when I arrived. They both gave me a hug, expressing their pleasure upon my return. I recounted my story for them and steadily devoured a plate of cold beef and greens in between words, just as I had done Edward, but I didn't mention the cat house. Edward didn't say anything. He was staring out of the front window, gazing up at the stars dreamily.

Mrs. Masen told me once again how glad she was that I had returned safely and then took her leave. Every so often we could hear Mr. Masen coughing from the master bedroom, and she had gone to check on him. She wanted to be with her husband and I didn't blame her.

Edward excused himself shortly after that. Alice, of course, could sense the tension between us and pushed for details.

"He told me he wants to court me," I admitted to her.

She immediately threw her hands over her mouth to sustain her giggle.

"I knew it!" she said.

It made me happy that Alice approved of Edward and me. I shuddered to think about the battle that would ensue if she hadn't.

"What's the matter? Don't you love him back?" she asked concerned by my lack of expression.

"What about the war?" I asked and then my eyes started to water.

I couldn't imagine losing Edward that way and thinking about it physically hurt me. Alice's expression dropped as well.

"Maybe," she began, "I don't know Bella. It'll all work out. I know it will." She offered me a weak smile and then gave herself a little jump as if she'd just remembered something important. "Something special is happening tomorrow. We're having dinner," she said matter-of-factly.

"Don't we do that every day?" I asked confused and she giggled.

"This lunch is special. We've been invited to dine at the Denali household tomorrow evening. Normally Mother would decline because of Father's ill condition, but in this case we had to make an exception. One does not simply refuse to dine with the Denali's."

Alice was excited about this dinner, but it meant nothing special to me. I'd never heard the name Denali before so I only nodded and then she continued her story.

"Mr. Denali was a very important man in the logging business. He and my father worked closely together for years in Seattle. He had estates and businesses in many different cities, much like my father. His wife, Sasha Denali, preferred to make the family's permanent residence in Chicago. Mr. Denali passed away almost two years ago now."

"Who runs his company now?" I asked.

"Denali's son in law, Garrett Apiche runs the company, but Sasha still holds control. Not a move is made where she isn't consulted. My parents are dear friends of Sasha Denali. In fact, my father has been working on new plans with her for some time now. That's why he's been in Chicago for so long this summer."

"Is that why it's so important to not stand up the invitation? For the business?" I asked. I still couldn't see why Alice was so excited.

"Well, yes, partly it is. Of course it's for the business, but like I said, the Denali's have always been very close to my family. There are four daughters, Katarina who is Garrett's wife. The others are Irina, Tanya, and Vasilii."

"Are they all from Russia?" I asked recognizing the origin of the names.

"They're immigrants, yes. The girls were born in New York though. That's where Mr. Denali made his fortune before moving west. Now, you won't like this next part."

I sighed and slouched down, waiting for her to continue.

"I placed an order today from the dress shop and it'll arrive in the morning," she said slowly, cautiously.

I opened my mouth to object, as she knew I would, but she silenced me before I could speak.

"Please don't be offended Bella. You know me and you know I love you, but you must do this. It's very important that my parents keep excellent relations with Irina and Garrett. We have to all be polished up."

Alice didn't want to hurt my feelings. She was trying her best and I could see that it hurt her to say that. She felt like she was talking down to me, but she considered me an equal. For the remorse in her voice I could never wrong her so I agreed wholeheartedly to allow her to purchase a gown for me.

The next day Mr. Masen was actually doing much better, or at least he pretended he was. He was dressed and waiting for a car when I came down the stairs. He was going to the hospital to continue his recovery, but he was a fighter no doubt. Mrs. Masen and Edward accompanied him and didn't return until late in the afternoon.

I was already upstairs allowing Alice to dress me by the time Edward came home. He knocked on the door only to check on me. After Alice assured him that I was with her, he left us alone. Alice and I both had beautiful gowns for the occasion, very upscale for a simple dinner party to me. Then again, I was an outsider to this world and everything was upscale in my opinion.

My gown was dark green and barely covered my shoulders. It fit tight across the bodice and accentuated my small frame. Alice had tried to suffocate me tightening my corset earlier. Alice wrapped my hair so that it produced beautiful curls and she only pulled half of it back, leaving the rest to cascade across my back. Mrs. Trent announced to us that the car was in front and waiting for us.

The Denali home wasn't too far from the Masen's. The neighborhood was obviously very wealthy, and the house itself seemed to stand alone above the others around it. I'd always thought the Masen's lived in mansions, but this was a true mansion.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by Sasha Denali, her son in law Garrett, and her daughter Katarina. They were both very beautiful. I had expected them to have dark features because of their Slavic ancestry, but the Denali's had a very light complexion. Edward escorted his mother and Alice flanked his other side. I kept behind them, feeling out of place and letting shyness creep over me.

Katarina was excited to Alice. The two embraced warmly and then Katarina even hugged Edward. Alice was right; they were obviously very close family friends. Sasha Denali was surprised when Mrs. Masen introduced me to her. She hadn't expected the Masen's to have a tag-along. I was introduced as a guest of the family and Alice's closest friend. She seemed pleased by my appearance after studying me for a moment and then greeted me properly.

Two other daughters, Vasilii and Irina greeted us next. Irina didn't seem to mind that I accompanied the Masen's. In fact, she overlooked me. Vasilii on the other hand was just a young girl, probably 10 or so. She was very charming and I easily took to her.

There were two other guests at the dinner party, Eleazar and Carmen. I learned their names after they were reunited with the Masen's, but formal introductions didn't seem necessarily so I didn't catch their surname. Eleazar was American, but Carmen had a thick Spanish accent. I know she greeted me excitedly, but I couldn't understand exactly what she said to me.

The guests were catching up with one another and talking about old memories. Everyone was anxious to hear how Mr. Masen was fairing and they offered their deepest sympathy for his current condition. We were standing in a large, open foyer and I was gradually backing away from the action.

I didn't belong here. I started to look around the great room, hoping to go unnoticed when I heard the most beautiful of voices ring out from the grand staircase. I turned to see the most beautiful of the Denali sisters, Tanya I assumed, standing tall and confident. Her curly blonde hair was pinned neatly at the sides and cascading down her back. She had piercing blue eyes.

"Edward Masen! Come over here this instant," she yelled out and I was immediately jealous.

"Tanya," said Edward smiling as he crossed the room toward her.

He took both of her hands in his and she lifted herself up to kiss him on the cheek. In public! She smiled at him as if no one else were in the room. I had a hard time believing that she kept anything to the imagination and my stomach turned as I continue to watch Edward hold onto her and smile back.

"Oh Alice!" she cried out as Alice ran to give her a hug. "It's so good to see you all. It's been too long."

"I wasn't sure we'd make it to Chicago at all this summer, but here we are. At least for a little while," said Alice cheerily. "Bella, come here," she said turning toward me.

Tanya turned to face me then. "And who is this?" she asked still smiling.

"Tanya, this is Bella Swan. She's a dear friend of mine, and of Edward's," said Alice and I nodded toward Tanya.

"Pleasure to meet you," I said quietly.

"Likewise. Bella? What an interesting name? Is it short for something?"

"Isabella," I answered her timidly. She was very domineering and intimidating.

"Aha, Italian!" she said smiling. "Very intriguing," she added.

I didn't understand what was so intriguing about it or why she was smiling the way she was. She was standing next to Edward and her fingers were lightly touching his next to her. So that was it. She was a shameless flirt obviously and as most young women did, she also had her eye on my Edward.

My Edward? I liked the way it sounded in my thoughts, but I couldn't quite claim him yet. I needed him to speak to my father first. I also needed to break his gentlemanly defenses. Then the thought occurred to me…would Edward let down his guard for the Tanya woman? They were close, I could tell but I wasn't sure yet how close and it pained me to think about it.

A butler called us into dinner and we were escorted to the dining hall. The room was oversized, as was the table. It was covered in a white table cloth and decorated with silver candlesticks, cutlery, and fruit bowls.

As my luck would have it, I sat towards the end of the table next to Carmen with Vasilii across from me. Irina sat next to her youngest sister alongside Alice. Edward sat between Alice and Tanya, across from me and too many place settings away.

Dinner was delicious, but I was uncomfortable the entire time. Carmen made light conversation with me, but my best friend at the moment was the young Vasilii.

"I like your dress," she said shyly to me.

"Thank you so much. Yours is very pretty too."

She smiled, happy to have a friend. I assumed that she was too often forced to dine with the adults here and almost always an outsider. Now I was an outsider with her. I couldn't reminisce with the others and no one seemed to mind that.

"What do you like to do for fun?" asked Vasilii.

"I love to read," I answered her and she made a face.

"Reading? Reading is boring."

"Not if you like the book. Reading the right book can take you to anyplace you want to go. It's a great way to get forget your real problems when you throw yourself into a storybook."

"I guess I never thought of it that way, but it makes sense. When you were little did you like dolls?"

"I loved dolls. Alice and I used to play with them all the time. My favorite was named Cassandra. She had long blonde hair and bright blue eyes, just like you. I carried her with me everywhere I went."

This pleased her and I was happy to not be ignored. Vasilii was a sweet young girl.

"Mama got me a new doll for my birthday. I turned 11 a month ago. Her name is Samantha. Would you like to meet her after dinner?"

"Of course I would. The pleasure would be all mine."

I heard laughter from across the table and looked to see the other guests laughing and smiling their approval toward me. I hadn't realized we had an audience. Edward smiled at me and I returned it briefly before Tanya spoke.

"How very charming you are dear Bella. My sister seems quite taken with you."

I wanted to speak, and then I saw her hand lower toward the table. It rested lightly on top of Edward's for a moment before he tucked his away under the table. Her hand also slid underneath the table and I couldn't imagine what she was trying to do to him under there.

"Shall we retire to the drawing room?" asked Sasha rising from the table.

As she did so, the men also rose.

"Vasilii dear, it's near bedtime. Beatrice will take you upstairs now. Come guests, please let's go enjoy some more company and maybe even a drink."

I had been right in my assumptions about Vasilii. She was very upset and it was written all over her face.

"If you'd like, I can go with you," I told her and she immediately perked up. "You can introduce me to Samantha."

"My dear, what a kind disposition you have," noted Eleazar. "You wouldn't rather spend the evening with the adults?"

"No thank you," I said and I meant every word of it.

I didn't need to spend any more time watching Tanya try to seduce Edward. I didn't need to spend any more time listening to Alice, Katarina, and Irina giggling about their past friendship. I didn't need to spend any more time listening to the details of the lumber business from the rest of the party.

I was jealous of Tanya. I could tell by watching them that something had happened between her and Edward before. Her light touches were making him feel uncomfortable for a reason and as much as I wanted to know why, I also didn't. I was scared and nervous that this woman could take him away from me. She was so beautiful and her family was extremely wealthy. And this mysterious past she had with him made my stomach turn in knots.

So in my time of despair, I chose to grab the little Vasilii's hand and accompany her to her playroom to meet her new favorite doll. Everything was always so much simpler when we were all children.


	13. Secrets

Chapter 13. Secrets.

After introducing me to all of her dolls, Vasilii was finally ready for bed. A servant, Beatrice, took her away from me to get her ready and tuck her in. I left the playroom and started to explore on my own.

The mansion was very dark inside. Of course it was night out now, but all of the drapes had been closed so even the outside lights were forgotten. The woodwork was all a very dark color and there were many artistic pieces strung about every corner.

Sasha must've been a collector of sorts. She had paintings and sculptures in every spare space. I strolled down the grand staircase and began to look for the others. There were rooms everywhere, and no maids or butlers to help direct me.

I heard voices in what I supposed to be the drawing room and let them guide me. I quietly peeked around the entrance to see Mrs. Masen, Eleazar, Carmen, Garrett, and Sasha engaged in conversation. The others were nowhere to be found so just as quietly as I approached, I backed away from the door.

I continued to walk through the house, trying to be as slow and cautious as I could. I stumbled on the library and was awestruck as I looked at the collection. The volumes housed in this enormous room made the Masen's library look pitiful.

All of the classics, all of my favorites were housed in this room and I was debating on reading when I could hear the door shift. I didn't know what to do so I stood still and silent as two bodies entered the room.

"In here darling," said the first which was female.

"Mmm," replied the second, and I was immediately uncomfortable. I debated trying to hide but I couldn't move.

Irina entered the library with her arms wrapped around a man. He was dressed down and of a dark complexion. He looked like the kind of man that Sasha would not approve of. They were so entwined with one another that they didn't notice me at all.

"Laurent, oh Laurent," moaned Irina into the man's neck as he kissed hers. His hands were roaming across her body in all indecent places. He grabbed her under her bottom and continued to run his hand up her side to graze her breast, before settling it on the other side of her neck.

I didn't know if I should make a noise or try to silently sneak out, but Laurent soon answered the question for me. He looked up and I startled him. He was dipping Irina down under him and he nearly dropped her from the shock.

"What the?" she asked and then let out a small scream as she noticed me too.

The servant Laurent stood still, while Irina smoothed out her dress. She was bright red with embarrassment. I could tell that she didn't know if she should scold me or beg for my secrecy.

"I'm sorry," I managed to whisper. "I was just admiring the novel collection."

"Please?" she asked me with a pained expression and I knew what she meant. "If anyone ever-"

"I promise," I responded back with assurance and then I all but ran from the room.

Laurent had stood still, silently watching our interactions. She didn't need to explain it to me. It was none of my business and quite frankly I didn't really care. All I really knew was that I wanted out of that room and out of this house.

Never in my life had I ever felt so incompetent and so poor compared to the Masen's. Edward and Alice had both abandoned me all evening long. I wished so badly I was in Forks right now, away from everything the city and the east had to offer.

I needed to breathe, to calm down. I snuck into another room off of the main entry. I had no idea what it was, there were too many rooms in this ridiculously oversized house. There was a fireplace, a large wooden desk, and several stuffed animals mounting the walls. I felt like being hidden, like escaping so I seized the opportunity to crawl under the desk.

I pulled my legs up to my knees and hugged them with my arms. I didn't want anyone to find me here. I just needed a minute to collect myself completely alone. Then more luck came my way and the voices I recognized made my stomach lurch.

"Edward where are you running off to now? There's nothing in there," said Tanya seductively. "Unless of course, you are aching for some privacy that badly?"

"Tanya," Edward said and there was a hint of frustration in his voice.

I peered through a crack in the front of the desk. I could barely make them out, but their figures were standing near the fireplace. She reached her arms out and wrapped them around his neck.

"You don't always have to be a gentleman you know?"

"But I do Tanya dear," he replied and he lifted her hands from him. However, they didn't release each other's touch.

"What is she to you?" asked Tanya and her voice was cold, hard.

"Excuse me?" asked Edward.

"The Swan girl. There isn't a move you make that goes unnoticed by her. She watches you like a hawk."

"She's protective I suppose. I've known her all my life."

"Protective of her friend? Protective of an older brother perhaps?" she asked and I knew she was trying to dig for information.

She wanted to know how close we were, the same way that I wanted to know about her and Edward.

"You're determined to push your boundaries aren't you?" Edward asked. He seemed slightly irritated, but he wasn't firm with her.

"I always do," she said and she reached up to wind her fingers in his hair lifting, herself close to him.

She was inching closer and closer towards his face. Why didn't he stop her? Why didn't he push her back? I wanted to scream and I had to cover my mouth with my hand to remind myself that I had to stay quiet. I watched as her lips stopped in front of his. They were so close they could have been touching, but I couldn't see that well. She didn't push forward to kiss him; she wanted him to do it. She pulled back slightly, waiting for his kiss.

Edward sighed deeply and shook his head. She stepped away from him then, obviously confused.

"I'm sorry," he said.

She turned her head to the side and started to massage his shoulders.

"My dear Edward," she said slowly. "Tell me, is it her or is there another?"

"Just Bella," Edward replied and he stepped back, away from her massaging hands.

"Not tonight then," she said smiling at him. She wouldn't give up on him. "Maybe next time," she said still smiling as she turned to walk away.

I was right about the shameless flirting. Apparently knowing she couldn't have him, whether it is because of another woman or just because of his gentlemanly manner, would make her never stop trying.

"It's always just been Bella," said Edward to what he supposed was an empty room.

It made me proud that he'd said that. I was also hurt. I wanted to know more about his previous relations with Tanya. When I should have been excited that he had chosen me, I was distraught over their relationship. I was jealous and hurt. I wanted to know what other secrets I didn't know about Edward Masen there were.

He walked out of my view and I thought he'd left the room. I let out a sob and started to cry. I was absolutely enraged with Edward, and then he was standing in front of me.

I thought he'd left the room, but apparently he hadn't and now he knew I had been eavesdropping on him, again. My heart fell to my stomach and I was more embarrassed now than I ever had been in his presence.

"Bella?" He asked and his expression was hard to read. He seemed confused but he was also in shock.

"What on earth are you doing here? Hiding under a desk? Why?" he asked and his voice was shaky as he spoke.

As embarrassed as I was, he was also. He knew that I'd heard everything that had been spoken between him and Tanya. He knew and he was ashamed for it.

"I wanted to hide is all. It had nothing to do with intruding on your evening." I realized that didn't make sense to him, but it was the truth.

"Hide from what?"

"Everyone and everything." My tears were still pouring down my cheeks.

He held out a hand to help me up, but I simply pulled myself from under the desk on my own. Then I lost all control of my emotions and Edward had to face my wrath.

"I don't understand," he said.

"Well there are several things I don't understand. I don't understand why it was so damn important that I was dragged along to this dinner party when I could have easily just been ignored at home. No one even bothered to tell the hostess that you were bringing me. She was shocked to see that Alice's friend had accompanied you. I don't understand why neither you nor Alice bothered to include me in any conversation you had tonight. I don't understand why my favorite person at the moment is an 11 year old with an impressive doll collection!"

I wanted to continue to complain any way that I could. I should have stopped myself, but I was hurt and I couldn't help but to let Edward know how I felt.

I was raising my voice and Edward quickly shut the doors to the room, isolating us from the rest of the house who might hear me. He wanted to speak now, but I wouldn't let him so I continued.

"I don't understand why I had to watch that woman make passes at you all evening long at dinner and I don't understand your relationship with her. It's obviously something much deeper than a childhood friendship because the way that her touch makes you shudder is much more than just friendly."

He opened his mouth again, stunned but I cut him off.

"Oh, she's right. Nothing goes unnoticed by me. Isn't that what happens when you love someone? And I was lost in this ridiculous house and I was bombarded in the library by the rude sister wanting to have her way with a servant and then all I wanted was to be alone. I wanted to crawl under this desk and pretend I was far away in Forks, far away from you and the way I've been treated tonight. Never have I felt so low class in your presence before. And then this spectacle? Really, what a gentleman you are sneaking off with her. You could've pushed her back. She was going to kiss you and you let her get too close, you let her Edward!"

I stopped to take a deep breath, my first once since I'd lost my temper, and then I crumbled on the floor and began to cry again. My behavior was childish and uncalled for and I didn't care at the moment. I wanted him to know how I felt and I looked up into his face with tears running down my cheeks waiting for his response.

Edward knelt down on the floor next to me and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket. Carefully he started to dab away the tears under my eyes. I needed to stay strong, but it was hard to do under his soft touch. I wanted to crumble in his arms and melt into him. I wanted too, but I wouldn't allow it.

"Do you love me?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered him sharply and too soon.

"Good, because I love you too Bella. You're right about our behaviors. I wasn't nearly adamant enough about keeping you close to me and neither was Alice. I suppose we were carried away by being here at our friend's house. It was rude and unacceptable. To be fair though, I wanted to be near you at dinner and I've been walking around this place for the better part of the last hour hoping to find you."

He looked at me softly and his hand dropped from my face to rest lightly in my lap.

"I want to know about her," I said angrily and I kept my voice steady.

I returned his soft look with a cold stare and Edward dropped his head down. He placed his index finger and thumb on the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply.

"Tanya and her sisters grew up with Alice and me. We were all very close friends. For some time now Tanya has developed feelings for me beyond that of our friendship and she's tried to act on them many times. I have never engaged in anything improper with her. It angers me to think that you would even believe me to be so low. However, I know what things must've looked like to you so I'll forgive you for that."

He would forgive me? Of all the things! He looked up and could see what I was thinking. My opinion of what he'd just said was written all over my face. He smiled slightly and I continued to stare.

"There's more." It wasn't a question, it was a fact.

"Not really," he said too fast.

"What do your parents think of her? Have they ever tried to arrange anything between you two?"

"Bella, I'm an adult. I can engage in courtship with whomsoever I desire," he said as he sat down and crossed his legs next to me.

"That's not what I asked," I said coldly.

"Yes dammit. Yes Bella. They always talked about it, and wished and hoped for it when we were children. Then one day they stopped. I suppose once Tanya and I started to grow up and my parents could see her for the succubus that she is, my mother's opinion began to change. Besides she'll never leave her family and I don't want to live in Chicago. There are all sorts of complications to the idea of marrying Tanya. Do you feel better now," he snapped at me.

"No," I answered truthfully. He was telling me what I wanted to know, but it hurt worse than not knowing.

"She's kissed me before," said Edward and he paused. He looked at me trying to gauge my reaction. "That can't be a surprise after you've seen the way she throws herself at me or at any young gentleman. I dare say I'm not the first or the last person she's ever engaged in kissing with. And she's probably done more than that with others."

"I'm leaving," I stated and I started to rise.

Edward told me exactly what I wanted to know. He hadn't hidden anything from me. He had even told me he loved me. So she had kissed him. I supposed it was only once because he would have told me if they'd had a courtship. He also said it had been some time since his parents had thought about him marrying her. All parents did that. They always pondered and wondered about their children's futures when they were young.

Could I hold this against Edward? I couldn't stay upset with him forever. I wanted him too badly. For now though, I could be upset and I would be. Edward was my first kiss. Thinking back on it, it was silly to think I'd been his first too. He was too handsome and too widely adorned by all the young women.

He stood up with me and wrapped his arms around my waist, but I tried my best to resist him. I knew he wouldn't hold me against my will.

"Bella, please. I've done nothing wrong," he whispered in my ear.

"I want to leave," I told him, but my voice cracked towards the end of the sentence.

"No, let me mend this. Tell me how," he commanded and he kept his grip firm around my waist.

He pulled me closer to him and then pushed me against the wall. His body was pressed next to me, closer than it had ever been before.

"Edward, no," I said weakly. It sounded like I had said anything but "no." He was starting to get to me.

"Bella," he whispered again and then he kissed me forcefully.

His lips were rough against mine and his hands started to roam up and down the sides of my body. This was everything I had wanted from him. His guard was down and his manners were lifting. His lips left mine and started to roam across my jaw from my chin to my ear.

I was panting now. His kisses were heavy, and he started to nuzzle my ear with his mouth and kiss behind it. I wanted him to keep kissing me. The goose bumps on my arms and the tingle between my legs told me I wanted him to do so much more than just kiss me.

To think, all this affection had been brought on by a fight? Then I started to come to my senses and remember. I remembered how I'd come to be in the situation to begin with and I remembered the one name I hated most now: Tanya. I started to push against Edward's chest, and when he realized what I was doing he moved away from me.

I expected him to apologize for his ungentlemanly behavior, but instead he only smiled at me. He knew I wanted to push his boundaries and he was pleased with himself for the close contact. He expected this to be the end of the argument. I realized before that I liked being in control and now I wanted my power back.

The smile faded from his face when he saw my angry expression. He looked confused and worried.

"Bella?" he asked. "I'm sorry; I thought you wanted me to."

"I thought I told you I wanted to leave," I said childishly. It was hard to hide my satisfaction at our recent activity.

"No you don't," he sarcastically. "You're jealous for no reason you know. You're acting like a child Bella."

He was right but I didn't care at the moment.

"On the contrary, I think there's plenty of reason for me to be jealous."

"Ridiculous," he muttered and he grabbed my arm.

I wanted to protest, but we started walking toward the door and then out into the foyer.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Giving you your wish dear. We're leaving," he answered me flatly. "After tonight I hope to never return to the Denali home. Ever," he stressed.

"We can agree there," I said quietly and he rolled his eyes at me.

I was still hurt and angry about my new found knowledge of Edward's past. I brushed out my hair at the vanity and shrugged my shoulders forward, dwelling on the memory of the horrible dinner party. A knock at my bedroom door startled me and I went to answer it.

I didn't bother pulling a robe around my nightgown as I cracked open the door.

"Edward?" I asked surprised.

He was standing close to my door, still dressed and he even had his hat on.

"May I?" he asked and before I could answer he pushed the door back and crossed the threshold into my bedroom.

"You shouldn't be in here," I said excited and appalled at the same time.

"My mother's spending the night at the hospital. She's there now and I'm on my way too. I don't want her to sit up with father all alone." He gulped after he finished his sentence and looked down.

"Oh," I said.

As upset as I was with him, I felt sorrow for the fact that his father was ill. He placed his left hand behind my neck, underneath my hair and held it there.

"I know you're upset with me Bella and I understand that. I just wanted you to know where I was, in case you needed me."

I couldn't imagine why he thought I would need him, but I realized he was only trying to be sweet and he wanted an excuse to see me again. My heart softened at the thought and I even allowed myself to smile.

"I love you Bella. I'll see you soon. Goodnight," he said as he leaned forward. Very softly he placed a light kiss on my forehead.

I wanted to tell him I loved him too or to thank him for coming to say goodnight to me. Before I could open my mouth to speak however, he had already snuck out of the room.

I closed the door and pressed my back against it to reflect for a moment.

"Tanya," I whispered out loud and it didn't bother me as much as it had earlier.

She may have gotten his first kiss, but I have everything else. The thought pleased me and I couldn't help but smile.


	14. Mercy

Chapter 14. Mercy.

The next morning I awoke with a big stretch and a yawn. I could see sunlight pouring under the still closed drapes in my bedroom. It was odd that the sun would already be shining so brightly and no one had come to wake me yet. Puzzled, I stood up and threw the drapes open by myself.

It was late in the morning. For some reason I'd been left alone, left to sleep in. Something had to have happened. It could have been something exciting, but for some reason my gut instinct told me it wasn't. I felt a sense of coldness in the house. Everything was quiet, too calm.

Quickly I pulled my nightgown over my head and replaced with the first dress I pulled from my armoire. I ran a brush threw my long hair and used a ribbon to tie it back. In my haste I didn't bother with anything uncomfortable such as a corset or stockings.

I opened the door and stepped out onto the landing. It was quiet. I started down the stairs and they creaked loudly, uncomfortably under my weight; creating an echo that rang through the entry. I felt nauseous. Something was not right.

I heard sobs from the parlor and turned my attention to the room. Three maids, Mrs. Trent included, were all sitting down in the room. Two of them were young girls who stared at the floor sobbing and Mrs. Trent stared out of the great window.

They all turned to look at me once I stopped near the doorway. Mrs. Trent stood tall and her face was hard, but it was also flushed. She'd been crying as well from the looks of it.

"Ahh, Ms. Swan. I was just about to come wake you," she said solemnly.

"Where is everyone?" I asked with nervousness in my voice.

"I'm afraid that Mr. Masen did not make it through last night," she managed to choke out.

I opened my mouth to reply to her, but I could only gasp. My first thought went to Edward. He must be heartbroken right now and what could I possibly do to make this any better? Then of course I felt sorrow for Alice and Elizabeth Masen as well.

"Mrs. Masen and her children will be returning shortly from the hospital. There will be a burial immediately. You'd best go and change now actually," she said.

"Burial immediately?" I asked. "Won't this parlor be open for viewing? Why is it so rushed?" I asked confused. Especially a man as influential as Edward Masen would have a grand funeral and a proper viewing for his friends and family.

"It's the sickness, Ms. Swan," Mrs. Trent said and now her voice was shaking. "Something's come over the city my dear and many more than Mr. Edward have been infected. For contamination reasons, the body must be immediately buried." She started to cry then and I felt terribly bad for her.

She'd taken care of the Masen home for so long now and this must be a devastating loss for her as well, even as an employee of Mr. Masen. I wanted to go to her and comfort her, but it wasn't my place and I didn't know what I would say. One of the maids, Melody, stood and approached me. The other stood and embraced Mrs. Trent.

"Come on ma'am," said Melody while still looking down. She reached out and took my hands. "We'd best make you more presentable. Edward is the master of the house now and he'll need you."

I should have been insulted by her comment about my presentation. I knew I looked like a rag doll, but it wasn't her position to point that out to me. Again though I felt deeply for her and she was right about Edward. He was the master of his father's estate and affairs now. He hadn't any time to run off and join the army anymore; he actually had worse problems to face. His own war was about to begin on the home front and he would need support.

I didn't have a dress appropriate for the occasion, so Melody had to find me one. The skirt was long and black and the blouse that accompanied it was black as well. She helped me pull my hair back into a bun. I waited in the parlor for the Masen's to return home. I didn't expect them to enter through the back of the house so I was taken by surprise when Elizabeth Masen snuck up on me.

Her face was red and tear stained. Her hair was falling out of place and her boots were beginning to come unlaced. I stood up and stared at her, not knowing exactly what I should say. I waited until she spoke first.

"Bella dear," she said smiling half heartedly at me and she reached her arms out.

I walked toward her, but instead of taking her hands I wrapped my arms around her and we embraced. Tears started to form in my eyes and my body started to shake.

"Mrs. Masen, Elizabeth, I-"I said shakily. "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry."

She let go of me and looked down on me, wiping her own tears from her face and she managed to smile at me again.

"Thank you Bella dear. This isn't how I envisioned your first venture to Chicago, but if it had to happen, I'm glad you're here. You've been a dear friend to Alice and Edward both. I daresay they need your company now most of all. I'm afraid I cannot be much of a comfort to them now in my own despair."

I weakly returned her smile and muttered my sympathy again. Alice came in to the parlor next. She was already dressed in an exquisite silk black dress. Her hair was pulled back and her hat was on. She'd taken the back staircase to her room I supposed.

I wrapped my arms around her and her tears flowed freely onto my shoulder. It wasn't fair this had happened. She'd lost her father just this morning and now it was already time to say goodbye at the cemetery. Mrs. Masen left us to go ready herself and Alice and I sat down together.

I kept my arms around her and her tears didn't stop. She tried to speak several times, but choked on the words before she could get them out. I shushed her and rocked her gently in my arms. Tears flowed every now and then from my eyes as well. Mrs. Masen came downstairs dressed and ready before too long.

She held her head high and had an elaborate black hat with silk ribbons and feathers pinned on her head. She took a deep breath at the end of the stairs and held her hand out for Alice to take. Alice stood at once and ran to her mother's side like a lost puppy.

"Bella, a word please?" asked Mrs. Masen and I walked toward her.

"Yes ma'am?"

"Edward is having some," she paused and took a breath, "difficulty," she concluded. "You have my permission as mistress of this house and his mother to enter into his bedchamber," she stated with authority. Then her face softened and she looked at me pleadingly. "Please Bella, he cannot miss this. He'll regret it for the rest of his life."

She gazed down on me with the same green eyes that Edward had and my heart broke for her all over again. She wanted me to convince Edward to come downstairs and go to the cemetery. He must have taken this hit very hard if it was keeping him isolated from his family now. I nodded to her and ascended the stairs.

I knocked on Edward's door but no one answered. I knocked again. Still, there was no response. I tried to open the door, but it was locked.

"Edward," I called and I could hear him shuffle around inside. "Edward, please let me in dear. I'm so-"he cut me off.

"Let me guess," he said sharply. "You're so sorry for my loss. I know this already Bella, everyone is sorry." His voice was harsh and cold. He was definitely not in a mood to be trifled with.

"Yes Edward," I said rather tartly. "I'm so sorry. Now let me in."

"I need some privacy," he called back.

"And your family needs you. Stop being a brat Edward. Open this door," I yelled back and I banged my palm on the front of the door three times.

"I know," he said softly then and much more collected. "I know they need me and I know I'm being a brat. I can't Bella, I just can't. I'm sorry."

Sorry wasn't good enough for me this time. Edward was shutting himself out and I wouldn't let him. Determined to see him and stop him from making a mistake, I made a very reckless judgment. Edward's bedroom had a balcony. I walked into a guest bedroom where the window would match with his balcony. I threw it open and peered down.

My heart beat started to quicken. I would surely hurt myself, more than likely break something, if this plan fell through. Leaning my head out of the window and peering to my right I could see his balcony. It was far away. It was too far to jump, but I had to do something.

There was a narrow ledge that started under the window. I couldn't fit all of me on the ledge, but if I could keep my balance with my toes, I just might be able to slide across to him. There was also nothing to hold on to except the side of the house. Surely I'd fall straight back and to the ground, but I had to try.

I pulled off my shoes and stockings and hoisted one leg out of the window. Perched on the sill, I started to turn around with my back facing the sunny outdoors. I let my feet hang down while I held onto the window frame until my toes perched on the ledge. It was narrower than I could have imagined, and for a moment I contemplated climbing back in the window.

I took in a deep breath and made myself a promise not to look down as I let go of the window sill and plastered my hands on the side of the house. I tried to keep my body as flat as I could to the house as I started to slide. I could see the balcony becoming closer within my reach as I slowly moved forward. It was getting harder to stay flat against the house, and I was sweating profusely.

I was close enough to touch the railing when my right foot slipped off of the ledge. I reached for the railing as I started to fall backwards and grabbed on to the bottom of it. I let out a monstrous scream while this happened and Edward's French doors opened widely.

He stepped out onto the balcony and looked around before his eyes drifted downward and he saw me dangling from the railing. His eyes were swollen and puffy, but they were instantly intense.

"Bella!" he screamed. "For God's sake Bella!"

He reached out, grabbed my arms, and started to pull me over the railing onto the balcony with him. He heaved us back over and fell immediately on his back with me landing on top of him.

"Edward, are you alright?" I asked immediately worried about his tumble, but he started to sit up even before I finished asking.

He looked at me and he was genuinely angry. I pushed myself off of him and crawled around to sit next to him on the balcony. His eyes were on fire and his nostrils were starting to flare.

"Am I alright?" he practically screamed at me. I shuddered and looked away from him. "Bloody hell Bella, what in the hell are you trying to do?"

"I-" I started but I couldn't finish my sentence, and he didn't waste any time continuing.

"I lose my father and you on the same day! Tell me, did you think breaking your neck would make me feel better? Did you?"

I didn't want to start crying but I couldn't help it. Hot tears started to roll down my cheeks and his demeanor instantly changed.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I don't want you to make a mistake Edward. You need to go to the cemetery or you'll regret it and I only wanted to tell you but you wouldn't let me in."

"Oh Bella," he sighed and his arms wrapped around my shoulders.

He pulled me close to him and I rested my face against his shoulder, allowing him to embrace me tightly. I felt silly, but he'd yelled at me and I couldn't resist. He was the one who needed to be comforted. His father had just passed away and here he was, having to hold me.

"No, no Edward," I said shaking my head and pushing away from him. "I'm the one who needs to be comforting you. I'm fine."

He smiled at me. It was tired, but genuine. He stood slowly and held his hands out to lift me up as well. He had on brown work pants and a wrinkly white shirt. He rolled down his sleeves and buttoned them up. Then he escorted me inside and grabbed his old brown cap.

"I haven't any time to change. Come on then," he said grasping my hand and pulling me along behind him.

Edward's mother, sister, and the rest of the staff didn't have time to wait for us. They'd already taken the motor car and the carriage, pulled by the only horses I knew. Edward saddled up a new horse for us, an all white Paso Fino mare. He assured me the horse was safe and that I'd be just fine riding with him. Her name was Samara and she was an older horse and much more calm than some others.

I climbed onto the horses back and tried my hardest to sit side saddle behind Edward while holding on to his waist. The ride was quick, but I could see that it would be exhausting to walk. The cemetery was on the outskirts of the city and it was dreadfully hot.

When we arrived Edward left me to comfort his family. He held on to both his mother and Alice while they cried. He didn't shed a tear. Edward stayed strong and kept his head held high. Mr. Masen was not buried in a fancy casket, as would have been the case if the circumstances of his death were different. It appeared that whatever this illness was, many other people had fallen victim to it.

The graveyard was crowded and Mr. Masen was not the only quick burial taking place. In some cases, there were no family members around at all, just men digging and then covering. The entire scene was solemn and frightening. I wondered what we would do now. The day after tomorrow we were suppose to go back to Washington, but would this change our plans?

The rest of the day at the Masen home was solemn and quiet. Several visitors stopped by to give their sympathy so the family stayed close to the parlor room. I felt uncomfortable receiving guests who didn't even know I existed and tried to stay out of the way. Edward spent several long hours in his father's office pouring over documents on the desk.

He owned his father's business now whether he wanted it or not. Now Edward was in control of the logging company and the decisions to be made would fall on his shoulders. He was barely 18, but he found himself becoming a real man in a matter of hours.

Later that evening Mrs. Masen stated that she didn't feel well. This put the house in chaos. Everyone was worried that she may have caught the illness which had so recently claimed her husband's life. Alice was in tears before Mrs. Masen had even reached her bedroom and although Edward looked panicked, he didn't allow it to show for long.

"Pack your things tonight," he commanded to us both. "We're leaving on the first train out of Chicago immediately. I have to handle father's business in Washington and we need to leave the city. We need to escape this."

He sounded paranoid toward the end of his speech, but he tried hard not to give it away. I could read Edward. To any stranger he would appear calm, composed, and indifferent. I knew he was scared. He had his defenses in place, and he wasn't willing to allow anyone see him break down. Alice nodded and started upstairs. I took a step toward him.

"Edward," I said reaching out to touch his arm. "It's been a long day. It's alright to rest a couple of days, maybe even longer before we travel."

"It's not alright," he said through clenched teeth and he pulled his arm away from me.

He walked out of the parlor and I followed him into Mr. Masen's office. Edward opened a cabinet and pulled out a clear bottle containing a brown liquid. It was alcohol I knew, but I hadn't a clue what kind. Next he pulled out a glass and started to pour the contents from the container into it.

I stood and watched him, planning my next words carefully. He brought the glass to his lips and threw back his head, consuming everything in one swallow. He shook his head from side to side and began to pour another glass.

"Your mother's tired. She's been through too much today," I stated simply.

"And no one else has?" he snapped, and I could tell he instantly regretted his tone. His face softened slightly and he took another swig from the glass. "I'm sorry Bella. I would love to allow my mother and Alice some time to rest, but I can't. I have a business to run now and I'm not leaving town without them."

"This is their home Edward."

"This was their home. You heard my mother tonight. What if she gets ill? What if it gets to Alice too?" He took another drink and wiped his mouth on his shirtsleeve before connecting with my eyes. "What if you catch it? I refuse to lose you." he said piercingly and my skin tingled.

I nodded and walked toward him. He had just poured another glass. I reached out and took it from his hands, bringing it just under my nose so I could smell. He laughed a little. My face must have shown my distaste for the foul smell.

"It's whiskey," he merely stated.

I took another sniff before bringing the glass to my lips. Edward put his hands in his pockets and raised one eyebrow inquisitively. He didn't think I would do it. I threw my head back just as he had done and allowed the alcohol to slide down my throat.

Immediately I was coughing and gagging and sticking out my tongue trying to get rid of the horrid taste. Edward laughed at me and took the glass to refill it. Then he surprised me by handing it back.

"It gets better," he said smiling.

I took the next drink just as I had done the first. It still stung my throat, and I didn't think it had gotten any better at all. I refused to let that show. I tried my hardest not to gag or cough. Edward reached out and wiped a drop of the whiskey from the corner of my lip.

"God have mercy on me Bella," he said softly. "If I'm not careful you'll steal my soul."

"What on earth does that mean?" I said confused and offended.

"Only that sometimes you are too much my dear. I know you can see the real me, not the façade." He sighed deeply and pulled me in to an embrace. "You don't know how much you mean to me," he whispered and I wasn't sure how to respond.

Silent sobs began to form in Edward's chest. He hadn't cried during his father's burial or all day while visitors were in and out of the house in mourning. Edward pulled me closer and I knew his tears were threatening to spill. He trusted me enough to let his inhibitions go in front of me, and for now that was all I needed.

**A/N: I've gotten several new readers lately. Thanks so much you guys!**

**I'm really glad you like the story and I hope you love this chapter as well. Please leave me some feedback if you want…I'm very open to suggestions. If you have any ideas, let me know! **


	15. Choice

Chapter 15. Choice.

The train ride back to Washington was depressing to say the least. Mrs. Masen barely spoke at all. She spent most of her time staring out of the window with tears running down her cheeks. I felt sorry for her. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost Edward.

Edward also spent his time staring outside at the scenery, except there were no tears. He was too prideful to let that happen in front of his family. My time was spent with Alice, trying to comfort her and also keep her mind off of her painful loss.

I kept her occupied with thoughts of Jasper Whitlock. She had sent an emergency telegram to him, relaying the news of her father's death, the day he died. At the time though, she hadn't known we'd be leaving a day early to start home and so he had no idea of her early arrival.

My own thoughts were mostly occupied with my own father, Charlie. I missed him while I was gone and now I felt even more grateful to have him. I was immediately taken home once we arrived where I told him the news of Mr. Masen's death.

"You should never have gone Bella. I should never have allowed you," he said shaking his head.

"No, I'm glad I was there. Alice and Edward, they needed me."

"What were the symptoms of this illness?" he asked concerned.

"Well," I said slowly trying to remember what I had collected, "there were chills and a fever. I only saw him once, right after he fainted."

I looked at my father and watched his expression drop. His face was concerned and he avoided making eye contact. I wondered if he worried that we brought this sickness back with us. Or maybe there were cases of it here?

"There have been cases like that in Seattle. People have gotten sick, some have died. I'm not sure if it's the same, but certainly similar," he muttered quietly.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a big hug.

"It's alright, we'll be fine," I assured him.

Then his next words hit me like a brick.

"You shouldn't mingle around Bella. Not until this all blows over and especially not at the Masen home."

He knew I wouldn't like this, and he still wouldn't look at me because of that. His eyes roamed around the floor, the walls, the ceiling, anywhere except my piercing gaze.

"There's nothing wrong with the Masen's," I spat bitterly. "Or anyone else in Forks for that matter. You can't confine me. I'm not under quarantine."

"Bella honey, please try to understand. Several of these people commute to Seattle at times. Edward will be spending much of his time there now. You even told me that Elizabeth had a fainting spell the same day Edward Senior was buried."

I had told him about her weakness, but at the time I had contributed it to her long day and suffering. He was right about Edward and it worried me greatly. If there was an epidemic in Seattle, Edward would surely be exposed to it. I was shocked, saddened, and exhausted. I couldn't argue now so instead I went to bed.

Five days in to my house confinement Alice called on me, but was sent home after my father told her I was too ill to receive visitors. I stared out of my bedroom window and sobbed watching her walk back down the road. That night I was startled awake by something at my window.

Terrified I got out of bed to look, but my fear quickly melted away as I saw Edward standing in the moonlight staring up at me. I held up my palm, asking him to wait just a minute and I grabbed my robe to cover myself up.

The stairs in my house were old and creaky. I could hear my father's heavy snores, but still I worried that he would wake while I tried as cautiously as possible to sneak down them. The back door was much lighter than the front and also further away from the snores so I chose to use it.

I snuck up on Edward and this time he was the one who jumped. I giggled at him and he glared at me. He grabbed my hand in his and my heart leapt at the contact. It had been so long since I'd touched him and I missed it.

"Come with me, just for a moment," he whispered as he drew me further from my home and closer to the edge of the woods. With no hesitation I followed, trusting him completely. "I hear you've been missing lately," he stated once we were concealed just beyond the tree line.

I couldn't see him anymore. I could only make out his outline because the darkness had engulfed us. Had I been alone in the forest, I would have been extremely frightened. Edward was still holding my hand.

"It's because of my father. He's scared because some people in Seattle have fallen ill," I muttered. I felt uncomfortable talking about it with Edward since he had recently lost his father.

"Ah, Alice told me you were ill. I was extremely worried about you, but knew I'd have to wait until tonight to call on you. If your father wouldn't allow Alice in to see you, I knew I had no hope of getting past him. I'm glad you're alright. It makes me feel better about this." Edward's tone was hesitant. He was nervous about something.

"What do you mean by, feel better about this?" I asked nervously.

"Bella," he said reaching out and stroking my cheek. I couldn't see his hand but I could definitely feel it. "Bella," he said again. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

The words stung as soon as they escaped his lips. I don't know what I had been expecting, but it certainly wasn't this. I gasped in a breath and took a step back from him, halted by a large tree trunk. Edward followed me and pressed me closer into the tree. He leaned forward and instead of his hand, his cheek pressed against mine. My body was on fire and he was pushed up against me as close as he could.

"I don't understand. Is it business?" I asked.

"Bella, you must promise to hear me out before you say anything." I didn't like the sound of this but I promised him nonetheless. "It's been my dream to be a soldier," he stated.

I immediately gasped and turned my head away from him. Surely he couldn't really be considering this still? After all that had just happened Edward couldn't run away to Europe. He was a business man now and he couldn't let his father's company go to waste so he could go play with gun fire. I kept my promise and my mouth stayed shut although the tension between us increased immensely.

"Bella I won't be truly satisfied with myself until I fulfill my dream. Now I know you are thinking about how reckless and irresponsible this is, but it's not as bad as you might think. I've spent the last several days in Seattle and my father's company, my company, will be just fine. Everything will be just fine. Now, I'm sure you have some choice words for me."

"You're damn right I do," I snapped at him and all he could do was chuckle at me. This made me even madder and I started to raise my voice. "Just fine? Really?" Suddenly Edward's hand clamped down over my mouth.

"Bella dear do you want to wake the entire the town?" he asked.

I lowered my voice because he was right, but my tone stayed sharp and angry.

"How dare you run away," I snapped and his hand was once again over my mouth for a brief second.

"I'm not running Bella. I've taken care of everything I needed to, and it will all be here for me when I come home."

"If you come home," I quickly retorted.

That was a reality check for both of us and neither one of us spoke for a long minute.

"When I come home," Edward said emphasizing the 'when', "I want you to be here for me."

That threw me off of my tangent momentarily and I wondered exactly what he meant. He guessed this based on my silence and continued.

"I want you to be mine when I return. Promise me that you're my girl," he said.

If it had been daylight I would have looked like a tomato to him. I was sad and hurt that he was leaving, but my heart instantly fluttered at the thought of being 'his girl.'

"Oh Edward, I'll always be yours," I said as my tears started to overflow from my eyes.

I reached out to wrap my arms around his neck, but in true Bella Swan fashion I missed and ended up hitting him in the head instead. I was embarrassed, but he played it off and said nothing. Edward instantly corrected my mistake and we were entwined in one another's embrace for what seemed like seconds, but it must've been much longer.

"Listen Bella," he said after a while of silence. "My Uncle Carlisle Cullen and my Aunt Esme are coming within the next three days. Do you remember them?"

"Yes," I answered truthfully.

Esme was Elizabeth Masen's sister and her husband Carlisle was a doctor. They lived somewhere in the east, but came to visit the Masen's on occasion. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen them; it had been years I did know that much.

"Carlisle and Esme are going to help my mother. Carlisle will look after father's business, according to my wishes of course. I've spoken with him and left all the instruction he'll need. Esme will be here to comfort my mother and help her. Alice will need you."

"She has Jasper now," I said quietly.

"She will need you," he said intensely. "I hate to admit that my baby sister has grown up sometimes, and Jasper is a wonderful man, but I know that Alice will rely on you for support. Promise me you'll take care of her? And Prince will need you too," he added teasingly, trying to lighten my mood.

"I promise. Now promise me you'll take care of yourself. They know, don't they?"

"I promise Bella. I'll be alright and I can look after myself. Yes, they know. They have known for a while and though they aren't happy with my decision, I believe they understand. I was reluctant to tell you. I made these plans back before my father was sick, but then things changed between you and me. I didn't know how to tell you Bella. I'm going to Philadelphia first. That's all I know right now."

The first gray light of day started to drift out from beneath the darkness and I knew Edward would have to go soon before the sun came up. He knew this also and began to lead us back to the house. The black sky was starting to gray when we returned and I could faintly see the details of his face.

Edward took me to the back door and walked me up the steps. I turned around to face him, trying to make out his features as best I could. He stroked my cheek and continued running his fingers down my neck, across my collarbone, and then to my shoulders. He ran them down my arm and then reached for my waist.

"I'm a complete gentleman Bella, you know that," he said nervously.

"Sometimes I wish you weren't," I said without thinking and was immediately embarrassed.

Edward must have been thinking the same thing though because he started to let his inhibitions go. His fingers ghosted across my waist to the opening in my robe and he pushed his hand inside so that the only thing separating his hand from my skin was the thin cotton material of my nightgown. My breathing stilled and my heart beat so loudly I was surprised I couldn't hear it with my ears.

He wrapped his fingers around the narrowest part of my waist and closed them tightly on my body. He pulled me closer to him and his other hand reached underneath my flowing hair to grab the back of my neck. Edward brought his lips to mine and kissed me roughly.

It was a goodbye kiss and I knew it. It was filled with passion and longing and desperation. He moved his fingers on my waist and started to massage me roughly. He gripped my neck tighter and pushed us against the wall next to the back door of the house. My hands tangled in his hair, knocking his cap to the ground.

He moved his other hand from my neck to my waist and swiftly pinned me up, slightly above him on the side of the house. His lips left mine and started to trail along my jaw. I was panting and sweating and his grip was a little too tight, but I didn't want it to end.

His hips pressed in to mine and I a moan escaped my lips. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt before and my entire body was tingling. I wanted more. One of his hands started to travel down from my waist to the top of my thigh. My nightgown was scrunched up almost to my knees and I started to shiver as his hand continued to massage the top of my thigh.

"Edward", I managed to breathe out.

Then he stopped. I hadn't meant for him to stop. I needed to tell him that I wanted him that way and I enjoyed him exploring my body. He set me down and stepped away from me. He let out a sigh and shook his head before looking around to make sure no one had been watching us. Then he looked at me and his eyes were filled with something I couldn't make out. I didn't know if it was regret or longing but I hoped it was the latter.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I lost my control."

"I wanted you to," I said and I reached out for his hand.

"I could tell," he chuckled.

I could tell he was conflicted. Perhaps he felt both regret and longing. He wanted me, which was obvious. Yet he knew the act was morally unacceptable. It was time for goodbye, but neither of us knew what to say.

I warned him several times to be careful and he assured me he would write to me. We gave each other another short embrace and he kissed me gently before turning away from me. I went to the parlor window inside and watched him for as long as I could before the tears came.

That day I defied my father. I told him I was going to see Alice and explained to him that Edward had gone. Then I left the house before he could stop me. I didn't want to go the Masen's because I knew he wouldn't be there, but I needed to see Alice and I knew she needed me too.

I was right. Alice was sobbing in her bedroom when I arrived. Anne Marie escorted me into the entry and told me where I would find Alice. The entire house was empty and solemn. It was mourning the loss of its master, both the old and the new. The walls and the floors were cold even though it was summer.

"Oh Bella," Alice sobbed in to my shoulder.

We were sitting on her bed and our arms were wrapped around each other, both of us crying to each other.

"It isn't fair that he left. I've lost my father and my brother. Promise you won't go anywhere either?"

"I know Alice," I said through my own broken tears. "I know."

The next few weeks were blurs to me. So many things happened, but everything seemed trivial without Edward. He needed to be here. He needed to be with his family, but instead he was dancing around in the east somewhere getting ready to play with artillery. I became very bitter about Edward's situation the more I lingered on it.

I was lonely and upset that he had left, and the best way I could channel my emotions was to be angry with him. It was miserable to lie around and pine for him all day long. I learned that early on, but to be angry with him kept my thoughts clear for longer.

Carlisle and Esme Cullen arrived just as Edward had said. They were just as charming as I remembered them. Esme was several years younger than her sister, Elizabeth Masen, and although she and Carlisle had been married for a while, they had no children. I know from Alice that Esme had miscarriages in the past and even gave birth once to a stillborn once.

Esme was very maternal by nature. She looked after all of us. She was a mother to Alice and even to me on occasion. She was a Godsend to Mrs. Masen. On afternoons where I would visit Alice, Esme would often join us for company. Carlisle was also a pleasant man. He had a friendly disposition and he was always polite, but I never spent much time around him.

He spent long hours locked away in Mr. Masen's office or in Seattle. When he was not working on affairs for the logging company, he would be out making house calls around town. Everyone seemed to need the new, friendly doctor at all the most inconvenient times.

True to my word to Edward, I spent hours each day in Alice's company. I tried my best to keep her thoughts optimistic and to keep her distracted from her reality horror tales. I also visited Prince almost every afternoon. Sometimes I would put on his bridle and lead him around the grounds by the reins, but I never saddled him. I felt important in a way, like I was keeping this part of Edward here.

Towards the end of his second week being away, a letter finally came from Edward. I had hoped that he would send something especially for my eyes, but instead he sent one letter addressed to all of his family and me. He inquired about everyone and then wrote special messages to everyone.

He wrote that he hoped I was doing well and keeping up my end of the bargain. He asked me to tell Prince 'hello' for him. All he wanted from me was to tell his horse that he said 'hello'? After everything we had been through in the past month and the only thing he wanted was that? I kept listening as Alice read the letter aloud to us all. I was looking for some alternative meaning in his words, but found nothing.

Apparently everyone was hopeful that the war wouldn't last much longer and so Edward would be sent overseas very soon. Most likely he was going to Amiens in Northern France. This area had been under German control, and the French and British had tried to re-secure it for the Allies. At the end of his letter he stated that he loved us all and he wasn't sure when he would have the chance to write again, but to look for his letter.

In all fairness, I guess he did say he loved me in an odd sort of way. He didn't outwardly confess this to everyone, but had said "I love you all." If that was all I could get right now, I would take it and not complain. The letter only made me miss him more. Amiens was a name that stuck in my head for weeks after the letter arrived. The simple name was all I could think about.

The most distressing thing that happened in Edward's absence was the spread of sickness. I read in the newspaper one day where the death rate in the east, cities like Chicago in particular, was accumulating rapidly. Only a few days later, the cases were more widespread.

The few cases my father heard about in Seattle earlier seemed to multiply instantly. Before I knew it, the illness was a widespread epidemic and the threat of contamination was frighteningly real. Washington State was hit hard by the fever and the newspapers made a huge spectacle of it. Every day the headline posted a warning to citizens. I tried my best to keep the stories hidden from Alice. She didn't need to read them; she had lived through the reality once already and I prayed she wouldn't have to do it again.

When I thought it would be too much for her to bare, this new outbreak proved me wrong. Alice was the exact opposite of how I expected her to be. She was sympathetic ,and she wanted to help badly. Hospitals seemed to spring up from the ground overnight, lining the country side so that the sick could be cared for. She convinced me to go with her one day, against my instincts which told me to stay away.

Carlisle gave us both masks to wear and we went to the closest countryside hospital near Forks. Alice wanted to take blankets. She had collected them as a Women's Society project and was very proud of herself. The hospital was makeshift. The walls were cloth, but the foundation was sturdy. The roof was waterproof as it had to be for our climate.

I wanted to faint from the minute we stepped inside. There wasn't much blood, which was good because I'm queasy around it. However, the stench was horrid. There were rows and rows of cot beds and each one was filled with a patient. Some were shaking with chills and others were bent over, vomiting into bed pans. Alice took hold of my hand, trying to give me encouragement to continue.

"Be very careful. Help any way you can, but don't remove the mask," instructed Carlisle strictly. He then turned away. Alice and I started to walk along the beds. There weren't nearly enough nurses here to care for everyone. Most people were volunteers from the surrounding communities, just like us.

Alice started to rewet a washcloth for an elderly lady, but my attention turned to the next cot. There was a brown skinned boy with black hair, not much younger than myself, lying there and looking at me with piercing brown eyes. He was conscious, but his body was shaking.

"Are you cold?" I asked him slowly and he nodded.

I unfolded a blanket I'd been carrying and spread it out across his body, covering him fully. He reached out his hand from underneath and startled me a bit, but I couldn't bring myself to be rude and pull away so I let him grip my hand lightly.

"Thank you," he said weakly but full of sincerity. "Ms?"

"Swan," I replied softly. He looked confused and I realized I needed to talk louder because of the mask. Something about his warm eyes made my heart melt. I felt sympathy and compassion for him and for his condition. I couldn't imagine being in his place. "Bella Swan," I said more loudly.

"Bella," he repeated and smiled.

"And you are?" I asked.

"Jacob Black," he said and he smiled at me weakly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Jacob Black. You need some rest now." I pulled my hand away from him and readjusted the blanket over the top of him. "Go to sleep and we'll talk more some other time," I said kindly.

His weak smile didn't falter and he nodded. Before I could blink he was already asleep, helpless and alone, on the old cot.

**AN: Sorry this was a long one…I couldn't cut it off once I got started! Hope you enjoy it anyway and let me know what you think! **


	16. Devastation

Chapter 16. Devastation.

The epidemic didn't falter without causing a devastating blow first. Before the end of the week close to 100 people within the greater Seattle areas were dead, and Elizabeth Masen was one of them. She didn't go as quickly as her husband had, and was sick in the hospital for nearly three days before she passed. Carlisle tended to his sister in law every day, but even with his medical expertise she was no match for this plague. She was immediately laid to rest just outside of Forks, hundreds of miles away from her husband in Chicago.

Alice didn't cry this time, at least not in front of me. I think she was too upset and too alone to even cry for her mother's death. Carlisle wrote to Edward in France. Because of Mrs. Masen's passing, Edward made Carlisle a business partner. That would give Carlisle more freedom to run the business in Edward's absence.

I didn't know how long he and Esme would stay. I supposed that after Mrs. Masen's death they would return to their home, somewhere east of Forks. They stayed though. I don't know if Esme grew fond of the area or Carlisle enjoyed working in the business realm, but no one mentioned leaving.

I felt sorry for Edward to be so far away and have to deal with his mother's death alone. On the other hand, I was even angrier with him. He should have been here for her when she passed away. He should be here running his business, which was not Carlisle's original responsibility. Mostly, I was upset that he had only written my once since being away. I was expecting more from him, and it saddened me to think about him being so far away when I had so little contact with him.

Alice and I quit going to the hospital after Mrs. Masen died, but my former patient Jacob Black never quit coming to see me. Jacob was crass and sarcastic, but I enjoyed his company. He and his family still lived on the Quileute reservation, but he was one of the few who came off to work for the "pale faces," as he liked to call us.

My relationship with Jacob was unique. Not many people associated with members of the tribe unless they had to, and now a single young woman was forming a bond with one of them. We turned more than a few heads whenever we were seen together.

"I don't understand Bella," said Alice shaking her head, lecturing me once again on my newly formed friendship. "He's not like us."

"Alice," I snapped at her, "that isn't fair. You're judging him based on preconceived notions, and you haven't even tried to get to know him. He's actually a gentleman."

"By whose interpretation of the word?" she asked me raising her eyebrows.

"He's different, I'll admit that. He was raised differently but he's still my friend. Jacob's a very unique individual," I added.

Alice rolled her eyes and strolled along ahead of me on the path. We were walking toward the Whitlock's farm to pay Jasper a surprise visit. The sun was shining, but the breeze was still cool. Alice wanted to spend as little time as possible in her family's home.

She had too many memories of her parents there and I didn't mind accompanying her on outings to visit Jasper. They weren't allowed very much alone time anyway and I was always bored when I wasn't with Alice or Jacob.

Alice stopped to smooth out her skirt one last time before we rounded a bend which would bring the Whitlock home into view.

"Pinch your cheeks a little. They'll be rosy," I teased.

Alice reached out to lightly slap my shoulder, but then proceeded to pinch her cheeks anyway. The Whitlock's home wasn't fancy by any means. It was simple and sturdy, nothing more than a roof over one's head and a shelter from the elements. Alice didn't mind Jasper's humble upbringing.

We never reached the house. We were deviated from the road once Alice caught site of Jasper in a field. He stopped working and leaned against one of his mules as we approached.

"Good morning ladies," he said, taking a handkerchief from his pocket and wiping sweat from around his neck.

"Hello Jasper," I acknowledged and he nodded toward me.

Alice and Jasper stared at each other, longingly and lovingly. Moments such as this often made me feel uncomfortable, so I turned to the side and pretended to be interested in something back towards the woods.

"Did anyone see you?" asked Jasper and Alice nodded that they hadn't. "Start towards the woods," said Jasper deviously.

He unhitched the mules and started to guide them toward the barn. Alice and I walked across the field and stopped just inside the tree line. Within minutes Jasper returned and I said my goodbyes. Of course they begged me to stay and walk with them, but I knew they secretly wanted alone time. Neither of them was selfish enough to ask for it, so I decided they deserved it.

I walked along the tree line until I reached the main road into town. Before I could be lonely long, company found me in the way of my new friend, Jacob Black.

I met him on the road, and he anxiously agreed to turn around and escort me back to town. Jacob was taller than I was and quiet muscular for a boy his age. He was accustomed to hard work and labor, only reiterated by the sweat accumulated on his neck. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his shirt wasn't buttoned all the way up.

"So your friends just left you?" he asked obviously annoyed by the fact that I was walking the main road alone.

"No. I told you, I left them," I stated haughtily.

"Hmm," was his only reply at first. "Well what are you going to do once you're back in Forks?"

"Eat lunch I suppose and then maybe read a book."

Jacob was swatting at the tall grass growing on the side of the road with a long stick he'd picked up after he met me. He stopped and threw the stick as far into the wilderness as he could before turning around to laugh at me.

"Read a book?" he asked sarcastically.

Normally I would have been embarrassed, but I felt too comfortable with him. This was just Jacob's normal behavior and I was accustomed to it.

"I enjoy reading," I snapped.

"About kings and queens and endless love in faraway lands?" he asked jokingly.

"Tragic love stories are much preferred actually," I said.

"Humph, pale faces," he remarked while showing disgust in his facial expressions.

Humph, Indians," I retorted with just as much infliction.

We both laughed then and Jacob spun around in front of me. He took both of my hands in his in a very natural way and continued to walk backwards.

"Don't go home," he said and I could sense an alternative meaning to his words.

"I have to," I said looking down and he dropped my hands.

"No, you're going to choose to," he said and he turned away from me, much like a child would when throwing a temper tantrum.

"My father will be expecting lunch," I lied.

Jacob knew it was a lie. I was a horrible liar. He turned around and the hurt was written across his expression.

"I know its unorthodox Bella, but you're not like all those other people. It would be a lot to ask, too much to ask actually, but I still would," he said somberly.

He was suddenly incredibly sad and he was also starting to lose me. It wasn't until his next sentence that I fully grasped what Jacob was insinuating. Jacob was walking a fine line with our friendship and I hoped he wasn't about to ruin it.

"If you could look past all the prejudices," he hesitated and looked away. "I'd do anything for you," he finished.

I reached out placed my hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at me again. I felt sorry for Jacob. He had been such a good friend and a comfort to me recently, but I had to let him know that I only wanted friendship.

"Jacob it's not that at all. It's not your heritage," I paused waiting for his reaction.

"What is it then?" he asked quietly.

"I'm engaged Jacob," I said slowly and he pushed himself away from me.

"Engaged?" he asked bitterly. "Who are you engaged to? Where's the ring and why isn't he here walking with you now?"

"Well, I don't have a ring exactly," I said shyly.

"Then how are you engaged?"

Jacob reached down and pulled a long blade of grass up from the ground. He twisted the grass around and looped it. Without asking he grabbed my left hand and slipped his newly made ring on my finger. I couldn't help but smile and he laughed.

"There, now you're engaged," he said teasingly again.

I wanted to let things stay like this. I wanted to agree with Jacob and continue having fun on our walk, but I couldn't. It wasn't fair to Jacob now that his feelings had been confirmed, and it wasn't fair to Edward either regardless of how far away he was from me.

Jacob's smile faded when he realized what I was about to do. He put his head down again and continued to pout.

"I'm not engaged exactly," I started to say and Jacob lifted his dark eyes to lock with mine, "but I've promised to wait for someone."

When I finished my sentence he kicked at the ground and looked away again.

"Who?" he asked.

"Edward Cullen" I said nervously.

"The Edward Cullen, huh?" he said sarcastically. "Somehow I thought you had better taste than that."

"That's not fair. You don't even know Edward," I said and I was actually angry.

"I know enough about him, and his family. I know about his father especially, and they're not friends of ours."

"Friends of ours?" I asked. "It shouldn't be that way Jacob. We don't have to be separated like that."

"But it is like that Bella and we are separated. Unless you have great plans to change legislation, it's going to stay that way."

"Jacob," I started to say but he cut me off.

"Have you ever heard about the Carlisle School Bella? In Pennsylvania?"

"I understand where you're coming from and I'm sorry," I yelled. "But I'm not the one who told you to cut your hair and choose a new name. Leave that out of this. You can't hold all that against me!"

He was silent for a while, considering my words and by his expression, he was also impressed. Jacob was looking for any excuse to pick a fight with me when he mentioned the Pennsylvania school for Indian assimilation.

"You're right. I don't know what that has to do with Edward Cullen. Maybe I just like to complain too much. I just, I don't know," he said and he shook his head at me.

I rolled my eyes at him and sighed. He laughed at me again and offered a weak smile.

"What am I going to do with you Jacob Black?" I asked sternly.

"Marry me," he said teasing me some more. "Then you'll have forever to decide what you should do with me."

My heart dropped for a moment and then I remembered the grass ring. I reached out to punch his shoulder but he was too fast and moved out of my way quickly. Jacob and I continued our walk until we reached my gate.

Edward wasn't mentioned again, and Jacob and I were back to our normalcy and comfort for now. Somehow I missed Edward more after spending time with Jacob that afternoon. I almost felt guilty, but I knew I'd done nothing wrong. Two days later, a letter came from Edward addressed specifically for me.

_Dear Bella,_

_Before continuing I must offer you my sincerest apologies for not writing to you more often. I haven't had much time or energy to write home. You should know though, that doesn't mean I don't think of you often. You're always occupying my thoughts. Please don't be too angry, and please forgive me._

_I can't stand to write to you about the war, so I won't. I'm safe, and that is all you need to know. However, what you hear is mostly true, and the reality of battle is much different from the glory that I once thought it was. I can't bring myself to regret my decision though. _

_I miss you terribly Bella and in my previous letters I haven't been able to fully express that to you. It's so much easier to only write one letter addressed for everyone, but I know it hasn't been fair to you. Carlisle told me you've been a savior for Alice. _

_I can never repay you for that or thank you enough. The loss of our mother is hard to comprehend, especially thousands of miles away. I can't imagine how hard this time has been for Alice. I'm afraid that the reality of the situation will only truly hit me once I return home. If I allow my thoughts to linger, I do feel remorse for my hasty enlistment. _

_As I mentioned, I do not regret my decision. I do however; feel that it was my responsibility to be there when Mother passed. When Carlisle wrote to me about her death, I felt completely alone and in that moment, I missed you the most. _

_Your presence has always been a comfort to me and I hope it will continue to be that way upon my return. I have no plans or instructions to return as of yet. Know that if I'm ever granted leave, you will be the first to receive a telegram._

_I've always tried to be a proper gentleman, so you must grant me forgiveness for what I'm about to write because it is selfish of me. To tell you I miss you does not do the emotion justice. What I should say is that I need you. When faith begins to become lost, I only need to close my eyes and imagine your smiling face, your pink blush, your warm hands, and your soft lips. If I could kiss you now, from so far away, nothing would stop me. _

_Please remember that I love you Bella. With all of my heart, I love you._

_Always,_

_Your Edward _

The letter was disappointing at first. I wanted to know some of the finer details about his condition and it worried me that he would not share them. It made me think that he might not be so safe if he was unwilling to confide in me about his experience.

The letter was also too formal. He was writing to me as if I was an old, dear friend and not the woman who was waiting for him. As I continued to read, Edward's letter changed. His tone seemed to become more urgent, and he seemed almost desperate in his writing about needing me.

My heart started to flutter and chill bumps covered my entire body. My cheeks started to blush and I closed my eyes, imagining the kiss that he wrote about. I shivered at the thought of his lips against mine, and then wondered if Edward had felt the same emotion as he wrote about it.

The letter was dated from three weeks earlier and had been sent originally from Northern France. I quickly wrote a reply although I had no idea how long it would take for it to reach him. I didn't hold back in my response letter. The emotion evoked from Edward in his last paragraph reeked from my pen, but I didn't care. I wanted to write him an overly passionate vow of love, and that is what I would have described it as.

That night I read and reread Edward's letter many times until I started to cry. I was pleased that he had finally written to me and only me yet still saddened by his absence. I clutched his letter to my chest while lying in bed. The ink was now smudged from rogue tear drops and the paper was mostly crinkled. I let my tears fall freely until they whisked me off into my dreamless sleep.

**AN: Thank you again to those of you who leave me reviews. I really appreciate your feedback! I'm so glad so many new people have started to read the story. You don't know how excited I get whenever I see that I have a new review or that someone new has added my story to their alerts list.**

**Thanks so much to thefeatherlover for the awesome blinky and banners for the story. Go check it out…its perfect! ****.net/u/2124298/thefeatherlover**


	17. Loss

Chapter 17 Loss

August and September came and went, and with it so did my 17 year old self. Alice insisted on hosting a small dinner party in celebration of my 18th birthday. My father and I along with Carlisle, Esme, and Alice were the only ones in attendance. That's the way I wanted it. I would've liked for Edward to celebrate with us of course. I wanted to invite Jacob, but I knew better. I didn't want to listen to Alice's complaints and protests.

I spent more and more time with each passing week in the company of Jacob. I never received another letter from Edward, and his family only received one more than I had. The last time anyone had heard from him, he'd been in France. That's all we knew.

As much as I missed him, I also started to feel a certain amount of resentment toward Edward. I wanted him to tell me how safe he was, and to assure me he would return to me soon. It angered me that he hadn't written me as much as he had promised. Part of me used that anger to help channel out my real enemy; fear. I was afraid there was a reason I hadn't heard from Edward, and I couldn't let my mind dwell on that thought.

It was an unusually bright and sunny day out as I walked along the main road through Forks. I kicked at the ground with my boots, chucking rocks and dirt around me while I was lost in my thoughts.

"Well, well," said a smooth voice from behind me.

I didn't startle because I had come to recognize Jacob's voice. I didn't look up at him, but he made me smile.

"Jacob," I said sweetly while still kicking at the ground. "What are you doing in this neck of the woods?"

"Work, as always. What are you concentrating so hard on?" he tried to ask nonchalantly. I could tell he was really interested.

"Oh nothing," I immediately answered. My cheeks flushed a little. I was uncomfortable talking about Edward with Jacob for some reason.

I gasped a little as I felt the warmth of Jacob's hand touch my bare arm. My skin started to prickle and I shivered slightly. It didn't feel quite the same way as Edward's touch did, but it caused a physical reaction in my body nonetheless. I paused and looked at him finally.

What I saw in his eyes made me uncomfortable. Jacob wished for something more than friendship from me, but we both knew that couldn't happen. Somehow I was mesmerized by his dark pupils though, and I couldn't look away.

"Miss Swan!" someone called out from far away. I could barely recognize my name because it seemed so distant. I continued to stare at Jacob, and he didn't break his gaze away from mine. "Miss Swan!" the distressed call came once again, and it was getting closer.

"Isabella Swan!" the voice called one last time before I tore my eyes from Jacob's and looked to my right.

Anne Marie, a housekeeper at the Masen's home was running toward me at full speed. She didn't have on a hat even though the sun was beating down and her skirts were tangled wildly around her ankles. She looked as if she left the Masen home in a hurry.

She stopped suddenly in front of us and bent over to place her palms on her knees while trying to catch her breath. I looked back at Jacob and glimpsed him rolling his eyes. I turned back to Anne Marie and placed my hands on her shoulders.

"Breathe Anne," I told her. "What's the matter?"

Still panting she spoke in broken words. "Mr. Cullen," she began but had to stop and breathe.

"Carlisle?" I asked and she nodded. "What about him?" I asked.

"Letter," she managed to say before gasping for another large gulp of air.

My heart beat sped immediately. Carlisle received a letter? There would only be one other word connected with Carlisle and a letter which could also pertain to me. Anne confirmed my suspicions with her next words.

"Master Edward," she said.

"Carlisle received a letter from Edward?" I asked.

She didn't answer me, but she did look up. She wasn't trying to smile or look pleasant. She looked pained almost. My racing heart sank to my knees.

"Oh," I said in realization, stunned from her news.

Anne Marie took a final deep breath before speaking her first complete sentence. "You must go to the house immediately," she said solemnly. "Alice is there."

I didn't think twice before starting to take off, but I couldn't. Before I could start moving something grabbed me roughly and yanked me back. I looked down to see Jacob's arm twisted around my waist.

"Bella?" he said pleadingly. What was he pleading for? He knew I had to go.

"Let me go," I yelled at him as I tried to pry his arm from around me. "How dare you grab me like this! We are in a public setting Jacob, and regardless I'm not yours to touch." I snapped bitterly at him.

Tears were starting to form in my eyes. I needed to see Alice immediately, but I shouldn't have been so rude to Jacob. Jacob released me then and without another look back I started to sprint toward the far side of Forks to Alice's home. I drew a few strange looks from passersby and I stumbled the entire way. My laces came untied and I even tripped once, but I couldn't waste time retying them.

When I reached Alice's house I didn't bother to knock at the front door. I burst through the threshold and straight into the parlor. I immediately regretted that move because suddenly they were all staring at me. Carlisle stood against a far wall, pale faced and thin lipped. Esme and Alice sat on the settee, both with soaked handkerchiefs and red eyes.

"Edward?" I managed to choke out.

I knew what they were going to say, but I had to hear them say it. I needed to hear them say it or else it wouldn't be so. At the mention of his name Alice burst into immediate tears and placed her already damp handkerchief over her mouth to muff her sobs.

Esme stood up and started to walk closer to me. She stretched out her arms and pulled me toward her, into a deep embrace. She stroked my brown hair and caressed my cheek softly. My whole body was shaking uncontrollably and the tears were running freely down my cheeks.

"Edward is…" Esme began, but she couldn't finish.

Carlisle stepped forward and although there were no tears in his eyes, his voice was quivering when he spoke directly to me.

"Edward is missing, Bella," he stated plainly.

I broke free of Esme's tight grasp and stumbled forward, closer to Carlisle.

"Missing?" I asked. "That means he isn't..?" I couldn't bear to ask what was on my mind. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't speak them.

"Edward is not dead. He is however missing in action," clarified Carlisle.

I winced when he said the word dead. I could hardly stand to even think it. It was not as bad as it could have been. There was hope that Edward was alive. Only, I knew too well that missing in action was usually just as good as dead in most cases. They hadn't found his body yet and no one had witnessed him dying in combat, therefore he was missing.

Esme started to sob loudly behind me. Alice was staring at the floor still and shaking as she remained seated. Carlisle watched me closely, gauging my reaction I supposed. I could only think about one thing. Edward. His memory filled my mind and consumed me. My body continued to tremble. I closed my eyes in an effort to clear my thoughts, but I didn't open them.

When I awoke I was in a guest bedroom at Alice's house. I recognized the wallpaper and the drapery. We used to play in this room when we were little and I had even slept in here once. The sheets had been turned for me and I was covered up to my chin.

At first I didn't recall why I was laying here, in the Masen's house. That struck a chord with me. The Masen's house was now the Cullen's house I supposed. Especially since Edward was gone. Gone.

That word brought me completely from my sleepy stupor and I sat upright immediately. Everything came back to me like a hard blow and my stomach churned with realization at my own thoughts. Gone. It wouldn't disappear. Gone.

Chills overtook my body although the room was quite warm. I crossed my arms and hunched over until I was resting on the top of my thighs. I could remember standing in the parlor with Alice, Carlisle, and Esme. That was it. I must've fainted.

I wanted to get up and find Alice. But then, I didn't particularly feel like conversing with her. I wanted to lie back down on the soft mattress and try to sleep off the nightmare of a world without Edward. But I knew I couldn't. My stomach grumbled and I briefly thought about food before realizing that although my body would protest, I really wasn't hungry.

I wanted to go home to my father, but I was worried if I left the house, I would lose a part of Edward that was still here with me. In turn, I wanted to stay here but I was sorrowful that here was not with Edward.

There were too many emotions. Too many feelings. I couldn't contain myself much longer before the tears came. I cried and cried until I was certain there would be no more tears left to fall. But there were, so I cried some more.

Esme was the first to come into the room and check on me. She didn't say a word, but she sat down next to me on the bed and offered me her shoulder. Her left arm wrapped around me and I continued to sob into her dress.

She rocked us softly back and forth and ran her fingers through my tangled mop until my hair was completely combed. Several times she was on the brink of tears again herself, but she showed no more. She stayed strong and helped comfort me.

"Bella dear," she said softly and I turned my head to look up at her. "Anne Marie has spoken to your father. You'll rest here until you are ready to return home, however long that takes."

"Thank you," I mumbled.

I felt comforted by Esme's actions. I'd never had a solid mother figure in my life that I could really remember. She was taking on the role my own mother would have if she was here. She continued to talk to me. It was the most intimate conversation I'd had with her.

"When Carlisle and I lived closer, when you all were much younger, I was quite close to Edward and Alice," she stated.

I already knew this of course. It had only been a few years since the Cullen's moved east, and I remembered that Esme was around quite a bit. I didn't say anything though so she continued.

"I always wanted children of my own. If my niece and nephew were as close as I could get to being a mother myself, I wasn't about to let that experience go."

I think Esme wanted me to know that I wasn't the only one hurting. I think she was reminding me that she truly cared for Edward as well. She wasn't being selfish about though like some people might. She was reminding me so that I knew I could always turn to her, because she would understand. Esme didn't explain that of course, but she was too good a person to be selfish so I knew the meaning of her words.

The door screeched open slowly and revealed Alice. She had been crying and her eyes were puffy and swollen. Her dress was wrinkled and her shoulders were hunched.

"Bella? Aunt Esme?" she asked weakly.

"Come here dear," Esme responded softly.

Alice walked into the room and crawled into the bed with us. Esme reached her free arm out and wrapped it against Alice. We sat there silently for a long time, comforting each other with our embrace. I was broken inside, but the thought of Alice and Esme comforted me to a point. They were together like family and I was included in that mix. I belonged with them. I belonged with Edward's family.

The weeks that followed passed by slowly. I settled into a routine. Every morning I made breakfast for Charlie before reading in the parlor until noon. Then I made lunch for Charlie before continuing to read in the parlor. At 6:00 I had dinner with Charlie. Immediately after the kitchen was cleaned, I went to bed for my next sleepless night.

I didn't go outside. I didn't go to visit Alice, Jacob, or anyone else. Alice would come see me occasionally, but they weren't long visits. She was officially betrothed to Jasper Whitlock now. I was happy for Alice, but I didn't feel like immersing myself into her wedding plans when my own dreams had so recently been shattered.

Charlie left me alone for the most part. He knew better than to try to comfort me. I missed Jacob, but I couldn't bring myself to go see him. He didn't try to contact me. My solace was found in my books. I read constantly, every day. Our family library wasn't extensive so mostly I reread parts of my favorites.

I enjoyed classical love stories, although they made me sad. I liked the happy endings. It's nice to know that love does overcome all obstacles sometimes, even if it is only written in fiction. My own love story was crumbled, but I couldn't let it go.

Every night I prayed for Edward's return because I knew he was alive. I can't explain what made me believe he was alive, but I did. It may have been false hope and denial. Maybe I was trying to comfort myself and shelter my feelings from the truth. Whatever it was, Edward was alive and I knew it.

That got me through my days. Telling myself constantly that soon enough he would come rushing through my front door and sweep me off my feet kept me sane.

Not a day went by that wasn't filled with tears. Not a night passed that was free from dark nightmares. I was completely empty. I was completely alone. And everywhere I turned, all I saw was Edward.


	18. Hope

Chapter 18. Hope.

"That's enough," my father said sternly.

I turned around from the kitchen counter and looked at him with empty eyes as he rose from the table and stepped toward me. He was trying to appear stern and intimidating, but I only continued to gaze uninterrupted from drying the dishes.

It was a sunny Saturday morning and I was cleaning the kitchen after breakfast. I turned away from Charlie as he approached me and placed his hands on the tops of my shoulders.

"Bella," he said softly, but I continued to dry the plate in my hand.

Charlie stomped away, but I didn't bother turning around. I started placing the newly cleaned dishes in the cabinet when he returned carrying a handkerchief, one of my many books, and my straw hat and pin.

"No more cleaning now," he said and he handed me the book and handkerchief. "No inside reading either. I won't force you to stop reading for today, but I won't allow you to stay her. It's become too much Bella."

"What has?" I asked unemotionally while staring at the floor.

"This," he said and I looked up to see him motioning to all of me. "I can't stand this anymore. You have to stop!"

I didn't want to argue with him so I only shrugged my shoulders. That caused him to let out a frustrated moan and shake his hands toward me.

"I'll say it Bella. Is that what you need? Do you need me to say it?" he asked me and he was practically screaming. "Fine," he snapped, "Edward is gone."

Even his cold words couldn't force a reaction out of me. I stared back at him, unmoving. That frustrated him more I could tell. He calmed himself down before speaking again.

"Please?" he asked softly again. "For me, please go out today and please try?"

I knew what he wanted me to try. He wanted me to try to see reason and logic and accept the fact that Edward was really gone. I couldn't do that though. I couldn't accept something that I couldn't believe in and a small part of me wasn't ready yet to let Edward go. I knew Charlie was hurting though because he had to watch me live in hurt day after day. I didn't want to push him any farther so I worded my reply carefully.

"I'll go out today," I stated flatly.

He hadn't had the victory he wanted, but he would take any small step he could, so Charlie let it go. He placed my hat on crookedly and then stared at the pin for a minute trying to figure out how exactly to put it in. I couldn't hide my weak smile at his predicament though and he seemed pleased with that. I took the hat pin from him and straightened the hat.

With the handkerchief tucked just inside the book cover and the book tucked safely under my arm, I emerged into the warm day and walked into the heart of Forks. Charlie had been right. The sun and heat seemed to radiate off my skin and it felt good. Many passersby in town said 'hello' or 'good day' to me and the interaction, though insignificant to them, made me feel alive.

I thought about going to Alice's because it had been a while since I'd seen her or Esme. As I caught site of the house, my heart started to break all over again at the thought that who I really wanted to see the most would not be there. I willed myself to continue through the gate and up the steps.

As hard as it was, I knew I needed to see Alice. I hadn't been a very good friend to her since Edward's disappearance because of my own selfishness and I owed her a visit. Anne Marie smiled when she answered the door.

"Mistress Alice stepped out only for a moment Miss Bella," she said sweetly. "She went to the post, but I know for a fact she was coming straight home."

"Oh," I replied a little surprised. "Will you tell her I came by please?"

"Nonsense dear," she said and she motioned for me to come inside. "I promise she'll be home soon and I know she would love it even more if you stayed to see her."

I thought about turning away as I stared into the entryway. She was probably right when she said Alice would rather me stay. Before Edward's disappearance there would have been no question about the matter. This house was a second home to me. Now it seemed empty and unfriendly.

Part of me wanted to turn away, but I couldn't. I couldn't force myself over the threshold either. Anne Marie was still staring at me and confusion crossed her face.

"I'll stay," I said with a forced smile. She returned it then. "I want to wait outside though if that's alright. In the garden maybe?"

"Of course. I'll send Alice your way when she returns."

I walked around to the side of the house and into the back garden. It was lush and green, but it still felt empty. I considered continuing on to the stable, but then I realized that might be the saddest place on the property for me to venture. The neglected promise I made to Edward ran across the back of my mind.

Sadness or not, I decided to visit Prince. He was nestled in the back of his stall and he looked at me wearily when I approached. His eyes seemed tired and languid. That's silly maybe, but it was true. It was as if the horse even knew that Edward had gone.

Feeling guilt for neglecting him and sympathy for his own loss, I dipped a handful of oats from a nearby bucket and slowly entered the stall with my hand outstretched. Before long he had warmed up to me and so I decided to give him a good brushing.

A stableman came by to say hello to me, but other than that Prince and I were undisturbed for some time. I kept thinking that Alice should have been home, but I didn't bother to return to the house to check.

"Bella," said a soft male voice that made me jump.

I let out a small gasp as I jumped around to face Carlisle.

"Mr. Cullen," I said still startled. "I'm sorry. I was waiting on Alice."

He chuckled lightly and nodded his head.

"That's quite alright dear. I shouldn't have snuck up on you. I'm happy to see you finally back here with your horse though."

"My horse?" I inquired confused.

"Edward did ask you to look out for Prince did he not?"

"Well, yes. But…" I couldn't think of any other way to really respond.

"I think it's only fair to assume then that you are now Prince's primary caregiver."

"Oh…no," I said still unsure of myself or what I should say.

"Nonsense Bella," Carlisle said smiling reassuringly. "Of course, Prince is always welcome to stay here in the stable. His food and care is also taken care of. I do think he would like to be ridden though. It's been so long."

Carlisle was trying to tell me something else, I could tell. He motioned toward the tack room which housed the riding blankets and saddles. Then he started to turn away from me.

"Sometimes distancing yourself isn't always the best road to recovery Bella. Perhaps you and Prince could find some comfort in one another."

Carlisle quietly walked away then, leaving me to ponder the conversation. Maybe he was telling me it was alright to come here, to Edward's home. To my home. Maybe he was also right about comfort. Distancing myself from everyone hadn't helped ease the pain of Edward's absence.

I didn't want to think about it too much longer, but I didn't have to. Alice bobbed in only moments after her uncle left. Her face lit up when she saw me, and she hugged me so long that I wasn't sure she would ever let go. I'd neglected Alice and I shouldn't have. Edward wouldn't want me to do that.

So then I made a conscious choice to commit to something I would have otherwise detested. I asked Alice about her wedding, which opened up a conversation that could not be closed. I smiled when she said she wanted to show me her fabrics and I even offered to help her with her plans.

…

After making amends with Alice I felt better, but there was still one consolation keeping me down. I knew that I needed to see Jacob again. I was nervous about going to the reservation alone, and I knew Alice would never agree to accompany me there. I tried to find Jacob around the surrounding area of town.

Several Quileute members would take up jobs around the area and I knew Jacob had done this before. The tricky part would be finding him. I visited a few places within walking distance that I knew were having repairs done or even new construction. To my disappointment, Jacob wasn't at any of those places.

I knew I wouldn't last long walking around the outskirts of town so I enlisted help from Prince. Carlisle laughed at me when I asked permission to take the horse out for a ride.

"He's yours Bella. You can ride him whenever you please," he had said with a smile.

I saddled Prince immediately after my talk with Carlisle and set out west of Forks, toward the reservation. On my way I stopped a few people to inquire about Jacob Black. Although one person knew the name, he had no idea where I might find Jacob.

It felt like I had just left the town behind when Prince and I crossed a small river and stood before a thickening tree line. We were close to the reservation, but I didn't know if I would be welcomed should I cross into the perimeter.

Prince and I strode along the thick tree line for several long minutes when I heard the sound of shouting. There was more than one voice, and they were both male. For a minute I hesitated, but I needed to find Jacob and I hoped maybe the faces behind these voices could help me.

Slowly I crawled off of Prince's back and crept toward the tree line. I tied Prince to a thick limb and started to weave between the trees. My skirt got caught on loose limbs more than once and my bun came unwound once it became twisted with a limb as well.

The voices started to rise and I could make out that they were shouting, not in anger though. These were shouts of joy. The trees started to thin out and I peered into a clearing. I was level with a large pool of water tucked away in a ravine. Boys were swimming in the water.

I looked up to the top of the cliff and watched then as one of them dove off a ledge in between the pool and the top, straight down into the water. It couldn't have been more than a 20 foot drop, but I had no idea how deep the water was and I couldn't help but let out a gasp as I feared for the boys life.

His friends were no longer concerned with him though as I watched several bodies turn to face me. I turned away quickly and started to run away until I heard my name.

"Bella?" asked the unmistakable voice of Jacob Black.

I froze with my back still turned to the group of boys. I heard noisy splashing behind me and then I slowly turned to see Jacob standing only feet from me. He wasn't wearing a shirt, only breeches. His chest was muscular and tight. He was dripping from head to toe in water and for a moment I couldn't breathe looking at the sight of him.

"What're you doing here?" he asked concerned, bringing me out of my trance.

"I-I was," I stuttered out. I looked away from his bare chest and up toward the sky so I could answer. "I was looking for you actually."

He smiled a huge grin from ear to ear and shook out his wet hair. He reached out and took my hand in his.

"Well you've found me," he said still smiling. "Come meet everyone else."

Jacob walked me toward the water where three boys sat on the bank, waiting to meet my acquaintance. They were all brown skinned like Jacob and looked to be around the same age. They had also lost their shirts. For a moment I thought about the impropriety of the situation. I'd never been anything but proper, but being with Jacob didn't seem improper. I felt safe with him.

He introduced me to the boys, Quil, Paul, and Embry. I didn't stay to chat long. I needed to speak to Jacob and he knew that we needed alone time. He threw an old white shirt on, slipped on his shoes, and started to walk me through the forest.

We were silent for a while because I couldn't think of what I should say or how I should start. I waited until Jacob couldn't take it anymore and broke down.

"I've missed you Bella," he said quietly.

We were weaving our way through the trees and stepping over fallen logs. All the while he held my hand tightly.

"I've missed you too Jacob. I hope you aren't too mad at me," I said feebly.

"Mad? I couldn't be mad at you. I have been worried about you because I haven't seen you out anywhere. I would've come by to check on you, but I didn't know if I could."

He stopped walking and turned to face me. His dark eyes seemed to be burning straight through me and I felt uncomfortable by the look. Edward had looked at me with that same intensity before. The memory of Edward stung me and I turned away from Jacob abruptly before I fell apart.

"I understand," I said. "I only hoped you wouldn't be mad because I hadn't been to see you."

Jacob swiftly stepped in front of me. He put his hand out and gently ran his index finger across my cheek and down my jaw line. He rested it under my chin and lifted my face to him. He stared down at me only for a moment before sighing and letting my chin fall. Awkwardly we both turned away and pretended interest in the forest around us.

September faded into October and with it came the cool fall weather that I dreaded. In the last weeks of summer though, Jacob and I began to spend more and more time together. We were never alone in public to avoid gossip, but occasionally we would stop and greet each other if we ran into one another.

Alice disapproved of our closeness and she made no qualms about trying to keep her distaste for him from me. Jacob and I would hike through trails along the forest on rare beautiful days. One of his favorite pastimes was fishing, and he showed me how as well.

My father fished often, but I had never gone along with him. I felt a sense of freedom when I was alone, hiding out with Jacob. There were no rules when I was wading in a creek bed, baiting my line with the sun peeking through the trees to warm my skin. When the October weather became too cool for us to stay outdoors so much, he took me to the reservation.

I was scared senseless that something would go wrong, but of course I felt just as much at home there as I did in my own house. I still thought about Edward often. Jacob knew better than to bring up the subject, but he knew that I was hurting. Sometimes he would look at me and I could tell he wanted to talk, but he never said anything, not for a long time.

He was bringing me back from the reservation one afternoon and we stopped along the tree line to say goodbye. It made me more comfortable knowing that the neighbors wouldn't be spying on us. I turned around to tell him goodbye, but his face was confused. He looked like he was contemplating something.

Abruptly he leaned forward and all but pinned me directly to the pine behind me. Instantly I was reminded of my goodbye to Edward, not far from this same place and rather than concentrating on Jacob's odd change of character, I saddened at the thought of Edward. He noticed the change.

"Don't do that Bella," Jacob said sternly.

"Do what?" I asked innocently.

He let out a frustrated sigh and leaned farther into me. I could feel his warm breath against my skin and my entire body warmed at the closeness we now shared.

"You're being sad again. I hate it when you become sad."

"I'm sorry," I replied turning my head to the side and looking past him.

He leaned forward some more and pecked my cheek. I let out a different kind of sigh then. I knew what Jacob wanted from me, but I didn't know if I could give it to him. When I didn't respond any further to the slight kiss he backed away from me, blatantly frustrated.

"Damn it Bella," he said angrily.

"Don't talk to me like that," I said and I sounded rather childish. "If you're going to act like this Jacob then I'll just leave now."

I started to move, but his long arm reached out and grabbed my waist to pull me back. He spoke again, not quite so crudely, but still angrily.

"What can I do?" he asked.

"Nothing," I replied sharply.

"You can't go on pretending for forever that you don't care for me."

"I do care for you."

"As more than just your friend? Be fair Bella," he said raising his eyebrows at me.

I could feel my blush creeping over my cheeks. I started to open my mouth to argue back with him, but he was closing the distance between us fast. His arm tightened around my waist and he was pulling me toward him. My blood began to rush and I started to feel dizzy. Did I want him to close this gap between us? Part of me did, but the other part could only concentrate on one thing: Edward.

"Bella! Bella!" came the soft cry of my name from beyond the tree line and toward my house.

Jacob and I both jumped and turned to face the sound. Alice was running around the side of the house, calling my name and searching for me.

"Bella!" she called again.

At first Jacob held me tightly, but I wiggled free and started to run toward her.

"Alice," I managed to croak out as I neared her.

My legs were tired and my breathing was ragged. I stopped and placed my hands on my knees. I bent over and tried to catch my breath as she ran to meet me. There was frustration, confusion, and despair in her tone.

"Oh Bella," she said as she stopped by my side. "Bella a telegram just came. "

I looked up and waited for her to continue.

"It's from the Denali's in Chicago and I think it has something to do with Edward."

At the mention of his name I stood up completely. My entire body started to tremble.

"W-what did y-you say?" I asked starting to feel my knees buckle.

"I don't know," she cried out frantically and placed her arms on my shoulders. She started to shake me. "I don't know Bella, but its Edward. Or something about Edward. Part of its missing!"

She held up the paper to me. It was crinkled from her fist but I could see that it wasn't a complete telegram.

"It says that we must come immediately and then it says Edward's name," she said showing it to me herself. "It may only have to do with some of father's business affairs or the house or I haven't a clue what. But it is my brother's name."

"You should send one back. Ask for clarification," I told her softly.

"Do you really think I could wait that long? Could you wait that long?"

She knew that I couldn't.

"What are you going to do?" I asked, the tears already forming in my eyes.

"Come with me to Chicago," she said matter-of-factly.

"I….I," I stuttered, not sure what to say.

"Whatever it is," she said determinately, "it's for Edward."

"What about Carlisle and Esme?" I asked.

"I haven't enough time to wait for them Bella. And Jasper is at market in Seattle. He won't be home for another several days. Surely you of all people can understand this."

I could understand it, but I still wasn't sure what to say to her. She was asking me to run away with her to Chicago, un-chaperoned and unprotected. She was asking me to get hurt all over again. She and I neither one had any idea what that telegram meant.

"Bella," said Jacob's husky voice behind me and I turned to face him. He was staring down at me disapprovingly. "Don't do it Bella. Please?"

I looked back at Alice. In my heart there was only one answer. I reached out and grabbed her hand in mine.

"To Chicago," I said weakly. "We're wasting time. We have a train to catch."


	19. Thoughts

Chapter 18. Thoughts

Alice and I left Jacob standing in the open field. I knew I couldn't turn around to face him, so I didn't. I held on to her hand tightly and we started to run. At first I tried to pull toward the house, but Alice went the other way.

"Wait," I said pulling her to a halt. "I have to pack and I need to leave a note for Charlie."

"We'll get what we need at my house Bella," she said out of breath. "We can't waste any more time. We can leave a note for Charlie, Carlisle, and Esme there too."

I didn't feel right about running away on my father like that, but I couldn't think about right and wrong where this adventure was concerned. Alice was right, and we needed to hurry. I would never forgive myself if I waited too long…too long for what I wondered?

Somewhere in the darkest corner of my heart I dared to hope that I might get to see Edward again. I hoped his disappearance was all a bad dream and his shining face would be waiting for me at the train station in Chicago. I tried to push that hope away and convince myself that something happened with the lumber company or some other affair of Mr. Masen's, which would have then been Edward's as well.

I didn't want to hope only to be let down again. I would try my hardest not to dream about Edward still being alive, because I didn't know if I could survive him dying a second time. At first I tried to not think about Edward's death. I tried to think about him missing somewhere, but on his way home to me. I had only recently begun to accept the fact that he might not be coming back.

Alice and I were both stooped over, supporting ourselves with our hands on our knees and trying to catch our breaths. Deep sobs were coming from my chest. I was terrified to keep going, but I had too. We started to run again as fast as we could, holding on to one another for support until the Masen home came into view.

Anne Marie greeted us at the door and although she stared quizzically for a moment at our red faces and disheveled appearances, she didn't ask any questions. Alice went to grab her luggage and I started to raid her armoire for clothes. I didn't look at the dresses as I pulled them out and flung them on her bed. I chose simple work dresses, afternoon tea dresses, and grand ball gowns all at once and laid them in a pile.

I grabbed a few pairs of stockings, boots, and slippers to add to the mix. Alice came in then carrying two small luggage cases. We didn't have the means or the energy to carry a large trunk with us, so the smaller and more manageable cases would have to work. We packed quickly and were about to start toward the door when Alice looked at me and let out a sigh.

"What?" I asked.

"We need to change," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Change? We don't have time for that. We need to go."

"I know Bella, but look at us. The last thing we want to do is draw attention to ourselves."

She was right of course. We were dirty and dingy, not at all like two first class travelling ladies of society. We didn't want to raise any suspicion at the train station and we needed to look collected. The fact that we were travelling alone wouldn't help matters, and our appearances made us look even more like we were running away from something.

Alice reached in her wardrobe and pulled out two fairly simple, yet elegant dresses. She tossed me a cotton, yellow, ¾ length dress with a white sash and elbow length sleeves. She pulled out a pale blue blouse and long black skirt for herself. Hers was more suited to an afternoon out and travelling, but I didn't mention that.

When we changed our clothes, Alice brushed out her hair and pulled it back in a low bun. She then did the same for mine and grabbed two straw hats from her wardrobe for us to wear out. We grabbed our suitcases and crept as quietly as possible down the stairs and hall toward the back door. Alice felt we would be less likely to be caught if we went out the back. Almost to the kitchen, Esme came around a corner and nearly collided with us both.

"Oh I'm so sorry girls," she started to say sweetly and then she noticed our luggage. "Where exactly are you going with that Alice?" she asked much more sternly.

I was at a loss for words and for the first time in her life, Alice was too. I kept waiting for her to say something but she only muttered under her breath. Esme questioned us again. I never would have imagined Alice breaking down, but she let her guard go and started to sob.

"Oh goodness!" Esme said in shock as she wrapped her arms around Alice. "Whatever is the matter Alice dear?"

Esme looked to me for answers since Alice was indisposed. I swallowed hard and then started to recount the day's events for Esme, beginning with Alice's appearance at my house. I left out all mention of Alice interrupting me and Jacob Black, alone in the trees.

Esme's grip tightened around Alice when I mentioned the letter and I had to choke back my own sobs. She reached out and pulled me toward her too.

"Come into the kitchen," Esme instructed us calmly and collectively. "Bring your luggage. Anne Marie," she called down the hall and momentarily the girl appeared.

"Yes ma'am?"

"Have Sturgis pull a carriage around back. As quickly as possible, please."

Esme ushered us into the kitchen. I had no idea why she'd asked for the carriage. I was so confused. I was certain she would not let us leave alone after catching us this way. We sat at the small kitchen table.

"What-what-what are we-go-ing to-to-do?" Alice asked in between her broken sobs.

"Well," Esme began, ever so calmly, "You and Bella are going to Chicago."

Alice and I both ceased our tears and stared appallingly at Esme. She glanced at us both, gauging our reactions and then continued.

"You know how much I love you and Edward, Alice. And you too Bella," she added. "If I was in your place then I wouldn't hesitate to go as quickly as possible. Carlisle will not like it at all. In fact he will be furious that I let you go alone, but he and I will follow you. This will all work on one condition. You must do exactly as I instruct. Is that understood?"

Alice and I both nodded, our mouths gaping open and hanging on to every word she said.

"You will go to the train station and take the first passage to Chicago available. When you reach the station in Chicago, you will telegram Bella's father to let him know you are safe. It will do no good to send word here, Carlisle and I will be on a train behind you. You will then go directly to the Chicago residence and send word to the Denali family that you are in town. You must not allow them to know that the two of you are alone. Carlisle and I will be no farther than a day behind you, possibly even closer. Is all this understood?"

"Yes Esme," Alice and I replied together.

"I will begin making arrangements for your uncle and I. Sturgis will go to the hospital immediately after seeing you board your train. He will bring Carlisle home where we will go to the Swan residence to visit with Bella's father. Our next stop will be the train station and we will be right behind you."

I couldn't understand why Esme was letting us go alone. It was extremely improper, not to mention dangerous. The small hope in the back of my heart wondered if someplace within herself, Esme believed too. Maybe she had never stopped believing in Edward, and that's why she knew she must let us go.

The carriage ride to the train station lasted too long in my opinion. Of all the days for there to actually be people and carriages in the streets, today was not the day. I felt a tinge of regret for running away on my father and I hoped he wouldn't be too upset with me. I also felt guilty for leaving Jacob the way I had.

He had been about to kiss me, to really kiss me. Part of me was glad for Alice's interruption, and the other part of me wondered what it would have felt like to have his lips on mine. I did care about Jacob, but I cared more for Edward and I wasn't sure that I was ready to put Edward in my past, telegram or no telegram.

Alice pushed my shoulder, interrupting my thoughts and causing me to jump. I looked out of the window to see we had arrived at the station.

"Sturgis has instructed us to wait in the carriage until he returns with our boarding passes," Alice told me shakily.

I could sense how nervous she was about this entire ordeal and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders while we waited for Sturgis to return.

The next train was leaving almost immediately so we were in a rush to board. Sturgis carried our luggage and Alice and I followed closely on his heels. Alice stopped abruptly causing me to collide into her.

"Alice" I started to scold but then I saw the reason for her hasty stop.

"Sturgis," she called and the footman turned to look at us.

Alice looked to our gate one more time, and then to me. Jacob Black was standing near the loading platform, gaining disgruntled looks from the "pale faces" who were trying to get around him so they could board their train. Jacob's eyes were surveying the crowd and the line. He was searching for us, probably to attempt to stop me from going through with this crazy plan.

"Do you feel like another confrontation today?" Alice asked me harshly.

She was clearly upset that Jacob had gone to this length to ensure I wouldn't leave with her. I shook my head no and she looked toward Sturgis.

"See that man up there Sturgis? The Indian? He is going to attempt to sabotage our plan to board this train. While it would be no trouble to simply have him removed, I'm afraid that he is something of a friend to Bella and avoiding confrontation would be better suited to us both."

"Very well Ms. Masen. We can board on the other side by the baggage car and then you and Ms. Swan can simply walk through the inside of the train to your private quarters. There is nothing that a few extra dollars can't buy."

Sturgis changed direction and we started to work our way toward the caboose of the train. I don't know why Alice had decided against reporting Jacob and having him removed from the station. We could have easily had that done discreetly and he wouldn't even have to see us. Perhaps she really did know how much it would upset me to have him escorted out like a criminal, and she was looking after my interest.

Whatever the reason, I was thankful for it. Sturgis had been correct, of course. There was nothing that the fortune Mr. Masen had left to his daughter could not buy, including a back door entry onto the train. In the days that followed my stomach was nauseous with anticipation and wonder.

I couldn't find it in myself to eat more than a few bites of food at each meal without becoming sick. I couldn't sleep at night or during the day and the dark circles under my eyes showed as proof. Anytime I could force myself into sleep, my dreams were of Edward. I always awoke with a false sense of hope and longing in my gut. I became even thinner over the train ride and by the end of the journey Alice's dresses were practically hanging on my body because they were so big.

We kept to ourselves on the train ride so as not to draw any suspicion to the fact that we were unaccompanied young women. We sent a telegram to my father in Forks upon our arrival, just as we had promised Esme. I apologized for my hasty departure and begged for his understanding and forgiveness.

We hired a coach to take us to the Masen home and when we arrived near dusk, all of the inside lights were on and awaiting us. I wasn't sure how they knew of our arrival, but they did. Seeing the house again was surreal and my heart pounded as we climbed up the front steps.

I'm not sure what I was expecting. I half expected Edward would be there, greeting us. The front door was locked so Alice knocked. An older butler answered the door after taking his time to get to it and his face fell into shock upon seeing us.

"Ms. Masen," the man said in a loud voice.

Alice smiled meekly and nodded her head. "George," she replied.

"Oh," he yelled. "Ms. Masen," he repeated. Then he turned to face the lighted hall and shouted even more loudly, "Mrs. Trent."

George moved to the side and Alice and I entered the house. She immediately placed her luggage on the ground for him to take over, but I held on to mine until George literally took it away from me. I wasn't accustomed to the privileges of servants like the Masen's were.

Mrs. Trent, the head housemaid came bustling into the hallway as fast as her legs would carry her. She looked worn and tired and even older than she had last summer when I had seen her. Her hair was pulled back into a tight bun and she wore a long black dress, in mourning still for the loss of her family I supposed.

Mrs. Trent skipped formalities and pulled Alice into a hug. She had been a housekeeper for the family since Alice and Edward were children, and they respected her. She looked at me and smiled warmly.

"Nice to see you again, Ms. Swan," she said and I nodded likewise. "Come into the parlor girls," she said guiding us into the formal parlor room. "We would have been more prepared had we known when you would arrive."

"Mrs. Trent," Alice began. "There was a telegram sent to me from the Denali family."

Mrs. Trent didn't act surprised by that news but kept her face and emotion composed. She nodded and Alice continued.

"The telegram wasn't complete when it arrived. It mentioned Ed-war-d's name," she managed to choke out.

"Of course it did," replied Mrs. Trent and Alice and I both looked to one another in astonishment.

Chills began to rise across my body and my heart started to pound so loudly I thought it might explode. Alice reached over and grabbed my hand in hers, gripping me tightly before she began to speak again.

"Is there something I, we, should know?" she asked sheepishly.

Mrs. Trent started to speak, but stopped and thought for a moment before replying. "Let us get you two girls situated for the night and then we will discuss this in the morning," she said slowly as if she knew she was in for a fight.

"NO!" Alice and I both yelled immediately and a little too loudly.

"No, Mrs. Trent," Alice said again more calmly. "If there is something in Chicago which pertains to my brother, I'm afraid I must know all of the details immediately."

"Very well," said Mrs. Trent rising and letting out a sigh. She was shaking before us. "Only myself, George, and a housemaid named Nan remain here at the house since your parents' deaths. It is cool outside now in the evening. Grab yourselves both a shawl and I will have George assemble a carriage."

She moved swiftly from the room and Alice and I gazed after her. I didn't know what to think or to feel. I felt like something might be terribly wrong, but right at the same time and it scared me to death. I didn't need to say anything to Alice. Her fear was written plainly across her face.

Together we rose and held on to each other for support as we grabbed our shawls and went outside to await the carriage. Mrs. Trent rode with us and for the longest time she didn't say a word. We had no idea where we were going and it was too dark outside to follow the street signs. I wouldn't have known regardless considering every adventure I'd taken in Chicago last summer had ended up with me getting lost. Finally the carriage drew to a stop and Mrs. Trent spoke softly.

"Now girls, I want you to listen to me," she said in a barely audible whisper and chills raced up my spine. "Don't expect too much from tonight. There's always tomorrow you know. Alice, no one must know who you are, understand? At least not until your aunt and uncle arrive. And don't mention the name Denali."

I was terrified and I knew Alice was too. George opened the carriage door and Mrs. Trent stepped out first into the night air. Alice followed her and I was right behind Alice. I stepped out onto the hard pavement and pulled my shawl closer around my body.

The autumn air sent wind and cold chills through me as I tried to adjust my eyes to the dark night and take in my surroundings. I could see the faint glow of street lights and the tall shadows of the buildings around me.

"Where are we Alice?" I asked turning to face her.

Alice was staring at the tall building directly in front of us as if she was in a trance. Her hands were gripping her shawl so tightly I thought she might rip the fabric and her mouth was open in a state of horror. Very slowly she lowered her gaze and shifted her eyes toward me. She stared straight at me and her one word answer made my knees buckle and the air left the body.

"Hospital?" Alice said softly almost as if she was asking a question, rather than answering mine.


End file.
